So I've had to blog for AP Lang...so whenever I feel like blogging for funsies, I have to blog for literature. But hooray! I have no school today. But my spacebar is deciding when it wants to work, so if I miss a run-on word, I apologize.
There's something I've been wanting to blog about for sometime now. Since like...last week. I'm getting close to my 100th blog, but...yeah. When that happens maybe I'll have a special virtual cake or something.
Anyway. I've been in this "new season" that is WAY different than the last. But it's not like I can mark the day that it started or the day that it'll end. It's just...there. I'm growing up, and most of the time it sucks. But I like it, oddly enough. I'm getting to the point where I just can't explain myself to people.They really just don't understand. It's not that they don't try to understand, they just...can't.
Take for example, an issue I'm dealing with. I was talking to a girl that I thought was on the same page with me about it. Turns out, she's not. We got to talking about "waiting" for the future one and all. I know I have these type of conversations with Sydney all the time, and she gets the gist of what I'm saying. But this girl is just like...I don't know. I thought she agreed, but she's saying "what if you up your 'one' while waiting?"
And I replied "That won't happen. And if it does, it'll all work out in the end."
With this new season, I've realized how much I've grown to trust in God--and how little other people trust in him, too. It's like...I can't imagine surviving without him.Without that hope and trust I have in Him I'm...nothing!
But what I was going to say is something I've been wanting to say for a while. You know how people are always quoting Psalm 114 and being like God knows everything about you! Well, you get the revelation of that sooner or later. You take it to mean He knows what I'm thinking and/or He always sees what I'm doing.
God isn't Santa Claus. Not just in the "Can I have a pony?" aspect, but the "He sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake"
Not only does He see you, He KNOWS you.
And I got that a while ago. Just like OH WOW God, you do know everything about me.
Then during the snow days my mom was listening to Beth Moore teaching and she was talking about this....more or less. And the major thing that God knows about us that we don't is potential. What we're capable of. So many people ask for prophetic words, like "What will I be when I grow up, God?"
And they don't get it. It's just because they're not ready to know. God is holding that information. If I had gotten my prophetic word at Apex LAST year instead of this year, I don't know what I would've done. I would've flipped, first of all, then probably gone off the deep end. I had to grow, re-examine my past, and seek after God like never before, just so I could know what the future was like.
At Apex this year (I dunno if I've already told this story), we had a worship everynight. Well duh, I know. But there was this moment, when I had Nick on my left and Aundi on my right, but I felt alone in a crowded room. It was like, a moment that could never happen again. I desperately wanted a word from God.
"Not about who I was, who I am, but who I will be, God."
And it was like God told me "Savor this moment. If you could never experience me again, do it now. Let this be enough for you."
So I gave up on getting that word. If He wanted me to know, He'd tell me. If I wasn't ready, He wouldn't....I don't think a lot of people get that. We have to be at the perfect place for our word. Honestly, if I hadn't gotten that word, I wouldn't be playing guitar anymore. At all. It'd be in the gig bag in the corner of my room. But I want his will SO badly for my life. He knows exactly what I'm capable of. He needed to tell me that in order for me to perservere through a very trying point in my life...which I'm now doing.
Compared to the one word I've gotten about my future, I've gotten quite a few that just say things like "strength to stand" or "be that warrior", etc.
It's like the puzzle of my life. Fighting that battle for the victory in the end. A few months back, I had that lady
(Karen) tell me I was a warrior for my family, I didn't understand,etc.
But it's come full circle.
So I guess that's what I wanted to say. Sorry if it doesn't make sense. Again, I don't know what to say anymore. Well, I know what to say...just not how to say it.
-LL
I think that the God's timing is definitely something I'm beginning to appreciate more too. It's like although I may be pleading with God to use me in a certain area, He'll have me wait for an unseeming amount of time.
ReplyDeleteIt's taken over a year for Him to give me the opportunity to do what I've been asking for, and now that I think of it, I wouldn't have made any impact if I'd had been given the circumstance right when I felt ready for it. It takes trial, pain, and then God dependency for Him to prepare me for my interceding opportunities. He truly does know ourselves better than we do.