For once the title of my post applies to what I'm actually going to talk about. I'm gonna be vague--Aundi style. Dear goodness. Why can't we just stop? At one point, just hit the brakes and camp out? The snowball just keeps rolling down the hill... it just keeps going and going and going until it's out of control and completely unstoppable. As we've learned throughout our entire high school career, energy can't be created or destroyed. This snowball is going to crash into something, and I'm thinking it's not going to be very pretty.
Now I think we're taking this too far / Don't you know that it's not this hard? / Well it's not this hard / But if you take what's yours and I take mine / Must we go there? / Please not this time. No, not this time.
I'm tired of wrecking relationships. Okay, actually, I'm tired of relationships completely. You know, I love my friends. I really do. But how in the world are people so....COMPLICATED? I'm a black and white person. A lot of people would say that means I'm narrow minded, but I just think it's because I know what I want. I know what I like, I know what I don't like. I know what I believe. But then there are the people that are like "Oh, I'm gonna change my mind with the weather" And because I don't let the sun go down on my anger (for the most part...I mean I really strive to do this) I get walked on and taken advantage of. They just keep taking one step at a time, until they've reached that place where I snap. Yet where I am is completely the opposite. I have a tendency to form my best relationships VERY quickly. Like a quote from the notebook...not really pertaining to Leah's relationships, but to summer romances:
They're shooting stars, a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, fleeting glimpse of eternity, and in a flash they're gone.
It's like everything or nothing. Black and white. First thing you have it, next thing you know, it's completely gone. There's no gray matter. I've learned there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Take chocolate, for example. But it's like "Wow this is awesome!" until it just keeps getting awesomer and awesomer (yes I know it's not a word. Deal.) to the point where it breaks the awesome barrier, and the remnants of this explosion is pieces of crap and emotions. Just for once I want the awesome level to remain constant. I'm tired of picking up those remnants and putting them in the garbage bags to throw into the depths of my heart. I'm tired of internalizing this!
So I'll tell you a little story. During band yesterday, I was a little upset. I'm really not gonna tell you why, because it's dumb and it's dumb that I would put it in a blog. So after prayer, I was REALLY fighting tears. Even more so, because I didn't know why I was upset. Like you know when you get a snag on your sweater, and just from there you wash it and wear it repeatedly until it's gotten so bad that the sweater just falls apart.
But this sweater I was wearing, the happy face I was putting on, was slowly peeling away...and I wouldn't admit it.
And all it took was worship. TOTALLY lost it. ...Like I always do, I know. I try not to lose it. I REALLY do. Usually I can contain myself. But when I've been that worn down, to the point where I'm sitting before service by myself with tears in my eyes for no reason at all, I think it's justified.
And one of the things that made me cry was the person. This person has been growing like none other lately...and to think about where they were 9 months ago compared to now, it's just...amazing. It's amazing to see how much this person has just let go. Let go of the worldly things, of everything that used to matter to them. There's still a thread holding on, but their sweater is almost completely unraveled.
And back by popular request (ahem Sydney!) BULLETSSSS!
30. Sleep in a king sized bed by myself.
They're shooting stars, a spectacular moment of light in the heavens, fleeting glimpse of eternity, and in a flash they're gone.
It's like everything or nothing. Black and white. First thing you have it, next thing you know, it's completely gone. There's no gray matter. I've learned there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Take chocolate, for example. But it's like "Wow this is awesome!" until it just keeps getting awesomer and awesomer (yes I know it's not a word. Deal.) to the point where it breaks the awesome barrier, and the remnants of this explosion is pieces of crap and emotions. Just for once I want the awesome level to remain constant. I'm tired of picking up those remnants and putting them in the garbage bags to throw into the depths of my heart. I'm tired of internalizing this!
So I'll tell you a little story. During band yesterday, I was a little upset. I'm really not gonna tell you why, because it's dumb and it's dumb that I would put it in a blog. So after prayer, I was REALLY fighting tears. Even more so, because I didn't know why I was upset. Like you know when you get a snag on your sweater, and just from there you wash it and wear it repeatedly until it's gotten so bad that the sweater just falls apart.
But this sweater I was wearing, the happy face I was putting on, was slowly peeling away...and I wouldn't admit it.
And all it took was worship. TOTALLY lost it. ...Like I always do, I know. I try not to lose it. I REALLY do. Usually I can contain myself. But when I've been that worn down, to the point where I'm sitting before service by myself with tears in my eyes for no reason at all, I think it's justified.
And one of the things that made me cry was the person. This person has been growing like none other lately...and to think about where they were 9 months ago compared to now, it's just...amazing. It's amazing to see how much this person has just let go. Let go of the worldly things, of everything that used to matter to them. There's still a thread holding on, but their sweater is almost completely unraveled.
And back by popular request (ahem Sydney!) BULLETSSSS!
- My new history teacher reminds me of a turtle. And he was wearing black dress pants, a collared shirt, a blazer, and....birckenstock sandels. Needless to say I stared at his feet for most of the period.
- Stalker issues today. Dear goodness.
- I still haven't presented my object (spiderman belt) for theatre. I'm rather excited. I'm thinking a little too hard about the depth of this symbolism.
- My family has a family picture this evening. My mom is coordinating outfits like crazy. I don't just mean like crazy lightly...
- I re-found my mom's fleetwood mac cd. Stevie Nicks = musical genius. I don't mean genius lightly...
- I have $0. It's official.
- I really have to write a blog about my stalker issues today soon. I'll just tell you that it ended with a forced, awkward hug. Like the kinda chest-to-chest action that makes you glad you're not blessed with extra padding. But like he practically grabbed my arms and THRUST my chest into his. It was actually as creepy as it sounds, believe it or not.
- This made me believe that his pecs have disappeared. I was upholding the chest relationship.
- That last sentence was a little creepy, sorry.
- I have a verse that I'm writing a blog about next. Peter 1:6. Look it up and we shall chat!
30. Sleep in a king sized bed by myself.
YAY!!! And i love the way you put that post. beautiful.
ReplyDelete"I was upholding the chest relationship"..HEHEHE.. couldn't imagine a better way to say that
ReplyDelete