rid.me.of.myself.

Do you ever just wake up on a day and decide it's gonna be different? I thought that was today. I woke up and felt like something was...different.
Of course, I wake up without my glasses on. Because only somebody with mental issues sleeps with their glasses on. But today was extra blurry. I also felt like I was tan today! I know, I know, you're probably like "Whoa Leah you must've been VERY blind. Color blind included" but to that I say, "Thanks for your...errmm...honesty?"
And after this "different" day, nothing of great importance happened. But it's like I'm one day older.
NO WAY, RIGHT?
They say you learn something new every day. Like....
"I learned that letting an eight year old boil milk on the stove because she's 'done it a million times' is not always a good idea because you're the one who ends up having to scrub it off!"
That was yesterday's.
But there's a relationship I'm REALLY working at right now. The one with God, obviously!
And there's STILL the lyrics that resignate in my mind
Lead me to the cross
Where Your love poured out
Bring me to my knees
Lord I lay me down
Rid me of myself
I belong to You
I mean, I don't own this song, yet I've heard it at LEAST a dozen times. And this time was just...different. Especially saying "Bring me to my knees"
And I've been gaining this revelation little by little...
but to see how tall a mountain is, you have to stand at the bottom. If you start at the top, you can only go down. But to appreciate and know EXACTLY how tall that mountain is, you have to start in the valley. You have to climb it little by little.
Another part of this knowledge...is that we have to FALL to our knees. We don't just kinda do a little shuffle, or slowly let ourselves down, we FALL. We plunge. It's not a gentle process.
And yet, while I was realizing this during prayer, I started to laugh.
Because I realized how funny God is. AGAIN.
We're always saying "Cry out to God" and other things along those lines, right?
Well I figured out I'm a literal person. I cry. ALL. THE. TIME.
But I was just made that way. I'm beginning to appreciate what God made me as. I think as a new teenager, you realize that God put you with freckles and skinny ankles because that's exactly the way He wanted you.

With all I just said, I realized that nobody understands me. But there's a purpose to that. If somebody did understand me COMPLETELY, that's one less thing I'd rely on God for. I mean, He wants me to Himself. He's the relentless lover, after all! In service my parents weren't there. Which reminded me of Apex, and how Michelle prayed for me and said that nobody would understand how I changed but me. I gotta say I hate it when somebody reads my mail. At least, that's what my mom calls it. When God just TOTALLY shows you up and says "see, lovely? I listen. I also speak!"
So I guess I just have a lot going on in my mind right now.
And with God dominating, the little room I have left for Pre-calc equations and the amendments is being used by homecoming.
Oh.dear.goodness. You know when you're just SO close to something happening? I'm pretty much a text or two away from telling the guy I want to ask me that I want to go with him. So for this, I'm preparing with Jack Johnson.

Jack Johnson = a broken heart set to music

Which I'm hoping doesn't happen, but if it does, Danielle has to buy me sonic! Cherry limeade baby!
If he's like oh okay! Then I get no sonic, but I have a date. Woop de woop.

Okay. I love you all. I know I've been blogging a lot lately.
Get your comment boxes working so I can comment on your work!!!

-LL
*special bucket-list item: have a date to a dance. Has never happened.