"God came and wept with me on that floor."
Seconds - I Am Second
6.25.2011
6.21.2011
I Will Rejoice, I Will Declare...
God is MY victory, and He is here.
If you haven't heard "Desert Song" by Hillsong United, you must. It's one of those songs that gets me wherever I am. You know, the ones you listen to at different times in your life and just come back to the same place. For this song, and for me, it's a song of constant praise.
And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand
If you've never heard this song...please, look it up. Buy it off i-tunes.
I don't know who I'm talking to when I say this. I know that each blog post doesn't relate to the every person in the same way.
But for me, I constantly feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. It's so true that I even got a word on it. It's funny the prophetic words God will bring to my memory...He knows exactly when I need them. But I was told "You feel like you're constantly fighting and losing. You fight a battle and feel like you've won, then you go back and fight and lose. And you fight and win, then go back and lose."
By this time in the prophetic word, I'm bawling my eyes out. When God gets right up in your face and says "My love, I've been here all along. You don't have to tell me where you are and what you're doing...because I know." Kind of like, you know, when you open the door to your mom's room with tears streaming down your face. You walk up to her, sink your head into her shoulder, and just start crying. No words...and she knows. She knows why you're crying, and knows what you need. Just to be held. To be loved.
God's more than that. He finds me (not in a way like I've been hiding or He hasn't been there all along). He reveals Himself and soothes my aches. He holds me when I cry, and just....lets me. He lets me cry. He lets me realize. Then He picks me up, brushes me off, gives me a hug, and sends me off into the next big challenge. Sorry I kinda got off on a rant. Bringing it back....
But in this moment, I felt a weird peace about losing all the time. I wasn't losing. I think it's a war being fought like the Revolutionary. BAM. Stab. Dead. BAM. Stab. Cannon. Explode. Death.
It's really like World War 2. Though on one front, the odds are against you. And the enemy feels like he's winning. And he's not. A battle is not the war. Sure, I'll suffer some wounds. And by "sure" I mean "yes, I will most definitely...multiple times..." But these wounds are training. God is training me to help others fight their battles, too.
Sure, I may lose fights. I may suffer wounds. But I, we, will win so many battles...God has promised us victory. God's promise isn't a weather report...it's not a prediction...and it's most definitely not just based on probability. It is. It's 100% right. All the time.
I hope this encourages you. Though you may feel like you're losing a battle, like God has forgotten His promise...He's not finished. He may be fighting against something you're not even aware of.
Love, Leah
p.s.-Check out the new widgets in the top right corner! A link to the lovely Abby's Robots in Trouble and the top five most popular posts of my blog! Woo!
If you haven't heard "Desert Song" by Hillsong United, you must. It's one of those songs that gets me wherever I am. You know, the ones you listen to at different times in your life and just come back to the same place. For this song, and for me, it's a song of constant praise.
And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand
If you've never heard this song...please, look it up. Buy it off i-tunes.
I don't know who I'm talking to when I say this. I know that each blog post doesn't relate to the every person in the same way.
But for me, I constantly feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. It's so true that I even got a word on it. It's funny the prophetic words God will bring to my memory...He knows exactly when I need them. But I was told "You feel like you're constantly fighting and losing. You fight a battle and feel like you've won, then you go back and fight and lose. And you fight and win, then go back and lose."
By this time in the prophetic word, I'm bawling my eyes out. When God gets right up in your face and says "My love, I've been here all along. You don't have to tell me where you are and what you're doing...because I know." Kind of like, you know, when you open the door to your mom's room with tears streaming down your face. You walk up to her, sink your head into her shoulder, and just start crying. No words...and she knows. She knows why you're crying, and knows what you need. Just to be held. To be loved.
God's more than that. He finds me (not in a way like I've been hiding or He hasn't been there all along). He reveals Himself and soothes my aches. He holds me when I cry, and just....lets me. He lets me cry. He lets me realize. Then He picks me up, brushes me off, gives me a hug, and sends me off into the next big challenge. Sorry I kinda got off on a rant. Bringing it back....
But in this moment, I felt a weird peace about losing all the time. I wasn't losing. I think it's a war being fought like the Revolutionary. BAM. Stab. Dead. BAM. Stab. Cannon. Explode. Death.
It's really like World War 2. Though on one front, the odds are against you. And the enemy feels like he's winning. And he's not. A battle is not the war. Sure, I'll suffer some wounds. And by "sure" I mean "yes, I will most definitely...multiple times..." But these wounds are training. God is training me to help others fight their battles, too.
Sure, I may lose fights. I may suffer wounds. But I, we, will win so many battles...God has promised us victory. God's promise isn't a weather report...it's not a prediction...and it's most definitely not just based on probability. It is. It's 100% right. All the time.
I hope this encourages you. Though you may feel like you're losing a battle, like God has forgotten His promise...He's not finished. He may be fighting against something you're not even aware of.
Love, Leah
p.s.-Check out the new widgets in the top right corner! A link to the lovely Abby's Robots in Trouble and the top five most popular posts of my blog! Woo!
6.19.2011
In My Life, Be Lifted High
So. We went to Ridgeview detention center yesterday. Why I'm mentioning that, I don't know, since most of the people who read my blog were there.But if you weren't there, it's just that...a detention center. It's in the middle of NOWHERE in Aurora, and it looks like a high school. A really nice college-looking high school. We had service and I gave my testimony. Which is funny.
Funny in a kind of like "that's weird, and it's not a bad thing" way. I cried giving my testimony, and I can't tell you why....well, it was because I talked about feeling alone, worthless, and more alone. And crying myself to sleep. And just sitting and crying. To anybody who hasn't heard this (or to those who have heard this many times like Emnet [I've heard this four times and it GETS ME EVERY TIME]), I'm not that way anymore (Don't get me wrong, it's not bad to cry. It's absolutely healthy). I didn't find God, and He didn't find me. He was there all along, I had just never noticed. If you ever want the full story, lemme know. I can most DEFINITELY tell you!
But preparing for this day, I was like "Gosh, God, what do I talk about?" These guys go through more than I could imagine, and yet I'm supposed to encourage them with my life story. God revealed to me that though we may not have the same circumstances, we have the same insecurities, fears, and feelings. So I told them the truth. And that was all. Nobody likes to admit that they didn't find self-worth, that they cried themselves to sleep, or even lost everything. Not to these guys who know how it feels, but to the people that see me at least every week and have no idea. And I'll be real honest, gossip's no fun. That's all I'll say about that.
But this kid came up to me after, his name's Tyler, and he was addicted to heroin. And he said "You should talk to heroin addicts. It's a dark and lonely place, and crying yourself to sleep happens often."
I was just like, whoa. Leah, who really doesn't even know what heroin looks like, should minister to people who are addicts. WEIRD.
So I guess I'm realizing that God uses us in the strangest ways. And it's awesome. It just takes a willing vessel. And like the title, I hope He's lifted high in everything I do.
Love, Leah
Funny in a kind of like "that's weird, and it's not a bad thing" way. I cried giving my testimony, and I can't tell you why....well, it was because I talked about feeling alone, worthless, and more alone. And crying myself to sleep. And just sitting and crying. To anybody who hasn't heard this (or to those who have heard this many times like Emnet [I've heard this four times and it GETS ME EVERY TIME]), I'm not that way anymore (Don't get me wrong, it's not bad to cry. It's absolutely healthy). I didn't find God, and He didn't find me. He was there all along, I had just never noticed. If you ever want the full story, lemme know. I can most DEFINITELY tell you!
But preparing for this day, I was like "Gosh, God, what do I talk about?" These guys go through more than I could imagine, and yet I'm supposed to encourage them with my life story. God revealed to me that though we may not have the same circumstances, we have the same insecurities, fears, and feelings. So I told them the truth. And that was all. Nobody likes to admit that they didn't find self-worth, that they cried themselves to sleep, or even lost everything. Not to these guys who know how it feels, but to the people that see me at least every week and have no idea. And I'll be real honest, gossip's no fun. That's all I'll say about that.
But this kid came up to me after, his name's Tyler, and he was addicted to heroin. And he said "You should talk to heroin addicts. It's a dark and lonely place, and crying yourself to sleep happens often."
I was just like, whoa. Leah, who really doesn't even know what heroin looks like, should minister to people who are addicts. WEIRD.
So I guess I'm realizing that God uses us in the strangest ways. And it's awesome. It just takes a willing vessel. And like the title, I hope He's lifted high in everything I do.
Love, Leah
6.10.2011
He ate a slice of wonderbread
Call me human...but I LOVE when people read my blog! The more people like my blog, the more I write.
You know. Makes me feel like I matter and stuff =)
And leave comments, ask questions, whatever! I am always here to talk about faith, life, and whatever else you want to talk about.
Okay, guys, that's all. I love you.
Leah
6.09.2011
Shining like fireworks over your sad, empty town
Sorry for all the posts lately...but I know there are a few people who are like "OHEMGEE I GOT SO EXCITED YOU POSTEEEDD!" Mostly just Emnet, who also has a lovely blog.
I guess I'm kind of realizing how much influence I really have. I am in NO way saying "Oh, I tell people to do things and they just DO them. I get what I want!" Because. Yeah. That's not me.
But I'm also realizing who's really watching. Cue creeper music. Not really. But, you never know who's listening. You never know who watches your littlest action, aspiring to do something you do.
A youth leader was talking to us girls the other day and told us that after being out of high school for ten years, one of her friends became a born again believer...and she asked this leader "Why didn't you tell me? I could've lived these ten years right." And she just kept saying "I thought you knew. I didn't wanna push it."
Who's close to the edge? I know I say this a lot, but this was in a blog post quite a few back...you never know who's teetering, close to the edge. Whether the edge is crying, running away, or killing themselves. You also never know who's that close to grabbing on to the lifeline we offer. And I can't urge this enough.
If you search through the archives of e l e v a t i o n, you'll find my Genesis essay, about why I am who I am. And writing it, Mr. Larson told me that kids have trouble writing that essay because they feel like they have no explanation, and nothing to say about their lives.
NOTHING? You've lived 17 years and have nothing to say? No. I have much to say. I have evidence of God's mercy, His love, and His miracles. If I have a voice, I'm going to use it. And I do. And I'm going to. Not just for one venue, but many.
I urge you to do the same. Live Him. And that may not make sense, but please. Think about it. Live Him. Everything He is. Love. Mercy. Forgiveness.
Love, Leah
I guess I'm kind of realizing how much influence I really have. I am in NO way saying "Oh, I tell people to do things and they just DO them. I get what I want!" Because. Yeah. That's not me.
But I'm also realizing who's really watching. Cue creeper music. Not really. But, you never know who's listening. You never know who watches your littlest action, aspiring to do something you do.
A youth leader was talking to us girls the other day and told us that after being out of high school for ten years, one of her friends became a born again believer...and she asked this leader "Why didn't you tell me? I could've lived these ten years right." And she just kept saying "I thought you knew. I didn't wanna push it."
Who's close to the edge? I know I say this a lot, but this was in a blog post quite a few back...you never know who's teetering, close to the edge. Whether the edge is crying, running away, or killing themselves. You also never know who's that close to grabbing on to the lifeline we offer. And I can't urge this enough.
If you search through the archives of e l e v a t i o n, you'll find my Genesis essay, about why I am who I am. And writing it, Mr. Larson told me that kids have trouble writing that essay because they feel like they have no explanation, and nothing to say about their lives.
NOTHING? You've lived 17 years and have nothing to say? No. I have much to say. I have evidence of God's mercy, His love, and His miracles. If I have a voice, I'm going to use it. And I do. And I'm going to. Not just for one venue, but many.
I urge you to do the same. Live Him. And that may not make sense, but please. Think about it. Live Him. Everything He is. Love. Mercy. Forgiveness.
Love, Leah
6.08.2011
And for Abby, who asked if I can sing!
Here's a performance from graduation
And here's one from my guitar class' concert.
And I give you these to draw your own conclusion =)
By the way, I have two names to drop:
First, Abby. I love her writing and her little plush/keychain shop is having a giveaway! Which I don't want you to enter, since I'd like to win, but, hey, here's some mercy.
Second, Emma. She's on a trip to Guatemala right now. Anddddd I love her. So.
Show these two some love!
And here's one from my guitar class' concert.
And I give you these to draw your own conclusion =)
By the way, I have two names to drop:
First, Abby. I love her writing and her little plush/keychain shop is having a giveaway! Which I don't want you to enter, since I'd like to win, but, hey, here's some mercy.
Second, Emma. She's on a trip to Guatemala right now. Anddddd I love her. So.
Show these two some love!
There's no greater love than this
Hey. I'm gonna write my first real blog in a long time.
I was reading this chapter in John...John 17. And all it is is Jesus talking to God. Which I think is really cool.
And in the pre-passage message of my devotional, Max Lucado wrote "Once upon a tree, a Creator gave His life for creation."
And like, I know that, but somehow, the revelation's gotten deeper for me lately. You know that one song that's like "I would take a bullet fooorr you" as in Jesus? It's kind of like, "Really? Only a bullet? C'mon."
And I talked about this in my Easter post. About how he carried the cross the whole way. But. Just hear me out and humor me.
Jesus could've just died. He could've been shot (aside from the fact that they didn't have guns), he could've just been be-headed...but no. He was whipped, beaten, carried a cross for longer than I can probably run, and hung on a cross with metal driven through his flesh. He could've just done it. Gotten through it. But He didn't. He suffered, He cried, He was in agony, and He finally died.
Whenever I watch The Passion of the Christ, I'm just like "C'mon, Jesus, just die already!" And by just die already, I mean I cant bear to watch Him suffer. And it's because I think "Jesus, I'm not worth it. I'm not worth the pain." I don't know if I'm the only one who feels this way. Jesus, I'm not worth it. You, who was flawless and without sin, dying for me, who has done so much not to deserve it. To deserve You.
The other day in choir, Ms. Milli was talking about the same thing. She said when the enemy comes and says "You can't do anything. You're a failure. You're no superhero" and I say "Yes, you're right," Jesus says "No. You're worth every second of suffering. You're my superhero."
Just to think....that Jesus puts me above Himself. He thinks I'm better than life itself.
I deserved death. I still do. And He didn't have to take it for me....but He did.
And that is true love.
Love,
Leah
I was reading this chapter in John...John 17. And all it is is Jesus talking to God. Which I think is really cool.
And in the pre-passage message of my devotional, Max Lucado wrote "Once upon a tree, a Creator gave His life for creation."
And like, I know that, but somehow, the revelation's gotten deeper for me lately. You know that one song that's like "I would take a bullet fooorr you" as in Jesus? It's kind of like, "Really? Only a bullet? C'mon."
And I talked about this in my Easter post. About how he carried the cross the whole way. But. Just hear me out and humor me.
Jesus could've just died. He could've been shot (aside from the fact that they didn't have guns), he could've just been be-headed...but no. He was whipped, beaten, carried a cross for longer than I can probably run, and hung on a cross with metal driven through his flesh. He could've just done it. Gotten through it. But He didn't. He suffered, He cried, He was in agony, and He finally died.
Whenever I watch The Passion of the Christ, I'm just like "C'mon, Jesus, just die already!" And by just die already, I mean I cant bear to watch Him suffer. And it's because I think "Jesus, I'm not worth it. I'm not worth the pain." I don't know if I'm the only one who feels this way. Jesus, I'm not worth it. You, who was flawless and without sin, dying for me, who has done so much not to deserve it. To deserve You.
The other day in choir, Ms. Milli was talking about the same thing. She said when the enemy comes and says "You can't do anything. You're a failure. You're no superhero" and I say "Yes, you're right," Jesus says "No. You're worth every second of suffering. You're my superhero."
Just to think....that Jesus puts me above Himself. He thinks I'm better than life itself.
I deserved death. I still do. And He didn't have to take it for me....but He did.
And that is true love.
Love,
Leah
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