God of mercy / Humbled I bow down / in Your presence / at Your throne

"Our vertical expression must have a horizontal effect"

I know I usually just start with a random thought or the words "I don't know what to blog about."
But I read this quote (about leading worship) by Joel Houston yesterday (worship leader of Hillsong United, if you didn't know)...and it inspired me. And not just like "Yeah Joel Houston! Woo! Go Jesus!"
It's like...what I do isn't for nothing.
Like Saturday night I felt like total crap. There were about a bajillion different factors to this feeling of crappiness, but long story short, it was crap.
So practice was alright, ya know, minus the sharp voice that kinda made my stomach upset.
Which was an ANOTHER factor, by the way.
Anyway. During real worship, I started feeling okay. To the point where when I went to sit down after, I felt almost completely normal.
It was CRAZY. During worship(again), I had the rare occasion of crying.
sarcasm, guys. I know, I cry all the time. But this time was different.
My crying wasn't the ugly sobbing (yet =P) but the kind that's peaceful, with deep breaths and tears rolling down my cheeks.
I went up to Apex anticipating a word. Yet during worship, I felt like God was saying
"Lovely, if you don't remember anything, if you don't hear from me, remember this moment. Remember the peace you felt. The feeling that nothing else mattered."
And I was alright. I was better than alright!

So I guess what I'm saying is...worship ALWAYS has an effect on something.
It gives me peace. It makes me feel like I'm sitting in a little starbucks with God, just telling Him what He already knows...
yet He's excited that I'm getting it. That I'm beginning to understand His love for me, His awesomeness, His almighty power!
I'll give you a little story.
There was this giant issue my mom didn't know about for the longest time. So one day, I just broke down. I told her what was going on, because I couldn't keep it in anymore.
But she said "You know, I knew. I was just waiting for this to happen"
Part of me wanted to be like "MOM! You could've helped me! What the heck?"
yet I understood that what she did was what she had to do.
God couldn't have told me what he told me on Saturday LAST Apex. Because I wouldn't have known what to do with it. It would be completely out of the blue.
But after joining band and pursuing that relationship with God, I'm right where I'm supposed to be. He really had to tell me who I was before He could tell me who I'm going to be.
And even then, He hasn't given me all the answers. But I'm gonna find them, and not on my own, obviously.
So while I pursue Him, I'll encourage others to do the same.
And that's it.

-Lovely Leah
18. Take a picture with a meerkat.