all.for.love

I don't know what to say right now.
After prayer, I feel like I have so much to say! So I'll start with one thought, and gradually work my way around.
I always pray in the same corner since a month or two ago. I like it because I hit a wall, I turn around, I hit the drums, I turn around. I don't have to think about walking. And it's just wood and orange. Mics and drums. More wood and orange.
But have you ever had it when you get a thought that's practically being screamed in your head?
This time it was "Somebody will fall in love with YOU. You, Leah Pauline. Just YOU."
I just read Grace's blog. And she realized that she's herself. She's Grace. Her best friends are best friends to Grace. And I was like whoa. I get that. I GET THAT!
At prayer, it just broke me down. Seven words that tore me apart. It's like "Yeah Leah, duh! Somebody's gonna fall in love with you."
No no no, blog reader. ME. Leah with all the flaws. Leah the one that nobody truly understands. The randomness, the crazyness, the crying, the love of guys that speak french, the "musician", everything. Of Leah.
I pretty much lost it, thinking about some guy that I don't even know yet. Or I might know him.
So with this, I realized that I've just become okay with crying. Like while praying yesterday, I didn't even realize I was crying. Like it's some kinda normal thing now! But only in church. Otherwise I feel like a little emotional girl who doesn't deal with things very well. But when I pray, it's like I'm not doing my job if I don't cry. Which leads me to ANOTHER point.
I sing loud when I want to. I can sing fairly quiet, or I can sing loud, because I've gotten pretty good at it.
But yesterday, I was singing so....hard...that my stomach started to hurt. And I felt like it wasn't enough. God deserved so much more than I was giving him. It's like, you know when you're friend is just...hurting, and you want to do everything for them, but you can't. But you do what you can. And somehow you find that balance, giving what you can and they take it all.
Except with God, it's times about a bajillion. He takes it ALL, and can still have room for more! Which is crazy.  That's a whooollleee lot of worship. Which made me realize how much God wants me to understand. But I can't. He teaches, I slowly learn, and that process continues for the rest of my life.
Yet God has picked somebody out for me that will walk with me through this process. It'll be me, God, and my "One". It'll be great, I'm sure! Not just great, but awesome, amazing, any other MAJOR word that's really good.
So that's it. Homecoming is in two weeks, just thought i'd tell you. If I have any more drama, I'm shaving my head and putting ashes on it.
Not really =] just thought I'd get all biblical up in the blog.

Happy Talk Like A Pirate Day!!!
-LL