Now she rips the wings off of butterflies

Well dear friends, it's been a while since I've blogged two days in a row. I'm sure Sydney's rather excited, while the rest of you are just okay with it.
I'm gonna start out with a verse, and hopefully I'll have something to say about it. If not, I'll just give you another one. But you know when you read a verse and your thoughts practically scream "that's ME. God, You wrote that for ME"
Yep, one of those times. They've been occuring more and more lately. So this is between Jeremiah and the Big Man. (Jeremiah 1:5-9)

"'Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart;

I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.'

'Ah, Sovereign Lord,' I said, 'I do not know how to speak; I am only a child.'

But the Lord said to me, 'Do not say, "I am only a child."

You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, 

for I am with you and will rescue you,' declares the Lord.

Then the Lord reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, 'Now, I have put my words in your mouth.'"

Dude. What a slap in the face! A good one...if such a thing ever existed.
For some reason or another, I tend to feel inferior. Subordinate. Weak. Whether it's my ability to play guitar, passive remarks from my friends, failing a quiz, whatever--it happens.
Then I get to the whole "Why, God?" If there is one question that I think the human race as a whole has asked the most, it's probably "Why, God?" Half the people that ask these people aren't even sure if there is a God. As a matter of fact, they could be positively convinced He isn't there at all. But when you're asking somebody a question, there has to be some sliver of hope in your mind that they're listening.
I'm done with questioning God. Why should I? Because I don't think He's doing a good enough job with me? That's not it at all. Why was I born into my family, God? Why was I born into this country at all? Why wasn't I born into a country in Africa? Why I wasn't born as a chicken??
They might as well all be the same question. Why God? Why me?
And yet, all He has to say is "Because. I made you...you."
He had me set apart, He had designed every aspect me, He had plotted out every great thing I would ever accomplish. But at the same time, he mapped out every tear, every heartbreak, every struggle. He orchestrated every detail of my life, and He's not even finished. He's proud of his work, and hates when I'm not. Not just when I'm not proud of His work, but when others convince me I shouldn't be proud.
Sure, I'm not gonna parade around acting like I'm the best thing since sliced bread, but God believes it. I'm his daughter, one He never wants to let go of.
As I was reading on in Jeremiah, I came across a verse (phrase, actually) that I had underlined. It's kinda cool that as I get older, my perspective flips...even just on words.

"'Get yourself ready! stand up and say to them whatever I command you. 

Do not be terrified by them, or I will terrify you before them. 

Today I have made you a fortified city, an iron pillar and a bronze wall to stand against the whole land. 

They will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you and will rescue you,' declares the Lord."

Crazy stuff. I gotta say, iron and bronze are probably preeettttyyy strong compared to a "whole land". It's one wall, but still, it will NOT be destroyed, no matter how many people come up against it. I'd rather not be terrified in front of a crowd of people, I'd definitely rather terrify them with what I (or actually, He) say(s). How awesome is that?
While I'm typing, my fingers hurt. If you know me at all, I've complained to you multiple times that my fingers hurt. I pretty much burn the tips of my fingers until they're hard enough to play pretty notes. God's giving me a crazy determination to get better. Showering is just a joy, let me tell you. Hot water, hot things, extremely cold things, they definitely hurt. Enough complaining.

Well, I'll end on another note. I'm reading a Joyce Meyer book, Never Give Up, that has really just...I don't even know. Done SOMETHING for me. But she says (repeatedly!) that there's no testimony without TEST. I know I've heard that before, it's something a lot of people say, but it's crazy how much I understand that now.

I love you all. Have a good day tomorrow.
-LL