Through the desert...

My song-lyric-titles are getting shorter and shorter, have you noticed?
I was gonna put Through the desert, I'll stand in Your love forever but...well, I didn't!
So I have a verse that I was reading in my devotional. I was reading Job, which is usually a little depressing from me, but I saw this verse and it was like running into a brick wall! Like WHOA Leah were you just paying attention? Obviously you weren't because you were just smacked across the face by the word of God!!!
So, without further adieu, here ya go.

"Can papyrus grow tall where there is no marsh?
Can reeds thrive without water?
While still growing and uncut, they wither more quickly than grass."
-Job 8:11-12

Well, this may mean something different to you. But Sydney and I have been blog-talking (yep, invented a new word, I know!) about how after we cry our eyes out and "water our couches" we smile.
I felt like God was saying "no no no!". I got a little bit of what God was telling me, but I was missing something HUGE.
I'll give you a story! I was at the Ilg's yesterday...and long story short, Morgan got stung by a bee. Whilst she was crying, she was laughing and saying "I've never been stung by a bee before! Ow! Wow this really hurts!"
and I laughed. Yes, I laughed at Morgan's pain! No, not really. I laughed at how she was crying, laughing, being in pain, and being excited at the same time! She was smiling through the pain. She could've cried her eyes out and after the pain went away, been like "Wow! I've never been stung by a bee before!".
No! She practically celebrated through this painful event.
I think God used Morgan being stung by a bee (ironic, sorry Morgan!) to show me that we're not just supposed praise God after the event, after we've cried our eyes out and become in a better mood again. We praise him through the pain, through the tears, through it all!
So that's become my new challenge.
The main thing I wanted to say about this verse...papyrus HAS to be grown in marshes. Marshes aren't exactly the nicest place to grow, I'm pretty sure...
but we have to experience the crap and the heartbreak to grow up to be the people we were meant to be.
Back to being happy through the pain.
Another thing I have to say. If you know me, you know I consider myself a lover of music! Including a certain song by Superchick that is prettttyyy much everybody who's anybody's theme song. Beauty from Pain. That's what I'm talkin about!

After all this has passed,
I still will remain.
After I've cried my last,
there'll be beauty from pain.
Though it won't be today,
someday I'll hope again...

I hate to say this song is wrong, but I kinda am saying it...so you're gonna deal! This is kind of my go-to song, so telling it it's wrong is a liiitttllleee above me. Anyway. It's kinda one of those songs that I just turn on and chill to. Chill meaning sit in my closet. Which I don't do a whole lot anymore, because I'm tired of wallowing in crap. Why wallow when I can praise? Why wait for someday when I can hope TODAY?
I gotta say i'm unsatisfied (dissatisfied? for once I don't know what word is correct. DANG!)
I'm un/dissatisfied with waiting for something only I can change. God's willing to give it to me, I just gotta ask.
o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o.o
OOOOoooon a different note (hence the crazy o.o's) something's really been bothering me lately.
Like Aundi, I'm gonna be extremely vague. To the point where you assume all these crazy things about how I'm an axe murderer and Aundi's my next victim.
Or not.
Yeah we'll say not.
So somebody told me something...practically declared it into my life. Before this somebody told me this, I was like "no this thing is not ever gonna happen. It's just NOT. It wasn't meant to be. I don't feel passionate about it at all"
but after being told this, it's like BAM. Now I'm wondering who's right. I don't feel like God is speaking to me and saying "this thing that said person spoke into your life--yeah, they're right." but I'm not being disproved. Now I feel like this passion is growing, but I kinda don't want it to. I think it's because I TOLD myself that this thing would never happen, but I feel like I'm slipping. I guess I'm just gonna have to pray about it more.
This thing (do you like how i keep italicizing it? eh? eh? thing) pretty much determines a LOT of my future. Yet I'm only 16! This isn't something I should be concerned about...but I just DON'T KNOW! It's like everybody's trying to decide my future for me.
You may be sitting at your computer thinking, "No Leah! YOU decide your future!"
but oh contrare, my computer-addict friend! God decides my future. I just have a really hard time letting go. Because if this thing decides it wants to happen, I need to prepare myself.
The funny thing is, the person that says this probably has no idea on how much sleep I've lost over it.
I'm very tempted to say "Gosh darn it, God! Why did you make me so awfully complex? Why do I think so much?"
because.
Because I did, Lovely.
And I guess that's a good enough answer for me.
I just thought of "My Future Decided"
The lyric I need right now...

You hold the future in your hands
You know my dreams and you have a plan
And as you light my way, I'll follow you

and there it is. That's my comfort. There are a WHOOOLLLEEE lotta verses that I could use for this; however, my bible is upstairs. Dang.

Oh well. You just got two blog posts for the price of one! WHAT A BARGAIN, EH?
p.s. (pre-script. eh? eh?) my mom is sitting in the living room watching Terminator. If you know my mom, you can imagine how funny this is. What's hilarious is that she's eating cereal. It's almost 10:15, she's watching Terminator while eating cereal. Please laugh with me. Anyway.

Last day of summer tomorrow. Crap.


-LL
24. Go to a midnight movie premiere (I've never done it, sadly)