I think I'll give you a lyric from the ever-awesome Kimya Dawson:
i lived alone so i took him home
he doesn't love me but he keeps me company
everything is alright
Does this just describe a lot of people in the world? I love the lyrics of Kimya Dawson. And Regina Spektor, but that's a different story. Like the song I'm listening to right now. Some of her lyrics don't make any sense at all, but some of them have great depth.
Silver pink ponies flying over me
you may feel strange, well, you are an angel
stuck in tight pants
stuck at a high school dance
stuck doing people things not knowing you have wings
you are my serenade you are my lemonade
you are my soul throw it all out the window.
That was obviously one that didn't really make a whole lot of sense.
I'm kind of in a weird mood right now. I've decided that there are a lot of things I'm just...done with. Like a month ago, I wrote a blog about how I'm black and white. And I've found out that the more I say that, the more I'm confused about what black and white TRULY is. It's like, I have to prove to myself that I'm black and white. I guess I need to stop telling myself I'm this way.
It's funny to see how my opinion changes from day to day. Like today, I stepped in gum. It was great. I was SO happy. NOT. I think my hope for the entire human race has just been...a little dimmed. Like the other day, I saw a girl just spit out her gum. Like it kinda just fell out of her mouth. But I could tell that it was on purpose. I wanted to just go shove her and be like HEY CHICA THAT'S NOT HOW THE WORLD WORKS!
But then I remembered...oh wait, yeah it is. Or at least, that's how it works in our school. Maybe even in Parker. Anyway. It's like every day I spend walking alone, I learn that I'm truly alone in a crowded hallway. Nobody is me, and a lot of people walk right past me. Sometimes I get run into, I might get flat-tired, but in the end, I'm alone. Yet while being alone, I'm never alone. It's like Jesus is holding my hand just walking calmly.
Like I was telling Danielle earlier, a lot of people ask me if I'm about to cry when they see me walking. No, I say, I'm just alone with my thoughts. It's like in the midst of a thousand people, I can just think. No talking, no laughing...and that's just okay.
You may be thinking "Wow Leah, you sound like SUCH a loner"
Yeah, yeah I do. But even as a loner, I'm never alone! I'm kind of just...here.
I remembered a song and I HAD to tell Danielle. Crawl by Superchick. I've kinda grown away from Superchick, but in the end of the song, it says
When I am lost / You have not lost me
It's just...great. And even with my parents, I feel like they just don't understand. Not in that kind of "NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME!" Nirvana-fan metal head kinda way. I'm finding things out for myself.
Like even with my mom. After Apex, I was supposed to tell her the Word I got. Yet I never did. I still haven't. It's been a month! I guess I'll tell her sometime. Before I go to college, obviously. When she realizes that I don't declare a journalism major haha.
Anyway. I love you all.
you are my serenade, you are my lemonade
-LL
39. Convince somebody I have some kinda unheard of disease because I don't get vaccinated.
this is probably one of the bucket list items that I'm anxious to complete. VERY anxious to complete.
9.04.2009
9.03.2009
my.dreams.are.me
Hmmm. West Side Story is my love. Seriously.
So Sonia Morgan and I have had similar blogging posts lately. Did you notice how I didn't put commas in that last sentence? It's driving me crazy. I have grammar OCD, I'm pretty sure.
But it was funny.
On a side note, ya'll should get twitters. Everybody says they're too complex, when they're really not. If Paanii can figure it out, so can you! I LOVE getting tweets in the middle of the day. Especially from my cousin...anyway. Point is that you know a whole lot more about my life through my tweets. It's like a family...of birds. We tweet each other. Eh? Eh? *rickshaw*
In theatre, one of the scenes had to have two people portraying a couple. Turns out it was a girl playing a guy, so two girls holding hands. And the girl being the boyfriend has a thing about holding hands with people other than her boyfriend. So instead of rehearsing, we were testing out how people responded to holding hands with the fingers laced.
And I realized something. A lot of the relationships we have with people have their physicial actions assigned. Boyfriend = hold hand. Best friend = hug. And so on.
Like I assign people smells. And you're gonna think I'm crazy, but that's okay. I already think I'm crazy.
Especially people I spend a lot of time with. And even some I don't spend time with. Like for example...Aundi smells like lilac. Nick smells like foundation. And so on.
It's weird that I like those two smells. I think that helps with why I like spending time with them, too.
So yes. You're sitting there at your computer thinking "Wow. I have a friend that designates smells to people. Like a dog. I have a friend that is a dog."
You're absolutely right. But it's kinda just...something we do. We let people assign what is normal and what is not. Like with previous boyfriends, I'd always get "you guys don't even hold hands?" and my reply would be "well, I guess sometimes. Not really though"
just because that's not really how I roll. I also don't just hug people willy-nilly. If somebody wants to hug me, I let them. Simple as that.
And we move past that. To dancing.
In the words of myself,
"Nuff said"
"Well."
"Dear goodness"
Use any of those and that's how I feel about dancing and school dances in general. I understand that I just haven't gotten a good school dance yet, but I'm reluctant to try my hand at a good one! So I decided that if it doesn't work out to my pre-set conditions, I just won't go. I'm not being super specific with these conditions, but with them being what they are, I can't NOT have a good homecoming. One of them is I'm not wearing heels. I'm not stepping in barf three years running.
The other three are a secret. But, you'll find out if they happen! So just try to coordinate nice thingsfor me, kay?
Just kidding. I figure if I don't go to homecoming, I'll do something more fun...instead of buying an expensive dress just to be rubbed the wrong way by people I don't even know. I'll leave it at that.
So I hope you all had a good day. I'll include something random since Morgan is now including conversations in hers...
a girl, Carly, and I were talking in guitar...just because we were talking about Will Smith and Will Ferrell. And then I was talking about the Pursuit of Happyness, which is a CRAZY amazing movie. But we decided we wanted our children to have cute little afros like Jaden Smith. Because he's just SO adorable.
That litle conversation fueled one with Paanii, which has evolved into something...entirely different. Today's just a weird day. Anyway.
Homecoming is in exactly a month. We'll see how this story unravels.
Which reminds me of a lyric...the road less traveled shows happiness unraveled!
So I guess I'm unraveling happiness.
I love you all. Sorry this post is so long. I have hardly any homework.
-LL
38. Get somebody un-lost.
So Sonia Morgan and I have had similar blogging posts lately. Did you notice how I didn't put commas in that last sentence? It's driving me crazy. I have grammar OCD, I'm pretty sure.
But it was funny.
On a side note, ya'll should get twitters. Everybody says they're too complex, when they're really not. If Paanii can figure it out, so can you! I LOVE getting tweets in the middle of the day. Especially from my cousin...anyway. Point is that you know a whole lot more about my life through my tweets. It's like a family...of birds. We tweet each other. Eh? Eh? *rickshaw*
In theatre, one of the scenes had to have two people portraying a couple. Turns out it was a girl playing a guy, so two girls holding hands. And the girl being the boyfriend has a thing about holding hands with people other than her boyfriend. So instead of rehearsing, we were testing out how people responded to holding hands with the fingers laced.
And I realized something. A lot of the relationships we have with people have their physicial actions assigned. Boyfriend = hold hand. Best friend = hug. And so on.
Like I assign people smells. And you're gonna think I'm crazy, but that's okay. I already think I'm crazy.
Especially people I spend a lot of time with. And even some I don't spend time with. Like for example...Aundi smells like lilac. Nick smells like foundation. And so on.
It's weird that I like those two smells. I think that helps with why I like spending time with them, too.
So yes. You're sitting there at your computer thinking "Wow. I have a friend that designates smells to people. Like a dog. I have a friend that is a dog."
You're absolutely right. But it's kinda just...something we do. We let people assign what is normal and what is not. Like with previous boyfriends, I'd always get "you guys don't even hold hands?" and my reply would be "well, I guess sometimes. Not really though"
just because that's not really how I roll. I also don't just hug people willy-nilly. If somebody wants to hug me, I let them. Simple as that.
And we move past that. To dancing.
In the words of myself,
"Nuff said"
"Well."
"Dear goodness"
Use any of those and that's how I feel about dancing and school dances in general. I understand that I just haven't gotten a good school dance yet, but I'm reluctant to try my hand at a good one! So I decided that if it doesn't work out to my pre-set conditions, I just won't go. I'm not being super specific with these conditions, but with them being what they are, I can't NOT have a good homecoming. One of them is I'm not wearing heels. I'm not stepping in barf three years running.
The other three are a secret. But, you'll find out if they happen! So just try to coordinate nice thingsfor me, kay?
Just kidding. I figure if I don't go to homecoming, I'll do something more fun...instead of buying an expensive dress just to be rubbed the wrong way by people I don't even know. I'll leave it at that.
So I hope you all had a good day. I'll include something random since Morgan is now including conversations in hers...
a girl, Carly, and I were talking in guitar...just because we were talking about Will Smith and Will Ferrell. And then I was talking about the Pursuit of Happyness, which is a CRAZY amazing movie. But we decided we wanted our children to have cute little afros like Jaden Smith. Because he's just SO adorable.
That litle conversation fueled one with Paanii, which has evolved into something...entirely different. Today's just a weird day. Anyway.
Homecoming is in exactly a month. We'll see how this story unravels.
Which reminds me of a lyric...the road less traveled shows happiness unraveled!
So I guess I'm unraveling happiness.
I love you all. Sorry this post is so long. I have hardly any homework.
-LL
38. Get somebody un-lost.
9.01.2009
everybody.dies.but.not.everyone.lives.
Can I just say DDUUUUDDDEEE I LOOOVVVESSSS MY NEW LAYOUT!
I had my white one. Blah blah. And then I was like no. Sydney has a cool one. Morgan has a cool one. I need a cool one.
So here it is. With my rainbow, bird, coffee, clipboard, and whatever else! I think it's awesome.
Anyway. I was just REALLY excited. If I could live in my blog, I would be content with that.
Okay. Onto something I've been wanting to say for a while.
My spanish teacher says vocab. A LOT. And not just that, but she says it weird. Like voCAB! Emphasis on the cab. I'm the only one in my class that has realized this.
Onto another subject. It's that time of year again! That's right, Homecoming! Brush up on your innuendos, work on your grinding, buy a dress and you're set!
...that is, if you're a typical high schooler. Which I'd like to think I'm not. I don't even wanna go, really. Perhaps a trip to Chili's instead with an ex-homecoming queen (ahem bundimeister cough cough). I gotta say I love homecoming week, just because you get to dress all wacky, but the dance is just...no. Both years have been ruined by a guy I'd been chasing. Two different guys, mind you. One stalks me now and one hardly talks to me. Just because we don't see eachother much anymore, we're still good friends!
But it doesn't bring out the best in people. Sure, guys are dressed in their ties and khakis while girls are just plain gorgeous (most of the time), but it's like "hey! we're SO dressed up, we'll just get all nasty on my new homecoming dress from macy's!"
Both years I've also stepped in vomit. Bare foot. If you're not gagging by now, you have some kinda iron stomach. That's why if I go this year, I'm wearing chucks. I don't even care what my mom or anybody else says! It SCREAMS classy. Like "I'm so classy, I refuse to mutilate my feet!"
That's how classy.
And I'm a zombie the next Sunday morning. At least they don't have after-homecoming or something. That would be...not good.
Anyway. I have a month and two days to decide if I'm going. I could go to multiple homecomings, I could go to none at all. And yet I'm laying it all on the line for a date. See, I've never had a homecoming date.
Paanii told me to ask Tommy. I laughed. He was serious. He apparently isn't too smart.
I'd like a date, actually, but not a clingy one. But not one that's like "hey! we're here! see ya later, leah!"
And believe it or not, I don't wanna go to Chap's homecoming. Running into people I know is just...awkward sometimes. Especially when I'm not wearing my glasses. Oh dear goodness. That's another thing. Chucks and glasses. In true Leah fashion. And I'll request David Bowie or something along those lines. Forget Metro Station. Forget Katy Perry. Bring out the old school...fool...(?)
Something I decided today. Even though it's overplayed in my guitar class, I'd like to also be serenaded with "Collide" by Howie Day. So generic, but so...I don't even know!
That leaves it at three songs.
Collide.
Angel.
Quelqu'un M'a Dit. (Somebody Told Me)
And that is all.
Ah. Well. I feel rather...content. That's pretty good. I think I've gotten to the point in my life where time moves at its own pace, people do what they want, things happen, and I'm still here. Like you know those above the influence commercials? Not saying I'm under the influence or anything. But like everything moves around the person and they're still just...there? But I'm enjoying it. Especially after reading Ecclesiastes, which I've FINALLY learned how to spell. I kinda stumbled upon it a month or so ago, but now it's in my devotional reading. So I'm like OH I get it, God! I'm supposed to REMEMBER this!
And it's a little difficult sometimes. But I think that's putting a bit of joy into my days.
Anyway. No me gusta tarea. But sadly, I have to go do it. Frown.
oh. by the way. my title is from "Cross the Line" by Superchick...the music video just came out and it's...intense? Anyway. I love that line, just because you have to really wrap your mind around it to FINALLY get it.
I love you all.
-LL
37. Watch an entire season of M*A*S*H
I had my white one. Blah blah. And then I was like no. Sydney has a cool one. Morgan has a cool one. I need a cool one.
So here it is. With my rainbow, bird, coffee, clipboard, and whatever else! I think it's awesome.
Anyway. I was just REALLY excited. If I could live in my blog, I would be content with that.
Okay. Onto something I've been wanting to say for a while.
My spanish teacher says vocab. A LOT. And not just that, but she says it weird. Like voCAB! Emphasis on the cab. I'm the only one in my class that has realized this.
Onto another subject. It's that time of year again! That's right, Homecoming! Brush up on your innuendos, work on your grinding, buy a dress and you're set!
...that is, if you're a typical high schooler. Which I'd like to think I'm not. I don't even wanna go, really. Perhaps a trip to Chili's instead with an ex-homecoming queen (ahem bundimeister cough cough). I gotta say I love homecoming week, just because you get to dress all wacky, but the dance is just...no. Both years have been ruined by a guy I'd been chasing. Two different guys, mind you. One stalks me now and one hardly talks to me. Just because we don't see eachother much anymore, we're still good friends!
But it doesn't bring out the best in people. Sure, guys are dressed in their ties and khakis while girls are just plain gorgeous (most of the time), but it's like "hey! we're SO dressed up, we'll just get all nasty on my new homecoming dress from macy's!"
Both years I've also stepped in vomit. Bare foot. If you're not gagging by now, you have some kinda iron stomach. That's why if I go this year, I'm wearing chucks. I don't even care what my mom or anybody else says! It SCREAMS classy. Like "I'm so classy, I refuse to mutilate my feet!"
That's how classy.
And I'm a zombie the next Sunday morning. At least they don't have after-homecoming or something. That would be...not good.
Anyway. I have a month and two days to decide if I'm going. I could go to multiple homecomings, I could go to none at all. And yet I'm laying it all on the line for a date. See, I've never had a homecoming date.
Paanii told me to ask Tommy. I laughed. He was serious. He apparently isn't too smart.
I'd like a date, actually, but not a clingy one. But not one that's like "hey! we're here! see ya later, leah!"
And believe it or not, I don't wanna go to Chap's homecoming. Running into people I know is just...awkward sometimes. Especially when I'm not wearing my glasses. Oh dear goodness. That's another thing. Chucks and glasses. In true Leah fashion. And I'll request David Bowie or something along those lines. Forget Metro Station. Forget Katy Perry. Bring out the old school...fool...(?)
Something I decided today. Even though it's overplayed in my guitar class, I'd like to also be serenaded with "Collide" by Howie Day. So generic, but so...I don't even know!
That leaves it at three songs.
Collide.
Angel.
Quelqu'un M'a Dit. (Somebody Told Me)
And that is all.
Ah. Well. I feel rather...content. That's pretty good. I think I've gotten to the point in my life where time moves at its own pace, people do what they want, things happen, and I'm still here. Like you know those above the influence commercials? Not saying I'm under the influence or anything. But like everything moves around the person and they're still just...there? But I'm enjoying it. Especially after reading Ecclesiastes, which I've FINALLY learned how to spell. I kinda stumbled upon it a month or so ago, but now it's in my devotional reading. So I'm like OH I get it, God! I'm supposed to REMEMBER this!
And it's a little difficult sometimes. But I think that's putting a bit of joy into my days.
Anyway. No me gusta tarea. But sadly, I have to go do it. Frown.
oh. by the way. my title is from "Cross the Line" by Superchick...the music video just came out and it's...intense? Anyway. I love that line, just because you have to really wrap your mind around it to FINALLY get it.
I love you all.
-LL
37. Watch an entire season of M*A*S*H
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