In the darkest place we will be Your light

And the anxiety dreams set in.
One week until school starts.
I seem to find myself worrying quite often.
The main thing I'm nervous about...Guitar. Guitar II, specifically. I have to reform my calluses...which I'm not excited to do. I was looking through my Guitar I instruction book and realized how much I've forgotten about guitar. Last night I was thinking (while being quite tired and not sleeping. Urrggg) about starting guitar up again. I really don't want to start. I don't wanna have ugly fingers again, to keep my nails short, to carry a pick in my pocket constantly, to learn tabs...the list goes on and on.
Yet I felt this peace like God was saying "Lovely, it's not gonna be like magically picking up a guitar and playing like Justin. You're gonna have to work at it. If you want My will, you'll pick it up and learn your scales and chords all over again." Anyway. Back to today looking through my book.
I remembered that I hadn't read my devotional or any Word today. So I read my devotional, which was pretty good, ya know, about Esther.
And then I felt like I should read Psalm 80. Which really meant I read 81, 82...so on to 90.
I got to 89 and was like "Dude."
It begins with "I will sing of the Lord's great love forever; with my mouth I make your faithfulness known through all generations"
If you know anything about me, it's my practical obsession with the love of God. It's like in this single Psalm, every issue I've been dealing with is dismissed...while still speaking of the love of God.
it's not like "Hey Leah, don't worry about school or playing guitar or guys or whatever. I love you" but within a single psalm, it's like God I love you, you give me strength, you're with me always, but where are you?"
Even in the last three verses...

"Remember, Lord, how your servant has been mocked,
how I bear in my heart the taunts of all the nations,
the taunts with which your enemies have mocked, O Lord,
with which they have mocked every step of your anointed one.
Praise be the Lord forever!
Amen and Amen."

All the kids in my guitar class last year were like "You? Guitar? You don't look like a guitar player"
but with what Sonia told me Saturday night, people won't think I'm capable of doing this. People will tell me I suck, that I should stick with something other than guitar...
but God chose this for a reason. Sometimes I wish he would've picked something I was already good at, but that didn't happen! I have to work at it. I have to persevere through the nights of bright red, sore fingers. The times when I won't know anybody in my guitar class, and I sit by myself trying to write a song.
Another analogy...braces. They suck, lemme tell ya...if you didn't already know. Before I had them, I wanted them SO bad. I wanted a pretty smile. But I didn't want the pain that came with them. The extra amount of teeth-brushing that had to be done, the inability to eat corn and chew now-and-laters...but thinking of the perfect teeth is what gets me through the days of yogurt and bananas.

So I guess what I'm saying is...I have to grow. I have to crawl before I walk, I have to fall and get back up again! It's gonna be a challenge. A BIG challenge.
But like Sonia said, bring it on. I may not be totally ready for this challenge, but bring it on.

And I realized that applies to my life as a whole. I'm not gonna get all the revelation without going through tests and trials. I'm gonna get hurt. But the end result is SO worth it. Some things are gonna take longer than others to learn. But because I've been called to do this, it WILL happen, and I rest in knowing that.

-Lovely Leah
#19 Pet a squirrel.