She wears a smile that can make me wanna sing...

I know I said the last blog was the last blog before Apex. But I've decided that I'm putting the lyrics to a song that I LOVE. This is what I want for my One!

Or I guess this is what I wanna be to my One.

That deserves a "nuff said"

I've got an angel
She doesn't wear any wings
She wears a heart that can melt my own
She wears a smile that can make me wanna sing
She gives me presents
With her presence alone
She gives me everything I could wish for
She gives me kisses on the lips just for coming home

She could make angels
I've seen it with my own eyes
You gotta be careful when you've got good love
Cause the angels will just keep on multiplying

But you're so busy changing the world
Just one smile can change all of mine
We share the same soul
Oh oh oh oh oh ohhh
We Share the same soul
Oh oh oh oh oh ohhh
We Share the same soul
Oh oh oh oh oh ohhh

I'm kinda wondering why there's a pantene ad on my page.

-LL
14. Go camping. LEGIT camping. (Sherice said she'd take care of this one)
15. Get over my fear of spiders.

After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain

I found the title I just picked to be ironic. Quite ironic.
Well, this little blog diddy is a continuation of the last one.
I still feel very stupid, even though two of the people that know both of us "approve" of him. Doesn't help my situation here!
I'm actually JUST starting to pack for Apex. Oops.
Well...after our little miniature band practice, I'm re-learning to sing from my diaphragm! That's right, I just spelled diaphragm right the first time! I feel like a genius! Anyway. We had to do this ridiculous thing in Theatre where we had to put books on our stomachs and lay on the ground. So I guess I've gotten pretty good about speaking from my diaphragm from six months ago...
I just feel smart spelling out diaphragm.
So I guess this is my last blog before Apex. I hope to come back a completely different person!
And Elijah comes home tomorrow...yet I'll already be gone. Doesn't that just SUCK? My spell-check doesn't like the word doesn't. I'm pretty sure it's a word, dumb computer.
That's like how my phone can't spell diaper or taco.
Don't ask me how I know.
Right now I'm looking at my guitar. And it's pretty much just staring me in the face saying "play me"
But I don't wanna, guitar =[
Sorry lovely. I think I actually named my guitar Rain-child. It was one of our silly days in guitar I.
Anyway. I'm unmotivated to pack. I seem to be one of those people that needs a LOT of motivation to do anything.
My nails keep getting stuck under the keys of my laptop. How is that happening?
I'm sorry this blog is so random. My thoughts are everywhere right now.
Like here my emotions: tired-thirsty-nervous-anxious-excited-energetic-contemplative...
I also have to pee. But I don't think "pee-filled" is an emotion.
how can I be tired and energetic at the same time? I don't know.
Well...hmmm. I can never make up my mind on what to bring to camps and stuff. I'm convinced my suitcase is entirely too big. But I don't wanna take a smaller one. I figure if I don't fill it up, I'll cram my special down pillow in there.
Of all the emotions I mentioned to you, nervous is the one I'm feeling most right now. See, I'm stupid when it comes to guys.
Such as thes-con. With Nick, I was so weird around him that I pretty much didn't eat for two days. I lost my little tummy-pooch, but what do ya know, it came right back. Not the point.
I get very weird with guys I'm interested in. Not usually to the point where I don't eat for two days (which only happened once) but to the point where I plan things to respond with to things he's going to say. That hasn't happened yet for this one, I think I just used to do that through middle school and freshman year.
But like I said in my last blog, I say something simple in response to a question from him, and think "STUPID LEAH STUPID! Why did you just say that? Are you stupid? Yes, yes you are!"
My mind is one busy place. And when it's shouting "STUPID LEAH!" at me, it's like a chorus of "stupid leah"s to a point where that's all I hear.
So I'm not butterfly-in-the-tummy nervous...but like heart palpatations nervous. I know that sounds weird. It definitely IS weird.
OH MY GOODNESS. I told Michelle this earlier, but I got electrocuted! Just a little bit though. I was trying to take my laptop charger out of the plug and my finger somehow got in the way of the electric current.
And it was CRAZY! Because that's how God's presence feels...
Being electrocuted like I was didn't hurt...it felt weird, but it's like...
it's like the warmth you have when you lie in your bed on a cold December morning, curled up in a ball...just waiting for your alarm to ring and call you from the comfort of your warm bed to the cold hardwood floor.
Just saying that makes me wanna go to sleep hahaha.
Anyway. The thought is very scary, like God's presence can be a little intimidating, but it feels good!
And I know I just made an analogy of God's presence like being electrocuted. It's just the feeling. That's it.
Anyway. I'm still doing that thing where somebody random texts me and I expect it to be him. I feel like such a stalker.

I think that's it for now. My thoughts are very jumbled right now.
Can I just say on a finishing note that I'm falling in love again with multiple Hillsong United songs?
Like right now it's "All For Love" and "For All You've Done"
okay just kidding those are regular Hillsong. Hillsong anything is what I mean to say!
NOW I'm done.

-LL
13. Cry through an entire movie. (I'm actually not sure if this is a good goal to have)
13 b. (Which I pretty much just realized by talking to Kyra) Jump into somebody's arms romantically (without them dropping me or making me feel too fat for them to catch)

But daily taking up my cross has brought its share of splinters

Well...it's been a very full day.
You wanna know what sucks? Being a teenager. Lemme tell ya.
Especially when it comes to drama, high school, and guys.
The problem of the moment: Guys with a side of drama. Served with a dipping sauce of a little crush. And maybe a soft-serve high school drama involving a pregnant friend.
Yeah I know. This SUCKS. I'm sorry if you don't like that word.
It bites.
It stinks.
Es no bueno.
I even put a little espanol in there, if that tickles your fancy!
But I think I forgot what it was like to have a crush. I mean I've been "single" for...mmm....almost 6 months now, believe it or not! And I feel like it's been years...because I've grown up SO quickly.
I just did a teenage girl girly-sigh. Ya know, the dreamy kind? WHAT AM I DOING?
Like...I know that I DO NOT wanna date. The next guy I date legit WILL be the man I marry. And i'm 85% sure that I do not wanna marry this guy.
Maybe more. But part of me wants to just say "screw it" ya know? And I TOTALLY know that's my flesh. That's the average teenage girl lovely. But I'm NOT that girl.
But I mean...sigh! I really forgot what it was like to have a tad bit of a crush.
I don't even want anything to come of it! But the kind where he comes in the room and you're like "I'm acting stupid. Do something non-stupid. DANG IT LEAH I SAID NON-STUPID! NON-STUPID!" I say something and think "Goodness Leah why don't you just jump into his arms? Do you realize how much ground you just lost in him not knowing by saying that?"
And you wanna know something really stupid? I just realized he's a senior. I have a crush on a guy that I know little-to-nothing about.
I'd really like to slap myself across the face right now. Please don't slap me, though. I don't appreciate pain.
But UURRGGG!!! I hope it goes away. By the way, I'm terrible at flirting. So terrible I don't do it at all. Which I've formed as a habit. I DON'T flirt. I don't read hints either.
So apparently i'm accidentally flirty. Even though I'm actually quite competitive, which can come across as being flirty. And of course I don't read the hints they're dropping back from my accidental flirting, so it's like a giant car-crash of emotions.

This bites like the dickens. Wow.

That's a little comic to tickle your fancy. Usually Cyanide and Happiness is a little...inappropriate, but I thought this one was just SO funny.

Wanna know something lame? I'm texting Laken. That's not what's lame...that's rather awesome. I love that chica. But every time my phone vibrates, I half-expect it to be him.
...Yet he doesn't even have my phone number? I find myself to be a tad bit paranoid.
Dang.
I need a life.
Please save me from my teenage emotions!
So I forgot to say something about the pregnant friend. All's going well for her, apparently. She's still cute as a button...Her little bun-in-the-oven is 2 pounds now (crazy!) and she got over the whole morning sickness.
I was actually talking to my friend Carly (a chick that I haven't seen in forever that needs to hang out with me more!) about how you wake up and wrap your head around one of your best friends being pregnant. And I know this happens a lot to other people, it's not public high school until somebody gets expelled, somebody goes to rehab, and somebody gets pregnant.
I have 2/3 so far, and I'm only halfway through HS!
So anyway. Back to the pregnancy. It'd be different if I just knew her from somewhere...like "Oh that chick from Algebra/Biology/homeroom? She's pregnant." But she was the first friend I ever made in high school...I sat next to her in Algebra. We were pretty much the two smart ones in a class full of dumb people. But one of the first things I noticed about her was her purity ring.
I myself STILL don't have a purity ring, I guess because my parents aren't motivated to buy one...anyway. I guess that purity ring didn't mean anything to her. Now instead of that pink and white innocent looking ring, there's a rock in its place. An engagement ring.
I think it's wonderful that her and her boyfriend are looking long-term after producing a little bundle of joy...but I REALLY hope it works. I mean, I hope the marriage works out. But I don't know.
It was just...weird seeing her last night. She's not MASSIVELY pregnant, but you look at her and think "There's no doubt she's pregnant". And yet, her purity ring. I always wonder what she did with it. Like I don't have one and I've stayed pure, and she does but she didn't.
That's all for now.
Okay. Psyched for Apex. Adios for now, all.

-LL
12. Read two books in one day.