I think I'll give you a lyric from the ever-awesome Kimya Dawson:
i lived alone so i took him home
he doesn't love me but he keeps me company
everything is alright
Does this just describe a lot of people in the world? I love the lyrics of Kimya Dawson. And Regina Spektor, but that's a different story. Like the song I'm listening to right now. Some of her lyrics don't make any sense at all, but some of them have great depth.
Silver pink ponies flying over me
you may feel strange, well, you are an angel
stuck in tight pants
stuck at a high school dance
stuck doing people things not knowing you have wings
you are my serenade you are my lemonade
you are my soul throw it all out the window.
That was obviously one that didn't really make a whole lot of sense.
I'm kind of in a weird mood right now. I've decided that there are a lot of things I'm just...done with. Like a month ago, I wrote a blog about how I'm black and white. And I've found out that the more I say that, the more I'm confused about what black and white TRULY is. It's like, I have to prove to myself that I'm black and white. I guess I need to stop telling myself I'm this way.
It's funny to see how my opinion changes from day to day. Like today, I stepped in gum. It was great. I was SO happy. NOT. I think my hope for the entire human race has just been...a little dimmed. Like the other day, I saw a girl just spit out her gum. Like it kinda just fell out of her mouth. But I could tell that it was on purpose. I wanted to just go shove her and be like HEY CHICA THAT'S NOT HOW THE WORLD WORKS!
But then I remembered...oh wait, yeah it is. Or at least, that's how it works in our school. Maybe even in Parker. Anyway. It's like every day I spend walking alone, I learn that I'm truly alone in a crowded hallway. Nobody is me, and a lot of people walk right past me. Sometimes I get run into, I might get flat-tired, but in the end, I'm alone. Yet while being alone, I'm never alone. It's like Jesus is holding my hand just walking calmly.
Like I was telling Danielle earlier, a lot of people ask me if I'm about to cry when they see me walking. No, I say, I'm just alone with my thoughts. It's like in the midst of a thousand people, I can just think. No talking, no laughing...and that's just okay.
You may be thinking "Wow Leah, you sound like SUCH a loner"
Yeah, yeah I do. But even as a loner, I'm never alone! I'm kind of just...here.
I remembered a song and I HAD to tell Danielle. Crawl by Superchick. I've kinda grown away from Superchick, but in the end of the song, it says
When I am lost / You have not lost me
It's just...great. And even with my parents, I feel like they just don't understand. Not in that kind of "NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME!" Nirvana-fan metal head kinda way. I'm finding things out for myself.
Like even with my mom. After Apex, I was supposed to tell her the Word I got. Yet I never did. I still haven't. It's been a month! I guess I'll tell her sometime. Before I go to college, obviously. When she realizes that I don't declare a journalism major haha.
Anyway. I love you all.
you are my serenade, you are my lemonade
-LL
39. Convince somebody I have some kinda unheard of disease because I don't get vaccinated.
this is probably one of the bucket list items that I'm anxious to complete. VERY anxious to complete.
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