Eyes be opened

So we had to write goals for internship a couple weeks ago.
Can I just say that writing goals is extremely difficult for me?
I used to be (and partially still am) a crazy over-planner. I would stay up in my bed just planning out the next day, how everything was gonna be. I was quite the optimist with all of this, too. We would arrive three minutes early, and leave two minutes late. This would give us 15 minutes to get from point A to point, and EVERYTHING WOULD BE HUNKY-DORY GOSH DARN IT!!!
But as I grew up, I also grew tired of being disappointed. People were late. People didn't show up. Things just didn't go according to plan!
I figured the solution was just not to hope. If I didn't expect anything, I couldn't be disappointed, right? If I planned for no presents on my birthday and just got one, I would be surprised and excited, right?
I still struggle with this. I don't walk outside everyday expecting for it to rain glitter and have dancing lollipops on the side of the street!
Like I said, I STILL struggle with this. Why be optimistic when I'll just get disappointed?
So with setting goals, I had to think about it. Nate was telling us that anything is possible.
"ANYTHING, Nate?"
"AAANNNYYYTTTHIIINGGGG!!!"
It's like some kinda game-show host that is a little out of the loop in the whole sanity circuit.
The biggest challenge was setting my eight year goal. Pretend you're reading the next line it's what I'm thinking. Read it really fast. Like you've had maybe 5 cups of coffee and are going back for more!
"Hmm. I'll be 24. Three years out of college. Well, I guess I'll be married, right? So I'll write that. Maybe I'll have a kid? Maybe not. What if my husband doesn't want any kids? WHY AM I MARRYING A GUY THAT DOESN'T WANT KIDS? Oh wait. What if I don't get married? Then why did I just set my last goal? Should I write that down anyway? I could just erase it. Wait. I'm writing in pen. Okay okay okay. I'll pray that God brings me a guy. Not just any non-kid-wanting guy, a guy that's perfect for me. That will like to name our first son Asher. Wait why am I thinking of baby names? I don't even have a lot of good guy friends...let alone a guy to marry in mind"
So I realized that I think WAYYY too much.
Another example. I woke up today to Captain America just joyfully swimming around. I wondered what it would be like to be a fish. Does he ever get bored of just swimming around and swallowing air bubbles for fun? Does he even know what boredom or fun is? Does he even know he's a fish? Does he know he exists? Does he think at all? Does God speak to this little fish? Does He let Captain America in on my thoughts or something? Is that why he's swimming? Because he knows I'm watching?
Just a peak into the random thoughts of yours truly. So what am I trying to say? Is that what you're asking? Well let me tell you!
I set a goal. "To have more influential guy friends" by January 22, 2010.
Random fact. Over 6 months ago I was talking to my friend, Sarah. Who happens to be the sister of my pregnant friend, but that's not the point! I was like "Goodness, I wish I just had a list ready-made of what I want in a guy!"
and she replied "Well, my therapist said that's good! Do THAT!"
I never did compile this list. I didn't know what to say. Like I was talkin to Paanii today about how I want my future husband to speak French because it's SO FRICKIN ROMANTIC!!!
But I realized, after reading When Dreams Come True (best. book. ever. Sonia knows!) that I don't need a list. I may be able to make a list of some of what I want, but not what I need. So I gave up on that idea a while back. Aside from the speaking French thing.
I think this desire is rooted in the song "Belle" by Jack Johnson. Because it's just so romantic! Even though I have no idea what any of it means! Aside from him saying "I don't speak french, so you'll have to speak to me some other way"
Anyway. I'm really trusting God to write my love story. I mean this guy is gonna be what I need. Completely and totally. And I'm not gonna go looking for him. He's going to be that poet-warrior, that apple tree among the forest (Song of Songs 2:3)! It's really gonna be a challenge, I know that! People trash-talk my decision juuusssttt about every day.
But it'll be so worth it. To me. Not to them. My "One" will love me for all that I am! If that means waiting till I'm 30 to find him, so be it. Until then I'll find peace and comfort in my true Prince, the lover of my soul, Jesus Christ!

I love you guys! See most of you tomorrow...

-Lovely L
23. Invent a word that becomes EXTREMELY popular.

p.s.- after my comment about Captain America, I later watched Finding Nemo. Case closed. Fish can talk.
"Sea monkey stole my money....yes, I'm a natural blue...."