Please mend this porcelain heart of mine

It always seems to me that I've been broken one too many times; when in reality, I've been broken and mended just enough. I love the fact that every thing that happens to me is just right! Like the perfect sand castle...not too wet, not too dry.
I love the picture on Sydney's blog. It's just...PERFECT. If there's a picture that could describe my ENTIRE life, that'd be it. Nuff said.
There's a song by Barlow Girl that I'm pretty sure the majority of you know..."Porcelain Heart"
It's a cry to God saying "God, how can you fix me? I'm so broken...but I'll let you do it. I'll give you my pieces and you'll do it. I may not know how, but you WILL"
Another song that's been getting me...."Surrender"

These two songs prominently display what I've been dealing with: surrender. Not just a few things, EVERYTHING. E V E R Y T H I N G.
It's a little hard to wrap my mind around the word EVERYTHING. Nothing excluded.
There were certain things I didn't wanna give to God...including the pieces of my broken heart.
It's kind of like when your mom says "don't go do such-and-such otherwise you'll tear your clothes"
Lo and behold, you tear your pants. It takes a whole lot to say "....uh, Mom, I know what you told me, but I did it anyway. I'm really sorry, but can you fix this?"
That's exactly what it's like with a broken heart. You have to admit to God AND yourself that you did something that wasn't exactly smart.
Yet ANOTHER song that fits in this category is "Beauty from Pain" by Superchick.
I recommend you listen to all of the songs as listed above. They were MY song at some point in my life, yet they still apply to me wherever I'm at.
And now I will give you a verse that I was gonna use in my last blog!

"...though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed."

-1 Peter 1:6-7

Through these heart-breaks, these tests of faith, we've been growing. The fertilizer has been put down, and the flowers are gonna grow! Fertilizer is not exactly pleasant. I know you may just LOOOOVVVEEEE cow poop, but I'm not exactly a fan of it.
We've been put through the fire, to rid ourselves of the impurities of our heart. It's not just like God's thinking "Oh yeah, well, I'm just putting her in the fire for no reason. Hum de dum..."
No no no, lovely! He's even been in there WITH US.

That's all for tonight. I'm in the mood for a good cry, but I will restrain myself.
Goodnight.

-LL