(title's from 1 Chronicles 29:13!)
So...drum roll, please....
100th blog!!! It's crazy to think that I've sat down at my computer 100 times to write a blog. It's been...hmmm....6 months since I first blogged. If you go back and read my blogs, it's just strange how much I've changed. However, it's very comforting to know that God is doing such a work in me! Not just comforing, but...exciting!!! I think I've come to realize that I've used this blog almost completely for myself up until a little while ago. I've used it to monitor how much I've grown and am still growing. But now, I feel like I can help others grow in the same way. And you know, if nobody learns from me, at least I'm still learning from myself!
It seems like I'm entering into new seasons frequently. At least, more recently. I'm being tested in SO many ways. But I asked for it, didn't I? I said "God, use me. Have your way"
Well he's definitely having it! I was talking with Aaron (surprise surprise) about how different I was a year ago as compared to now. If a guy would've taken interest in me, I probably would've dated him right away. No questions asked. I think that's definitely the reason that God didn't throw guys on top of me. I mean in a metaphorical sense...now that I've changed that outlook towards dating, relationships, and patience in general, I'm being tested. So far, I have been able to say no. Lemme tell ya, it hasn't been easy, but in the end, I manage to uphold my no. There have been times when I've been close to giving up--if being set apart was easy, everybody would be doing it. That's one of the things I tell myself....frequently!
Another thing. Crap what was I going to say? Oh yeah. You've heard 1 Timothy 4:12
"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity."
Of course, the young thing, but setting an example is what gets me.
Set an example in speech. Life. Love. Faith. Purity.
I always kinda thought that purity didn't belong in that verse. Usually, as a teenager, when you hear purity, you think sexual purity. But that's only one piece of the GINORMOUS pie!
Ginormous pie. Mmmmm....
Purity in thought is one thing that almost ALL people struggle with at some point. Actually, probably ALL people struggle with at one point.
So I'm gonna kinda wrap up this blog. I'm using it to set an example. In speech. In life. In love. In faith. And most of all, in purity.
A couple of months ago, I re-wrote my blog bio. If you'd go up and read it, I'll tell you what I was thinking when writing it. Everybody's looking for something to make them feel good, to tell them they're doing things right, and to comfort them and say "everybody makes mistakes" when they're doing things wrong. Sorry, I'm not Hannah Montana!!!
But I think I'm here to admit to you that I'm MOST CERTAINLY not perfect! But what I am, I'll share with you. So I guess...enjoy? I don't really have much more to say.
Have a happy Thanksgiving. Wake up early to watch the parade, otherwise I WILL disown you as a friend. Just kidding. I love you all =) But seriously. Eat some pecan pie and those yummy potatoes with the corn flakes on top. Just for me!
-LL
"Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name; make known among the nations what he has done."
1 Chronicles 16:8
11.17.2009
You've put this love in my heart
"...All these people were still living by faith when they died.
They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance.
And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth.
People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own.
If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return.
Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one.
Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them."
Hebrews 11:14-16 (the message)
So this is something I've been telling people. Yet, at the same time, I've been trying to grasp it myself. Before these verses, it's talking about the different prominent men of the Bible and how they had faith in God and were delivered. At the beginning of the passage, it's the verse that everybody quotes and thinks pertains to everything: Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
But I just had to find out for myself. If I could put my entire life (at this point in time) as applied to the Bible, it would be these two verses. If there's anything that could encourage me more than "For I am with you always; to the very ends of the age", it's these two verses.
And the last sentence..."Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a city for them."
Take for example, the Israelites. It's not like God's gonna say "Hey guys! Go out and wander around in the wilderness until I call you back"
No, no, no. They were pursuing the promise land.
You know how they have that kinda therapy where they submerge a person in their fears so they get over them? I've been thinking about this a lot lately. My brother is going to move out in under a year (tear tear), and Hannah and I have a feud over who gets the room in the basement. It's cold, it's dark, and there's spiders. If you know me, I hate bugs. It's not like I pee myself and roll around on the floor at the sight of a moth, but I definitely get a little speaking in tongues action while trying to catch them. But I think I'm going to take it. Not only because I'd have my own bathroom (YESSSSS!!!!!!!), but because SO many times God has told His people "fear NOT!" Sorry for the random story.
The Israelites wandered in the wilderness. Have you ever heard somebody say "the Israelites went through the wilderness"....no. Wandering. Meandering. It means walking without purpose or knowledge where they're going. God gave them manna. In Hebrew, manna literally means "What is it?" God had to break them of their fears...being in slavery but knowing that there next meal will be supplied by men.
They had to have faith in God to supply their needs. They had no idea what they were doing. In the end, they were led to the promise land. Yeah, while in the wilderness, slavery and bondage was looking preeetttyyy good at that point.
How can I apply this to my life? What could you take away from it?
I don't know what I'm doing. I've left the comfort of ignorance and stumbled into the grace of God. Sure, I long for that ignorance, for that Egypt, sometimes, but when I remember the glory and mercy that I find in Jesus Christ, my faith grows and I imagine that "Heavenly country". It's a country all my own...it's not the wilderness that has been traversed multiple times by numerous people--just the chosen.
I just wish you could get this. I wish you could understand how much He wants that promise land for you. He's PROMISED it! So...I guess that's all I have to say.
"Consider it wholly joyful whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials of any sort of fall into various temptations. Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your fatih brings out endurance and steadfastness and patience." (James 1:2-3)
-LL
p.s.- this is the 99th post! WHOA!
They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance.
And they admitted that they were aliens and strangers on earth.
People who say such things show that they are looking for a country of their own.
If they had been thinking of the country they had left, they would have had opportunity to return.
Instead, they were longing for a better country—a heavenly one.
Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them."
Hebrews 11:14-16 (the message)
So this is something I've been telling people. Yet, at the same time, I've been trying to grasp it myself. Before these verses, it's talking about the different prominent men of the Bible and how they had faith in God and were delivered. At the beginning of the passage, it's the verse that everybody quotes and thinks pertains to everything: Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
But I just had to find out for myself. If I could put my entire life (at this point in time) as applied to the Bible, it would be these two verses. If there's anything that could encourage me more than "For I am with you always; to the very ends of the age", it's these two verses.
And the last sentence..."Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for He has prepared a city for them."
Take for example, the Israelites. It's not like God's gonna say "Hey guys! Go out and wander around in the wilderness until I call you back"
No, no, no. They were pursuing the promise land.
You know how they have that kinda therapy where they submerge a person in their fears so they get over them? I've been thinking about this a lot lately. My brother is going to move out in under a year (tear tear), and Hannah and I have a feud over who gets the room in the basement. It's cold, it's dark, and there's spiders. If you know me, I hate bugs. It's not like I pee myself and roll around on the floor at the sight of a moth, but I definitely get a little speaking in tongues action while trying to catch them. But I think I'm going to take it. Not only because I'd have my own bathroom (YESSSSS!!!!!!!), but because SO many times God has told His people "fear NOT!" Sorry for the random story.
The Israelites wandered in the wilderness. Have you ever heard somebody say "the Israelites went through the wilderness"....no. Wandering. Meandering. It means walking without purpose or knowledge where they're going. God gave them manna. In Hebrew, manna literally means "What is it?" God had to break them of their fears...being in slavery but knowing that there next meal will be supplied by men.
They had to have faith in God to supply their needs. They had no idea what they were doing. In the end, they were led to the promise land. Yeah, while in the wilderness, slavery and bondage was looking preeetttyyy good at that point.
How can I apply this to my life? What could you take away from it?
I don't know what I'm doing. I've left the comfort of ignorance and stumbled into the grace of God. Sure, I long for that ignorance, for that Egypt, sometimes, but when I remember the glory and mercy that I find in Jesus Christ, my faith grows and I imagine that "Heavenly country". It's a country all my own...it's not the wilderness that has been traversed multiple times by numerous people--just the chosen.
I just wish you could get this. I wish you could understand how much He wants that promise land for you. He's PROMISED it! So...I guess that's all I have to say.
"Consider it wholly joyful whenever you are enveloped in or encounter trials of any sort of fall into various temptations. Be assured and understand that the trial and proving of your fatih brings out endurance and steadfastness and patience." (James 1:2-3)
-LL
p.s.- this is the 99th post! WHOA!
11.13.2009
Hear the angels cry, singing "Holy is the Lord"
As humans, I think we tend to put limits on things. Quotas, if you will. Past this certian point, things can't happen. After 11 o clock, you have to be home. After you die, that's the end.
Obviously, we don't believe that. We, being 99% of the people who read this blog, I mean.
I feel like I'm truly discovering that God knows no limits. During prayer tonight, which was...indescribable, to those of you who didn't go, I think that's what I've taken away from it.
He knows no bounds. Never ending. Everlasting. Bottomless. Take the deepest point of the ocean and multiply that by infinity, and God's still beyond it.
I was having an argument with Amelia that infinity always relates back to numbers, and that nothing comes after it.
No no, God comes after infinity.
While I was praying,...
mid-script. There's a song by Paramore that says "I scraped my knees while I was praying"...is that not just the best line ever? I don't even know why. I just love it. I listen to that line of the song then skip to the next song. Just that. Anyway.
While I was praying, I absent-mindedly said "God, I wish you knew how much I want you and love you!"
Yet immediately, I felt him say "Leah, I tell you the same thing...but I really know what I'm talking about. I know exactly how much you want me. I want you more."
I keep hearing that song "I love you more than the sun, than the stars that I taught how to shine"
And in my mind, I went through what I knew about God. The basics, I mean.
God is strength.
God is hope.
God is love.
God is compassion.
God is truth.
etc.
It got to me that I was saying "God is". Not "God might be" or "God, if he exists, is"
"God IS."
God's strength knows no bounds. God's hope knows no limits. His love for us is...unfathomable. His compassion is SO much more than we could even wrap our minds around. God IS the truth. Nothing else.
I mean, I've learned that before. God's big. But just that....out of 6-something billion people on planet earth, I'm His one. He knows me. He has a love for me. I'm His favorite me.
Again, during prayer, I kept singing
"You were, you are, you will be
You're my friend, You're my Father, I'm your Lovely"
And I cried. A lot. A massive amounts. Just the fact that I'm HIS lovely. Nobody else's.
I'm really at a loss for words right now. I'm so ready to walk in all God has for me.
But this analogy has been running around in my mind since the beginning of prayer.
We're saying "God, move! God, come!"
But it's like....we're in track. We're in our little position to start, waiting for the gun to be fired or whatever they do to start races. That shot's already been fired, but we're waiting for the cue to start running.
Well, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? He fired that shot when you got there. Start running at any time!
Hello! You can run! What kinda gunshot are you waiting for? It was already fired! We're waiting on you!
I think that's what God's trying to say. We're telling Him "God, stir us up and start a revival!"
And he's simply saying "I already did. You."
-LL
-LL
Obviously, we don't believe that. We, being 99% of the people who read this blog, I mean.
I feel like I'm truly discovering that God knows no limits. During prayer tonight, which was...indescribable, to those of you who didn't go, I think that's what I've taken away from it.
He knows no bounds. Never ending. Everlasting. Bottomless. Take the deepest point of the ocean and multiply that by infinity, and God's still beyond it.
I was having an argument with Amelia that infinity always relates back to numbers, and that nothing comes after it.
No no, God comes after infinity.
While I was praying,...
mid-script. There's a song by Paramore that says "I scraped my knees while I was praying"...is that not just the best line ever? I don't even know why. I just love it. I listen to that line of the song then skip to the next song. Just that. Anyway.
While I was praying, I absent-mindedly said "God, I wish you knew how much I want you and love you!"
Yet immediately, I felt him say "Leah, I tell you the same thing...but I really know what I'm talking about. I know exactly how much you want me. I want you more."
I keep hearing that song "I love you more than the sun, than the stars that I taught how to shine"
And in my mind, I went through what I knew about God. The basics, I mean.
God is strength.
God is hope.
God is love.
God is compassion.
God is truth.
etc.
It got to me that I was saying "God is". Not "God might be" or "God, if he exists, is"
"God IS."
God's strength knows no bounds. God's hope knows no limits. His love for us is...unfathomable. His compassion is SO much more than we could even wrap our minds around. God IS the truth. Nothing else.
I mean, I've learned that before. God's big. But just that....out of 6-something billion people on planet earth, I'm His one. He knows me. He has a love for me. I'm His favorite me.
Again, during prayer, I kept singing
"You were, you are, you will be
You're my friend, You're my Father, I'm your Lovely"
And I cried. A lot. A massive amounts. Just the fact that I'm HIS lovely. Nobody else's.
I'm really at a loss for words right now. I'm so ready to walk in all God has for me.
But this analogy has been running around in my mind since the beginning of prayer.
We're saying "God, move! God, come!"
But it's like....we're in track. We're in our little position to start, waiting for the gun to be fired or whatever they do to start races. That shot's already been fired, but we're waiting for the cue to start running.
Well, WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? He fired that shot when you got there. Start running at any time!
Hello! You can run! What kinda gunshot are you waiting for? It was already fired! We're waiting on you!
I think that's what God's trying to say. We're telling Him "God, stir us up and start a revival!"
And he's simply saying "I already did. You."
-LL
-LL
11.12.2009
Don't wake me, I plan on sleeping
Ingenious. Ingenuous.
The difference: an I. Yet, that's only one small difference.
Ingenious: (adj.) marked by especial aptitude at discovering, inventing, or contriving.
Ingenuous: (adj.) showing innocent or childlike simplicity and candidness.
With just an I, it can either mean especially skilled or naive. But after learning these two words for AP lang vocab, I feel like I'm just one giant oxymoron. I find myself to be ingenious in a sort of creative way, not that I'm calling myself a genius, but I'd like to think of myself as that inventive person. On the other hand, I have childlike simplicity. Or at least, that's what I strive for. How is there a perfect medium between those two? I tried to think of a word to describe that medium....and I came up with nothing.
Lately, I'm learning how hard ingenuous people are to come by. It's a dying breed. I've been at my "not dating" game for...hmmm....8-9 months now. As time goes on, it gets more difficult. I'm hoping this pattern will be a negative parabola, meaning it goes up then turns right back around and goes down. Sometimes it's just...difficult. Sometimes I feel like I'm not even safe in my own mind anymore. Because I'm so heavily influenced by people around me in this aspect, it seaps into my mind, poisoning my thoughts.
It makes me feel....dirty. Not in a "oooo Leah dirty thoughts" kinda way. Just like "Whoa. I have the mind of Christ. This is NOT Christ-like!"
It's like a four year old little girl in the middle of a bar. Think of an analogy yourself if that one doesn't work for you. I don't belong...my thoughts should NOT be "the bar", but the atmosphere that a little girl belongs in. Like, I have few guys that I have interest in. One may be there for me emotionally, but that's all. Not gonna lie, another one looks pretty dang good. But he's a man-skank (yep just made up a description) and has nothing for me beside the fact that I'm of the female persuasion.
It's pulling teeth rejecting guys. One in particular, and it's not like guys stalk me. I'm not easily chase-able. But it's difficult. Just because I know EXACTLY how it feels.
I know this is a short blog, really jumbled and all, but I felt like I needed to write one!
I'm getting closer to 100!
-LL
The difference: an I. Yet, that's only one small difference.
Ingenious: (adj.) marked by especial aptitude at discovering, inventing, or contriving.
Ingenuous: (adj.) showing innocent or childlike simplicity and candidness.
With just an I, it can either mean especially skilled or naive. But after learning these two words for AP lang vocab, I feel like I'm just one giant oxymoron. I find myself to be ingenious in a sort of creative way, not that I'm calling myself a genius, but I'd like to think of myself as that inventive person. On the other hand, I have childlike simplicity. Or at least, that's what I strive for. How is there a perfect medium between those two? I tried to think of a word to describe that medium....and I came up with nothing.
Lately, I'm learning how hard ingenuous people are to come by. It's a dying breed. I've been at my "not dating" game for...hmmm....8-9 months now. As time goes on, it gets more difficult. I'm hoping this pattern will be a negative parabola, meaning it goes up then turns right back around and goes down. Sometimes it's just...difficult. Sometimes I feel like I'm not even safe in my own mind anymore. Because I'm so heavily influenced by people around me in this aspect, it seaps into my mind, poisoning my thoughts.
It makes me feel....dirty. Not in a "oooo Leah dirty thoughts" kinda way. Just like "Whoa. I have the mind of Christ. This is NOT Christ-like!"
It's like a four year old little girl in the middle of a bar. Think of an analogy yourself if that one doesn't work for you. I don't belong...my thoughts should NOT be "the bar", but the atmosphere that a little girl belongs in. Like, I have few guys that I have interest in. One may be there for me emotionally, but that's all. Not gonna lie, another one looks pretty dang good. But he's a man-skank (yep just made up a description) and has nothing for me beside the fact that I'm of the female persuasion.
It's pulling teeth rejecting guys. One in particular, and it's not like guys stalk me. I'm not easily chase-able. But it's difficult. Just because I know EXACTLY how it feels.
I know this is a short blog, really jumbled and all, but I felt like I needed to write one!
I'm getting closer to 100!
-LL
11.06.2009
It'll take more than just a breeze to make me fall over
So I've had to blog for AP Lang...so whenever I feel like blogging for funsies, I have to blog for literature. But hooray! I have no school today. But my spacebar is deciding when it wants to work, so if I miss a run-on word, I apologize.
There's something I've been wanting to blog about for sometime now. Since like...last week. I'm getting close to my 100th blog, but...yeah. When that happens maybe I'll have a special virtual cake or something.
Anyway. I've been in this "new season" that is WAY different than the last. But it's not like I can mark the day that it started or the day that it'll end. It's just...there. I'm growing up, and most of the time it sucks. But I like it, oddly enough. I'm getting to the point where I just can't explain myself to people.They really just don't understand. It's not that they don't try to understand, they just...can't.
Take for example, an issue I'm dealing with. I was talking to a girl that I thought was on the same page with me about it. Turns out, she's not. We got to talking about "waiting" for the future one and all. I know I have these type of conversations with Sydney all the time, and she gets the gist of what I'm saying. But this girl is just like...I don't know. I thought she agreed, but she's saying "what if you up your 'one' while waiting?"
And I replied "That won't happen. And if it does, it'll all work out in the end."
With this new season, I've realized how much I've grown to trust in God--and how little other people trust in him, too. It's like...I can't imagine surviving without him.Without that hope and trust I have in Him I'm...nothing!
But what I was going to say is something I've been wanting to say for a while. You know how people are always quoting Psalm 114 and being like God knows everything about you! Well, you get the revelation of that sooner or later. You take it to mean He knows what I'm thinking and/or He always sees what I'm doing.
God isn't Santa Claus. Not just in the "Can I have a pony?" aspect, but the "He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake"
Not only does He see you, He KNOWS you.
And I got that a while ago. Just like OH WOW God, you do know everything about me.
Then during the snow days my mom was listening to Beth Moore teaching and she was talking about this....more or less. And the major thing that God knows about us that we don't is potential. What we're capable of. So many people ask for prophetic words, like "What will I be when I grow up, God?"
And they don't get it. It's just because they're not ready to know. God is holding that information. If I had gotten my prophetic word at Apex LAST year instead of this year, I don't know what I would've done. I would've flipped, first of all, then probably gone off the deep end. I had to grow, re-examine my past, and seek after God like never before, just so I could know what the future was like.
At Apex this year (I dunno if I've already told this story), we had a worship everynight. Well duh, I know. But there was this moment, when I had Nick on my left and Aundi on my right, but I felt alone in a crowded room. It was like, a moment that could never happen again. I desperately wanted a word from God.
"Not about who I was, who I am, but who I will be, God."
And it was like God told me "Savor this moment. If you could never experience me again, do it now. Let this be enough for you."
So I gave up on getting that word. If He wanted me to know, He'd tell me. If I wasn't ready, He wouldn't....I don't think a lot of people get that. We have to be at the perfect place for our word. Honestly, if I hadn't gotten that word, I wouldn't be playing guitar anymore. At all. It'd be in the gig bag in the corner of my room. But I want his will SO badly for my life. He knows exactly what I'm capable of. He needed to tell me that in order for me to perservere through a very trying point in my life...which I'm now doing.
Compared to the one word I've gotten about my future, I've gotten quite a few that just say things like "strength to stand" or "be that warrior", etc.
It's like the puzzle of my life. Fighting that battle for the victory in the end. A few months back, I had that lady
(Karen) tell me I was a warrior for my family, I didn't understand,etc.
But it's come full circle.
So I guess that's what I wanted to say. Sorry if it doesn't make sense. Again, I don't know what to say anymore. Well, I know what to say...just not how to say it.
-LL
There's something I've been wanting to blog about for sometime now. Since like...last week. I'm getting close to my 100th blog, but...yeah. When that happens maybe I'll have a special virtual cake or something.
Anyway. I've been in this "new season" that is WAY different than the last. But it's not like I can mark the day that it started or the day that it'll end. It's just...there. I'm growing up, and most of the time it sucks. But I like it, oddly enough. I'm getting to the point where I just can't explain myself to people.They really just don't understand. It's not that they don't try to understand, they just...can't.
Take for example, an issue I'm dealing with. I was talking to a girl that I thought was on the same page with me about it. Turns out, she's not. We got to talking about "waiting" for the future one and all. I know I have these type of conversations with Sydney all the time, and she gets the gist of what I'm saying. But this girl is just like...I don't know. I thought she agreed, but she's saying "what if you up your 'one' while waiting?"
And I replied "That won't happen. And if it does, it'll all work out in the end."
With this new season, I've realized how much I've grown to trust in God--and how little other people trust in him, too. It's like...I can't imagine surviving without him.Without that hope and trust I have in Him I'm...nothing!
But what I was going to say is something I've been wanting to say for a while. You know how people are always quoting Psalm 114 and being like God knows everything about you! Well, you get the revelation of that sooner or later. You take it to mean He knows what I'm thinking and/or He always sees what I'm doing.
God isn't Santa Claus. Not just in the "Can I have a pony?" aspect, but the "He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake"
Not only does He see you, He KNOWS you.
And I got that a while ago. Just like OH WOW God, you do know everything about me.
Then during the snow days my mom was listening to Beth Moore teaching and she was talking about this....more or less. And the major thing that God knows about us that we don't is potential. What we're capable of. So many people ask for prophetic words, like "What will I be when I grow up, God?"
And they don't get it. It's just because they're not ready to know. God is holding that information. If I had gotten my prophetic word at Apex LAST year instead of this year, I don't know what I would've done. I would've flipped, first of all, then probably gone off the deep end. I had to grow, re-examine my past, and seek after God like never before, just so I could know what the future was like.
At Apex this year (I dunno if I've already told this story), we had a worship everynight. Well duh, I know. But there was this moment, when I had Nick on my left and Aundi on my right, but I felt alone in a crowded room. It was like, a moment that could never happen again. I desperately wanted a word from God.
"Not about who I was, who I am, but who I will be, God."
And it was like God told me "Savor this moment. If you could never experience me again, do it now. Let this be enough for you."
So I gave up on getting that word. If He wanted me to know, He'd tell me. If I wasn't ready, He wouldn't....I don't think a lot of people get that. We have to be at the perfect place for our word. Honestly, if I hadn't gotten that word, I wouldn't be playing guitar anymore. At all. It'd be in the gig bag in the corner of my room. But I want his will SO badly for my life. He knows exactly what I'm capable of. He needed to tell me that in order for me to perservere through a very trying point in my life...which I'm now doing.
Compared to the one word I've gotten about my future, I've gotten quite a few that just say things like "strength to stand" or "be that warrior", etc.
It's like the puzzle of my life. Fighting that battle for the victory in the end. A few months back, I had that lady
(Karen) tell me I was a warrior for my family, I didn't understand,etc.
But it's come full circle.
So I guess that's what I wanted to say. Sorry if it doesn't make sense. Again, I don't know what to say anymore. Well, I know what to say...just not how to say it.
-LL
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