I won't fear You're leading me

So I've had blog ideas in my head for way too long to be healthy. Such as favor, timing, and a third subject that I can't exactly remember right now, but when I start writing, I will. I think it was a word that can be associated with love, trust, and friends, but I'm not sure. Oh well.
I don't know how to start out this blog. Favor.
 A little wisdom from Hillsong United
This is my prayer in the harvest
when favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
This seed I've received I will sow
It's kind of a weird (weird? I don't know if that's the word) thought. In a time of such abundance, where pretty much everything's right, we expected to be emptied...AGAIN. I can imagine myself saying "Again, God? AGAIN?"
Yeah, duh, Leah, you signed up for this. When you say "Have Your way with me" that's not just when you see the harvest. You see the harvest as a RESULT of the months of labor, the storms....
Oh. That brings me to a point that I've been thinking about. Rain. If you know me at all, (or maybe not) I LOVE rain. I don't know when this infatuation started, but I know it's there. I think it's mostly because I can already see the results of it. The murals of chalk are washed away from the street, the grass is a little bit greener...but it takes something unpleasant. Rain can be a little scary, depending on where you live, the season, whatever. There was a storm this summer, which was pretty frickin frightening, yet I was safe at home. I love watching lightning. But Aundi, Hannah (the hermanita one), and other miscellaneous people were caught out in the storm, praying that everything would stop, that nothing would be damaged, etc.
I think I've learned how to enjoy the rain for just how unpleasant it is. It was raining yesterday and I probably walked the slowest from school to my mom's car possible. No hood on, not running, just...walking. Sure, it's cold, sure, i'm getting drenched, but I'm being refreshed. It's like no matter what happened, I was walking in the rain. I would've stood out there waiting, but I thought it would be too cheesy-romance-novel and my mom would get mad at me for being wet. And the thing is, I would be standing....alone. ALONE. I don't think anybody really likes the word alone. A lot of the time, people won't just stand out in the rain with you. They'll probably tell you you're crazy for wanting this rain, for wanting to stand in it, most of all.
But man, is it AWESOME if you can find a friend that not only is willing to stand in the rain with you, but enjoys it! Sure, you're still going to get wet. But it makes it so much bearable.
Whoa. Long rant. But now I'm moving on to timing.
I've been dealing with this a LOT lately. Whenever I blog about something and write a lot, it usually comes up to a conversation with Paanii...am I wrong? Nope. He was my partial go-to for a season (a relatively short season), but that season is over. We decided to catch up today, and it didn't end well, because somehow, it always comes down to an issue that I care very strongly about, even though it doesn't involve me in the least bit. He doesn't really understand how much insight from God I've gained in this...giant experience (the one we argue about). I'm still growing, I'm still learning, I'm still learning to stand in the rain. Believe me, it's not been a pleasant rain. A lot of the time I haven't reacted well to the forecast, kicking and screaming as the raindrops start to fall. Slowly but surely, I'm learning. After the rain, there's a rainbow. Usually, the bigger the rain, the bigger the rainbow.
Every rain is plotted out by God. Every rainbow, painted with His fingers. And most people will only remember how bad the last rain was when they see the forecast calls for another one; yet nobody remembers how beautiful the rainbow was.
I'm mostly learning that nobody is going to understand my love of rain. They'll come close, but they'll never find that perfect balance of a lot of love and a little bit of dread that makes up my "relationship" (for lack of a better word) with rain. Only God understands...He created it! He orchestrates every storm...just for me. He knows exactly how much rain I can take, and when I can't take it anymore, He's my umbrella. He never just watches from inside a building, letting me be pelted with raindrop after raindrop. He stands there, knowing EXACTLY what he's doing.

I guess I'll finish what I wanted to write about tomorrow. Sorry for my rant...
pre-script- I'm reading My Sister's Keeper. The book that everyone reads like...sliced bread? (best thing since sliced bread, eh eh?) I wish we could read food...then eat it. That would be awesome. Like cereal boxes but BETTER!

I love you guys. Have an awesome day, be bold, do the impossible, eat a PB&J for me!
-LL

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