She wears a smile that can make me wanna sing...

I know I said the last blog was the last blog before Apex. But I've decided that I'm putting the lyrics to a song that I LOVE. This is what I want for my One!

Or I guess this is what I wanna be to my One.

That deserves a "nuff said"

I've got an angel
She doesn't wear any wings
She wears a heart that can melt my own
She wears a smile that can make me wanna sing
She gives me presents
With her presence alone
She gives me everything I could wish for
She gives me kisses on the lips just for coming home

She could make angels
I've seen it with my own eyes
You gotta be careful when you've got good love
Cause the angels will just keep on multiplying

But you're so busy changing the world
Just one smile can change all of mine
We share the same soul
Oh oh oh oh oh ohhh
We Share the same soul
Oh oh oh oh oh ohhh
We Share the same soul
Oh oh oh oh oh ohhh

I'm kinda wondering why there's a pantene ad on my page.

-LL
14. Go camping. LEGIT camping. (Sherice said she'd take care of this one)
15. Get over my fear of spiders.

After I've cried my last, there'll be beauty from pain

I found the title I just picked to be ironic. Quite ironic.
Well, this little blog diddy is a continuation of the last one.
I still feel very stupid, even though two of the people that know both of us "approve" of him. Doesn't help my situation here!
I'm actually JUST starting to pack for Apex. Oops.
Well...after our little miniature band practice, I'm re-learning to sing from my diaphragm! That's right, I just spelled diaphragm right the first time! I feel like a genius! Anyway. We had to do this ridiculous thing in Theatre where we had to put books on our stomachs and lay on the ground. So I guess I've gotten pretty good about speaking from my diaphragm from six months ago...
I just feel smart spelling out diaphragm.
So I guess this is my last blog before Apex. I hope to come back a completely different person!
And Elijah comes home tomorrow...yet I'll already be gone. Doesn't that just SUCK? My spell-check doesn't like the word doesn't. I'm pretty sure it's a word, dumb computer.
That's like how my phone can't spell diaper or taco.
Don't ask me how I know.
Right now I'm looking at my guitar. And it's pretty much just staring me in the face saying "play me"
But I don't wanna, guitar =[
Sorry lovely. I think I actually named my guitar Rain-child. It was one of our silly days in guitar I.
Anyway. I'm unmotivated to pack. I seem to be one of those people that needs a LOT of motivation to do anything.
My nails keep getting stuck under the keys of my laptop. How is that happening?
I'm sorry this blog is so random. My thoughts are everywhere right now.
Like here my emotions: tired-thirsty-nervous-anxious-excited-energetic-contemplative...
I also have to pee. But I don't think "pee-filled" is an emotion.
how can I be tired and energetic at the same time? I don't know.
Well...hmmm. I can never make up my mind on what to bring to camps and stuff. I'm convinced my suitcase is entirely too big. But I don't wanna take a smaller one. I figure if I don't fill it up, I'll cram my special down pillow in there.
Of all the emotions I mentioned to you, nervous is the one I'm feeling most right now. See, I'm stupid when it comes to guys.
Such as thes-con. With Nick, I was so weird around him that I pretty much didn't eat for two days. I lost my little tummy-pooch, but what do ya know, it came right back. Not the point.
I get very weird with guys I'm interested in. Not usually to the point where I don't eat for two days (which only happened once) but to the point where I plan things to respond with to things he's going to say. That hasn't happened yet for this one, I think I just used to do that through middle school and freshman year.
But like I said in my last blog, I say something simple in response to a question from him, and think "STUPID LEAH STUPID! Why did you just say that? Are you stupid? Yes, yes you are!"
My mind is one busy place. And when it's shouting "STUPID LEAH!" at me, it's like a chorus of "stupid leah"s to a point where that's all I hear.
So I'm not butterfly-in-the-tummy nervous...but like heart palpatations nervous. I know that sounds weird. It definitely IS weird.
OH MY GOODNESS. I told Michelle this earlier, but I got electrocuted! Just a little bit though. I was trying to take my laptop charger out of the plug and my finger somehow got in the way of the electric current.
And it was CRAZY! Because that's how God's presence feels...
Being electrocuted like I was didn't hurt...it felt weird, but it's like...
it's like the warmth you have when you lie in your bed on a cold December morning, curled up in a ball...just waiting for your alarm to ring and call you from the comfort of your warm bed to the cold hardwood floor.
Just saying that makes me wanna go to sleep hahaha.
Anyway. The thought is very scary, like God's presence can be a little intimidating, but it feels good!
And I know I just made an analogy of God's presence like being electrocuted. It's just the feeling. That's it.
Anyway. I'm still doing that thing where somebody random texts me and I expect it to be him. I feel like such a stalker.

I think that's it for now. My thoughts are very jumbled right now.
Can I just say on a finishing note that I'm falling in love again with multiple Hillsong United songs?
Like right now it's "All For Love" and "For All You've Done"
okay just kidding those are regular Hillsong. Hillsong anything is what I mean to say!
NOW I'm done.

-LL
13. Cry through an entire movie. (I'm actually not sure if this is a good goal to have)
13 b. (Which I pretty much just realized by talking to Kyra) Jump into somebody's arms romantically (without them dropping me or making me feel too fat for them to catch)

But daily taking up my cross has brought its share of splinters

Well...it's been a very full day.
You wanna know what sucks? Being a teenager. Lemme tell ya.
Especially when it comes to drama, high school, and guys.
The problem of the moment: Guys with a side of drama. Served with a dipping sauce of a little crush. And maybe a soft-serve high school drama involving a pregnant friend.
Yeah I know. This SUCKS. I'm sorry if you don't like that word.
It bites.
It stinks.
Es no bueno.
I even put a little espanol in there, if that tickles your fancy!
But I think I forgot what it was like to have a crush. I mean I've been "single" for...mmm....almost 6 months now, believe it or not! And I feel like it's been years...because I've grown up SO quickly.
I just did a teenage girl girly-sigh. Ya know, the dreamy kind? WHAT AM I DOING?
Like...I know that I DO NOT wanna date. The next guy I date legit WILL be the man I marry. And i'm 85% sure that I do not wanna marry this guy.
Maybe more. But part of me wants to just say "screw it" ya know? And I TOTALLY know that's my flesh. That's the average teenage girl lovely. But I'm NOT that girl.
But I mean...sigh! I really forgot what it was like to have a tad bit of a crush.
I don't even want anything to come of it! But the kind where he comes in the room and you're like "I'm acting stupid. Do something non-stupid. DANG IT LEAH I SAID NON-STUPID! NON-STUPID!" I say something and think "Goodness Leah why don't you just jump into his arms? Do you realize how much ground you just lost in him not knowing by saying that?"
And you wanna know something really stupid? I just realized he's a senior. I have a crush on a guy that I know little-to-nothing about.
I'd really like to slap myself across the face right now. Please don't slap me, though. I don't appreciate pain.
But UURRGGG!!! I hope it goes away. By the way, I'm terrible at flirting. So terrible I don't do it at all. Which I've formed as a habit. I DON'T flirt. I don't read hints either.
So apparently i'm accidentally flirty. Even though I'm actually quite competitive, which can come across as being flirty. And of course I don't read the hints they're dropping back from my accidental flirting, so it's like a giant car-crash of emotions.

This bites like the dickens. Wow.

That's a little comic to tickle your fancy. Usually Cyanide and Happiness is a little...inappropriate, but I thought this one was just SO funny.

Wanna know something lame? I'm texting Laken. That's not what's lame...that's rather awesome. I love that chica. But every time my phone vibrates, I half-expect it to be him.
...Yet he doesn't even have my phone number? I find myself to be a tad bit paranoid.
Dang.
I need a life.
Please save me from my teenage emotions!
So I forgot to say something about the pregnant friend. All's going well for her, apparently. She's still cute as a button...Her little bun-in-the-oven is 2 pounds now (crazy!) and she got over the whole morning sickness.
I was actually talking to my friend Carly (a chick that I haven't seen in forever that needs to hang out with me more!) about how you wake up and wrap your head around one of your best friends being pregnant. And I know this happens a lot to other people, it's not public high school until somebody gets expelled, somebody goes to rehab, and somebody gets pregnant.
I have 2/3 so far, and I'm only halfway through HS!
So anyway. Back to the pregnancy. It'd be different if I just knew her from somewhere...like "Oh that chick from Algebra/Biology/homeroom? She's pregnant." But she was the first friend I ever made in high school...I sat next to her in Algebra. We were pretty much the two smart ones in a class full of dumb people. But one of the first things I noticed about her was her purity ring.
I myself STILL don't have a purity ring, I guess because my parents aren't motivated to buy one...anyway. I guess that purity ring didn't mean anything to her. Now instead of that pink and white innocent looking ring, there's a rock in its place. An engagement ring.
I think it's wonderful that her and her boyfriend are looking long-term after producing a little bundle of joy...but I REALLY hope it works. I mean, I hope the marriage works out. But I don't know.
It was just...weird seeing her last night. She's not MASSIVELY pregnant, but you look at her and think "There's no doubt she's pregnant". And yet, her purity ring. I always wonder what she did with it. Like I don't have one and I've stayed pure, and she does but she didn't.
That's all for now.
Okay. Psyched for Apex. Adios for now, all.

-LL
12. Read two books in one day.

When I am lost, You have not lost me...

Ah goodness. I don't really know what to write right now...since nobody gets on blogger anymore. But I think I blog for myself. And everybody who wants to read does...but if nobody read anymore, I'd still keep doing it. It's a release. I've learned SO much.
So here we are. I wrote a few paragraphs and deleted them...but I'm just diving right in.
Something I was told a few months ago: "I've gotten hard-core Christian chicks before"
What are we telling people? "If you push me hard enough, I'll put out. But only if you try REALLY hard and make me feel special and loved. I'll find God again on Sunday and He'll be cool with it."
What's that? Really, guys? I don't know about you, but I don't wanna be put under a "Christian Chick" standard. I want to BE that standard. I want my own standard even!
What ever happened to Feminine Mystique? I know Authentic Beauty touched on this...
A lotta guys will give up on you, because you're a challenge. They'll pursue for a while, but in the end, they want something easy. Something that they don't have to work for, and when they're finished, they can leave used and broken.
This guy I know has a certain HUUUGGGEEEEE interest in another girl I know. She's leading him on while behind his back she's saying that she's "saving all her love for her future husband."
Yet she didn't tell him this. It's like when all else fails, play the big G card (God). A lot of people are afraid of "religion" and will run the complete opposite direction. A guy (that thought I was all that and a bag of chips) saw that I was completely and totally surrendered to God...and doesn't talk to me anymore.
And I felt bad. Because he got to know me outside of "religion". No no no. I want to be a walking billboard for Jesus. I want somebody to meet me and recognize my uncontainable joy, my kindness, my honesty...they shouldn't have to learn that.
I was looking through a few pictures of me from last year...dang.
I remember this one time in English...sitting next to the ever-present Tommy. It was homecoming week. It was sports day. I was wearing this cute little white and pink broncos jersey with my white skirt...and because I was decked out in white and light pink, I looked pretty dang tan. Not to mention I had 75% of my leg showing, but whatever. And he gave me this look that pretty much gives me the shivers just thinking about it. But at the time, I didn't know what I was doing. I was all bark and no bite. I was pretty much just asking for attention...and not the good kind. Yeah, I was a little pre-skank. But that look is what pretty much keeps me from putting anything strappy, low cut, or short every morning.
It's like I think "Would Tommy stare at me if I was wearing this?"
and he stares at me anyway, but "...am I giving him a reason to stare?"
and if there's any chance that the answer is yes, I change. Immediately. IMMEDIATELY.
You don't understand how quickly I change. They didn't call me "Lightning changer" in self defense for nothing.
I have another story. A couple weeks ago, I was trying on dresses to go out with a few of my friends for dinner. So I try on this homecoming dress.
And I say "Does it look okay? I feel like such a skank. Dear goodness"
So my friend Lisa replies "Dude. You look sexy."
And I scream "I DON'T WANNA BE SEXY!!!!!!! AHHH NO!"
They all stop and look at me, while Lisa says "...why not?"
I stop and look at her the same way. Like in kindergarten, when you realize that not everybody knows that Mr. Tooth Fairy isn't a reality. It's like "What? How do you not understand this concept?"
I'm 16. There should be nothing sexy about me.
I'm actually arguing with a guy right now about purity...
after him saying "so how are YOU doing you beautiful piece of ass with a great personality?"
Totally just quoted that. I HATE that kind of language, by the way. I hate even reading it.
But he just...doesn't understand. I'm not a piece of meat. I'm not a body. I'm a creation of God.
I told him it's like while standing with my dad, who's holding the five year old me in his arms, giggling and full of innocence...
and telling him how much he could do to my body. Not good stuff, I mean.
Like did you REALLY just say that in front of my dad?
My dad would probably beat him to a pulp. Just sayin.
I know the mormons all have the "modest is hottest" thing, and I think they're right about that.
But seriously! I dress pretty modestly, I'd say. You don't see me wearing strappy tank-tops and booty shorts. And I STILL get harassed. How does that work?
Somehow I attract creepers and 12 year olds. The kinds that will pretty much go for anything, anything older than 12 and female. So that's what I rest on when some guy asks for my number or some 12 year old Christmas caroler says I'm hott.
I can say "Hit puberty and come back in a few years" and/or "you're a creeper, I don't have to talk to you"
Again with my friends that were going out to dinner. They look for guys, assess their age, their "hottness", and their attainability. When walking around Parker, none of them fit the bill.
But it's like "Girls, why are you wasting your time?"
I guess they just need to learn it on their own. And I hope and pray that it won't be too late when they finally do get it through their skulls.

-LL

11. Convince somebody I'm half of another ethnicity (Asian, Jamaican, etc.)

I'm giving everything to You, not holding back.

I'm continuing a blog post that I started a month and a half ago. I'm not quite done with this revelation and thought, so I'll elaborate. I'll put what I already wrote in green.
Well, I've been 16 for a month now. Crazy, right? Like Amelia, I'm stuck at 14. People think I look like I'm 14, I act like I'm 14, and when people ask me how old I am, I'm tempted to say "I'm 14" But once you get to know me, I don't think I think like a 14 year old. I have the wisdom of a 16 year old...I think. Right? Perhaps. But I was reading one of Amelia's old blog posts (because I'm not reading 1984 like I should be...oops), and I realized that this was something I dealt with probably...3 days ago. So this is what she said...about waking up on her fifth birthday:

I woke up on my birthday, and I got out of bed, and it suddenly occurred to me that I was me. That I was trapped in this body, that it was my thoughts in my head and that that was never going to change. Does that even make sense? It did to the five year old Amelia. But what I want to know is what the heck kind of a five year old makes that kind of revelation? Me apparently. It seems unbelievable that I would remember that, but I promise you I can. It is one of my most vivid memories--I even remember my haircut and which direction I was facing. Strange how memories work...but that's beside the point. The point is that from that moment on, I've thought of myself as not myself but thoughts inside a person who I was...

And I realized that thinking this is COMPLETELY untrue. I'm not trapped inside a body that (at the time) I really didn't wanna be in. I hoped I would wake up one day as somebody else, somebody with less problems, a prettier smile, and more friends. Amelia realized this when she was 5. That she was TRAPPED. Not just in, but trapped. She was 5. I was newly 16. Like I always do, I had a pity party then got revelation from God. Funny how this happens EVERY SINGLE TIME. I was telling God he made me wrong. That he put the wrong soul in the wrong body.
With Psalm 139:14 (which I cite all the time, I know), I'm going completely against myself. Look it up if you don't know it.
There's this teacher named Mr. Kissingford. Yeah, laugh at his name. Please. I did too. Well, I had him for public speaking freshman year...and he was my English II H sub for like three days.
So we were talking about poverty because we were reading The Grapes of Wrath (which reminds me of Veggie Tales, Grapes of Math, anyone?)...
he was talking about the shanty-towns and whatnot. And he said something that really "rubbed me the wrong way"...
he said "These people in poverty were born there by the accident of birth and will remain there. By some odd chance, we weren't born in Uganda." He continued to explain that by some random chance, some coin-flip of the cosmos, we were born where we are.
So I sat there for a few minutes, with my mind wandering from the lesson (who could blame me?) thinking about how wrong that statement was. I was born with a purpose.
The girls at starbucks yesterday were telling me the entire plot of My Sister's Keeper (thanks guys, really worth reading now) and how the one girl was BORN to save her sister. I don't really understand it completely, but we're all born to do something.
I really wish I knew what that something is!
You could be sitting here thinking "Yeah, I know what you mean! Me too"
or even "Leah. You know what you're born to do. Do it."
perhaps "What? No we're not"
Right now I'm very confused about my future. Not as confused as I used to be, but confused nonetheless! I know that I've gotten that word from God...and sometimes I wish I could just pick up the phone and dial up God...just to say "Hey God, am I doing this right?"
and He could just be like "Yeah, but I kinda gotta go. Later lovely!"
When I've realized...I'm on the phone with God ALL the time. He's never hung up on me, and He never will! But sometimes people talk to me while I'm on the phone. It's difficult to discern what's coming from what source, but after getting used to it, I get better at it.
It's nice to know that God will never hang up on me, ya know?
But still...I get into those pity parties with God. I wake up and look in the mirror, with my tangled bush of blonde hair, oddly-colored blue-yellow eyes, and smile that hasn't come close to winning any awards...and recently I've decided I'm like God's painting.
I'm an original. He knew exactly what he was doing when He went out and bought the paints, the canvas, the brushes...He had an idea of what to create. Not just an idea, He had the image of me in His mind. And He thought "Perfect. Lovely. Wonderful."
But I'm still being painted. Although I don't know how I'll turn out, He knows EXACTLY. To the last brushstroke, to the tiniest little speckle of paint, he KNOWS.
I find myself to be quite anxious. I plan and plan, I worry. I worry a lot. I think everybody has their place that ESPECIALLY needs work with God. Mine is worry. Like, I know God has my back. I'm in his hands.
But in my conscience, I figure if the whole God catching me thing doesn't work out, I have my own plans to go off of.
I can write down a BAJILLION scriptures for this one.

So I guess as a conclusion, I've REALLY realized that God made me for a reason, with a purpose. I learn things and then I REALIZE them. I get the revelation from a message. I somewhat comprehend...like the love of God, which is another issue in of itself...which I talk about too much!
So. It is no accident I'm me. It's no accident that Amelia is Amelia. Everything happens for a reason. There's a purpose for every fleck of paint splattered in the wrong place...
for every helpless infant born to a 16-year-old girl. For every heart break, for every mistake, for death, for life. It has purpose.
I've come to realize I'm purposed. And although I don't know what this purpose is, I WILL strive to accomplish it. I want to find all that God has for me. It won't be easy at times, which I've already experienced, but it will be completely worth it.

-LL
9. TP somebody's house.
10. Buy Nick an inflatable whale (9&10 go together, according to him...[?])
not so sure how an inflatable whale will help TPing.

I know I'm not the same, my life has changed, I wanna be with You, I wanna be with You

Like the essay-writing failure that I am, I will start this blog with a rhetorical question (thanks to my dearest Kyra, who writes like a pro):
Have you ever felt alive? Or even had a turning point in your life that you think, "Wow. What have I been missing?"
I can say that this has happened to me multiple times. Or actually, almost every day.
It's actually been a very...good day. Compared to yesterday, anyway.
I know a half bajillion Jessicas, and I have a label/nickname for everyone of them.
Jesseca the spig.
Jessica singer.
Jessica English.
Just to name a few. But I also have Jessica the flake.
I saw her for the first time in a year TODAY. It's been a year (give or take a few weeks), and the reunion was a tad on the hilarious time, considering I was tackled into the bar at Panda Express with orange chicken in tow.
What's weird is that she looked at me like I was a different person! She gave me a GIANT squeeze and said "Ah! Leah! You're just so...PRETTY!"
I understand that I've grown physically, ya know, whatever. But I've realized from the five minutes I spent with her that she hasn't grown at all.
I don't mean physically (because she's like 5'1, crazy short) and I could care less if she changed her hair, she's ABSOLUTELY beautiful the way she is, but that's not the point.
She hasn't grown spiritually, emotionally, & mentally. She's learned how to plot quadratics and whatever, but she's not learning.
I love her to death. You have to understand. But I'm growing in the wisdom of God. Kyra touched on feeling alive in her latest blog post. Yet you can only go so far in that feeling without Jesus Christ. I know that Kyra really doesn't have a certain religion, which she says makes for interesting conversation...but I find her to be an extremely witty, thoughtful, smart chica.
Like I said earlier, I've have multiple occasions that I've felt more alive. In that, a part of me has died.
Weird, right? Nope. The more that I die to myself, to my fleshly desires and foot in this world, the more access I give to God, to his holy thoughts, to his dreams for me, putting my foot in heaven.
So with that (which I say a lot. 'with that' i mean.), I've had "Now That You're Near" stuck in my head constantly for the past...while. This song reminds me of the joy that God's put in my life. The joy that NEVER leaves.
I'll give you a little bit of a story right now. Somewhat random.
I like dissecting verses in the bible to get their REAL meaning. Not just the "oh that's nice, glory to God" meaning. But the HALLELUJAH meaning. All praise to Him meaning!
So with that (there it is again, dang it!), I give you a very well known scripture that to which many say "glory to God, when's brunch?"

"...Weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning."
-Psalm 30:5

That's the scripture I think about when I'm upset. God lets me wallow in my misery for a little while, then he says "Hey. Woman of God. Get a hold of yourself."
He lets me think about it in a fleshly, earthly way, then makes me think about it from His perspective. This scripture doesn't say rejoicing might come in the morning. You know, if God's feeling like it, he'll give you a little bit of joy to make up for you crying yourself to sleep the night before...If God's in the mood that day.
NO. It comes. Every time. No matter what. Rain or shine, tsunami or tornado, I WILL rejoice.
I love that.
Back to what I was saying. Listen to it.

Anyway. This song...like my dream, is pretty much saying "Take me, God!" And in the last year, I've grown to being able to say that. Wanting nothing more than to worship Him forever and ever.
That's where I find my life...by losing it. I find COMPLETE happiness in the life I have in Jesus Christ, and my life is totally in Him. It's more of a challenge on some days than others, but I do it regardless.
Well, my thoughts are now scattered...but I will write later! I always do.

-LL
8. Go an entire day with my shoes on the wrong feet.
I skipped #6 Go to California and #7 get a crazy tan.

If I have to crawl, will You crawl too?

Nothing like a fabricated issue to make you feel good about the simplicity of your life!
Dear goodness I hate being upset! Well, if you'd like to give a HUGE sigh for me, go ahead. That's how I feel right now.
I really don't know what to write about in this blog.
Oh! I have something! I've been praying over my dreams before I go to sleep. That my dreams, if I had any, would be completely constructed by God, and that the powers of darkness would have no reign in my thoughts.
Aside from the creepy frog in my last dream, that's been happening. I haven't been having any dreams like the one where I die, though...which oddly enough, I liked. But you can go read my other post about the peace He gave me.
Anyway.
Instead of recommending a book, I'm recommending a web cartoon. If you haven't seen it, be prepared to laugh your pants off. This is very random, I know.
Give homestar runner a visit =] I know Aundi knows about the hilarity of this website, but mainly...
give Teen Girl Squad a visit! I actually have a TGS shirt that I don't wear too often...but I'll probably wear it tomorrow. Perhaps.
-"isn't that like going to prom with your dad?"
-"we've all been there, right girls? ...........eehhh?"
"Liggghhhtt purple cummbbeerrrrbuunnndddd"
and after your pants are gone from laughing, watch StrongBad Emails!
The Cheat has always been my favorite. Just a random note.
And if you didn't know already, the picture RIGHT THERE is Eh! Steve. Watch the episode, por favor. You will understand.
This is why I give out pizza trophies. Sweet Cuppin' Cakes.
And another great episode that Elijah and I learned every word to during the summer before high school.
"BLAAAAA I'm Crack Stuntman!" "HOLLA FOR A DOLLAAAHHH!"
You have to watch it otherwise everything I'm saying isn't funny whatsoever.

I will recommend more things in the future! Goodnight moon.

So kids, don't play with 2 many knives...

-LL

off of my list...#5: Make somebody cry with something I made for them. Good crying. Not bad crying.

Pardon me, your epidermis is showing, sir...

I remember Elijah explaining that lyric to me and how it was funny.
"Wait Lija, why would it be funny that you can see his skin?"
Let me say a little tidbit of Lovely's thoughts as of right now.
At the age of 16, I'm becoming more of a child.
Weird, right?
Wanna know what I did today? Course you do!
First....I had a dream about this weird frog thing...along with a dream about Justin running after my car to give me bread I forgot in some oven. But whatever. That's irrelevant. I had a dream about a FROG. And I was stupefied at how awesome it looked!
For lunch, I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I used to hate peanut butter and jelly because I had to eat it EVERY SINGLE DAY, but I'm getting back into them. Mainly because they're the only kinda sandwich that isn't a dicken to get out of my braces. But they're just so...classic. And I just sat there alone and ate my sandwich.
I went to walmart with my mom. We ended up in the little girly aisle, and I was looking at barbies. If I had all the money in the world, I would've bought one. Because they have these retro barbies from 1967, 1971, 1977, and 1981, I think. Like they're LEGIT. So legit that they're $40. But the 80s one was extremely tempting.
So I left walmart barbie-less. My mom is really miffed about the blank, burned, and random CDs allover her office desk, so I had to organize them. Whilst I was doing this, my old Darby My Dalmation CD-ROM appeared.
I used to play this game with Lija when I was 5 or 6...It's about Darby, a dalmation. And you play games...that's pretty much it. Color or something. Play this xylophone and make a baby laugh. One time Elijah did something REALLY funny on Darby (I don't remember what) and I spit out my water ALL OVER my computer screen. I have a tendancy to laugh when I drink, so I'm careful now.
Not to mention to this day we're still not allowed to have liquids within 3 feet of the computer. ...ten years later, I know.
After finding this lost childhood relic, I found the album Jesus Freak. Whenever I hear anything dcTalk, I think of my Aunt Jenn. Lija and I used to sleepover at her house and listen to "Jesus Freak" and "Colored People" with the volume up and the windows down on the way there.
She was kind of our "cool aunt" that let us eat cheetos and drink orange soda...
which both ended up in the carpet of her apartment one time, due to my little eight-year-old stomach's dislike to massive amounts of crap.
Yeah I heard it was still there when she moved out. Oops.
She was pretty much my Jesus Freak model. She TRULY was a Jesus Freak.
My Aunt would give us the WWJD bracelets, and even the cool ALIEN ones! You know, the Romans 12:2, Jeremiah 30:17 kinda Christian. An alien. The outcast. I wish I still had those bracelets!
So that's how my day reminded me of childhood. All I need to do is watch Saturday morning cartoons and play The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog with my brother and it'd be complete.
Maybe put on my pink powerrangers outfit..
which makes me bummed, because I don't know what happened to that costume. It was frickin SWEET. Lija had a matching red one. Anyway.
And even spiritually I'm returning to my childhood. To the child-like wonder, the relentless pursuit of God's answers, the minor disappointments and the major rewards, realizing that JESUS LOVES YOU! Being unashamed to let the world know that I HAVE JESUS IN MY HEART!--truly being a Jesus Freak, not just through WWJD bracelets and dcTalk cds in my stereo...but through my words and actions.
I mean...seriously. I want to show the love of God. To let him love through me...
and a while ago (couple weeks, maybe) I was reading Jeremiah. And to me, Jeremiah is God saying "Guys. You haven't been following me. The fall of Judah will be a result of your actions"asdfGod punished people in the Bible quite often...but recently I've realized he did EVERYTHING because he loved them SO MUCH!
For example: My sister gets her phone "shut off" when my parents don't agree with her actions. We used to get spankings as kids for lying.
My parents did this because they loved us. To let us know that such behavior was unacceptable. They loved us enough to grin and bear it through the difficult times when we misbehaved. But they did it so that we would grow up to be upstanding Christians, knowing that lying is not cool, being disrespectful will get you nowhere, and TRULY forgiving is the only way to go. That's how much my parents love me.
So like my parents, God punished his people because He loved them. There are numerous stories you could question the love of God with! But every time, you'll realize that He does everything about love.
When God was describing Himself to Moses, he first described himself as compassionate. That takes some MAJOR love. Only the love of God.
How do all of my blogs end up talking about love?
Oh well.

More from the Lovely later.
WAIT WAIT. In third grade, right before math, we'd always do madlibs. You know, adjective, multiple noun, verb, blah blah?
My favorite adjective was "lovely". That or "awesome"....but that's not the point. Nine out of ten times I'd raise my hand for adjectives and yell "LOVELY!" It's funny seeing God's hand throughout my life, ya know? I love it!

NOW more from me later.

-LL

almost forgot.
Lovely's list:
#3 Name something Edgar. (It's an infatuation)

So is my lover among the young men...

Ah. As in my last blog (which could be hidden from sight from Aundi, or after saying this she'll realize it's there)...I'm talking to my oldest cousin.
Which brings me to a very touchy (which is ironically punny), often discussed, but misunderstood subject:

innocence.

I woke up with a song stuck in my head this morning. Wanna know what it is? "Innocence" by Avril Lavigne. I haven't listened to this song since 8th grade.
Yeah, I had a little Avril Lavigne stage. Who hasn't?
Anyway. It was just SUPER random.
And after dealing with my cousin's ex-gf/brother issue...it's a killer.
Not just physical innocence...or knowing the terms of slang for things that I really wish I didn't know....
but emotional innocence. I guess with innocence I'm talking about purity.
Long story short, my 13 year old girl cousin has a softball tourney in Il., and Josh has the decision to go or not. He didn't think about leaving his younger brother alone in their house with the ex-gf coming and going as the brother pleases.
As I told him..."It's not like they're gonna sit in your empty house playing super smash bro's."
And as both Josh and I know, Charlie (or Drama, as we call him...it fits, okay?) is not exaaacctttllyyy shy. I mean as Josh said, "yeah we werent at the concert for 30 seconds before she was sitting in his lap"
You understand. But...the corruption of the mind ruins everything, you know? It breaks trust. It alters thoughts.
I mean, it's stupid that a GIRL is getting between these two brothers. And that one is HEARTLESS enough to date his older brother's ex-girlfriend, that he's still crazy about. I hate thinking about people related to me in that kinda way.
but anyway...back to innocence. Because of Charlie's corrupted innocence, his own BROTHER can't trust him with a girl.
And I wish I could tell Charlie that he's making a mistake. But as a puberty-stricken 17 year old boy that can't keep it in his pants, chances are slim to none that he'll listen to me.
I've never seen Josh so...distraught. I mean, guys are supposed to be not as emotional, right?
But he's been hurt...emotionally, I mean. And it really makes me wanna cry, actually.
Because everyone in middle school used to use the quote
"There's nothing worse than seeing the one you love love someone else"
when we didn't know what the heck love even is. But it's different now. Josh may not be in love with this girl, but he loves his brother...and hopes his brother loves him enough to save him the heartache. But he's not sparing Josh at all.

And I'm expanding this blog.
My little sister, whom we all know and love...has some little pre-skanks as friends.
Ya know, the kind that take pictures in the mirror with their swimsuits on saying "pc4pc?"
meaning they want affirmation. They're approval addicts, and they'll stop at nothing...including the point where innocence is lost. If some "young man" propositioned them into doing something that they KNEW wasn't right, they would probably do it, because they don't have the ability to say no.
First it starts at the raunchy texts. The "what would you do if I...[fill in the blank]"
and they're all bark and no bite. Until they realize that nobody will take them seriously for just barking their heads off. So they start out pretty small. SAYING they've "been so far", or texting guys like they mean business...
and with what Chad Eastham said either last year or the year before at revolve...
"When there's no risk, things get risque"
So the little things turn into big things, making them able to brag about being on top of the world, being everywhere-and-in-between with a guy...

but in the end they wonder why they feel empty.
why when they were supposed to be on top of the world, they feel the lowest of lows.

Luckily I really never hit that point! And glory to God, I didn't come too close, either.
There's a point where that innocence is lost. It's mutilated into the world's standard of happiness, success, and mostly love.
I know when I raise a little family (God willing, I guess) that I will try my hardest to keep that innocence. Not to the point of believing in Santa Claus, The Tooth Fairy, or even the Easter Bunny...but that my little children know that they can do all things through Christ who strengthens them...
and when the time comes, that the world is a very...I don't know, REAL place. Bad things happen.
But they are called to be set apart, to lead their peers in all they do, to be a light in a dark place.
A lily in a sea of thorns, an apple tree among the average trees of the forest.
I pray that they will remain pure for as long as possible. Not just physically, but emotionally...mentally. And they will NOT be wearing bikinis at the tender age of 13.

-LL

off of L's bucket list:
#2 Go on a road-trip with somebody outside of my family. PLEASE.

I will live a child in awe of You

Well I didn't write a blog last night...sorry guys =P
There are wayyyy too many reasons to explain why I didn't...even though half of my followers don't frequent blogspot too much...and the two people that got me hooked haven't posted in SIX WEEKS! SIX! WEEKS!
Anyway. If you have eyes, you noticed that there was a massive storm last night!
And I knew WAY too many people caught in this storm somewhere, trying to get home. Yet I was just sitting in my room in front of the window, watching it pour.
See, my sister has this whole irrational fear of storms. Tornadoes, thunder storms, hurricane (even though we live in Colorado?)...you name it.
These are the questions I heard multiple times last night:
"Mom, mom what part of Denver are we?"
"Mom, mom, mom is the storm coming towards us?"
"Mom MOM are we under that red cloud on the weather channel?"
"Is our house gonna be struck by lightning, Mom?"
"LEAH LEAH WHY DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT PART OF DOUGLAS COUNTY WE ARE?"
Well gee Hannah sorry!
She may sound like she's 4, and she definitely acts like she's 4 during a storm, but she's 13.
I happen to LOVE storms. There's nothing like a good storm to remind you how powerful and awesome the God of the universe is!
And during storms it's just a...habit(?) to pray in tongues. Because I really don't know what to pray. Part of me is afraid, hoping that nothing will go wrong, nobody will lose power, none of the people I know caught out in the storm are...umm...not...doing well?
And the other part of me just stands and watches in awe. God is just so AWESOME! There's nothing so terrifying yet so beautiful at the same time.
And every time we get a storm like that, I fall asleep. I fall asleep to the sound of rain anyway, but there's just something about the sound of REAL rain that puts me to sleep faster than ever.
We wake up the next morning and it's like nothing happened. Like a dream that you have trouble remembering because it was so...out there.

So I'll probably write another blog tonight, maybe a short one. Wahoo!
Okay. And I have to put a picture on here that's the FUNNIEST thing I've ever seen!
Below is Matt D (gay Matt, who's apparently straight?) and Joe Jonas. Please realize the similarities immediately.
so I actually did this through photoshop. And I was trying to make Matt D look a tad tanner, because he just looks SO WHITE! But the eyebrows are completely real.
I've actually heard that Aundi has a thing for Joe Jonas-eyebrows. Oh ho ho Aundi, do you have an interest in gay guys that are actually straight, too?

-LL

All for love, the sacred pray "Abba Father, have your way"

Hmmm...I always start a blog having NO IDEA what to write. Yet somehow, it always works out.
I think I'll write out a letter that was given to me for my birthday. Read and I shall explain!
Leah--Loved of GOD
This year I believe you will learn much.
1- How much GOD truly loves you...
2-How He can be your best, closest friend.
3-How to hear His voice...
-will you do what He asks you to do?
4-You will understand more clearly why people are the way they are.
5- You will realize more specifically the things you are really good at... and how our LORD wants to use those talents.
6-You will find satisfaction and perfect peace as you unite with Jesus...more than ever before!

Will you take the time to sit at His feet, read, and learn?

Do you realize how much I want to say YES! to that final question?
I got this letter a month ago...and I was like, oh, that's nice. Thanks Mr. R...(who's actually tall/blonde Jared's dad.)
But I was digging around my nightstand for the lyrics to Justin's song, and found this letter.
In the past month even, I've been growing towards saying yes to that final question. I still want to be even MORE confident in that yes.
Not a "yeah, I guess"...but a "YES, Lord, I will take the time to get to know You, to love You, to praise You!"
I will address these 6 points individually. Buckle up because this could be a long blog!
and like I always say, I LOVE you if you read my blogs. It's like knowing I'm crazy, but wanting to know how I tick. I love it.
So.
Let me first address the title. I believe that God likes to call me Lovely. Because that's truly how He thinks of me. As his lovely. And I think it's just between me and you (the blog) that I'm called that. That's why I sign LL...for Lovely Leah. Because I LOVE being called that. Like your Dad calling you "sweetie" or "hon" is just...comforting.
Okay. To points.
1- How much GOD truly loves you...
----If you've been reading my blog or know me AT ALL, you'll know that I try to understand (to the best of my fleshly ability) how much God TRULY loves me. And I want you (the reader) and EVERYONE ELSE to know that as well!
2-How He can be your best, closest friend.
----I don't know if I deleted the blog I wrote about this...but truly being in the wilderness with my closest friend--Jesus. Even through the flames, he's right there holding my hand. He's a shoulder to cry on when the whole world as turned its back on me. He knows me better than I know myself!
3-How to hear His voice...
----Dear goodness. I work at this EVERY DAY. Hearing is voice is one thing...LISTENING and discerning his requests from my own thoughts is the real punch. But I want to hear him!
-will you do what He asks you to do?
-I wanna say yes to this little dash as well. Not just a "yeah" but a "YES!"
4-You will understand more clearly why people are the way they are.
----I'm understanding more and more. With every broken heart and crappy argument, I'm understanding.
5- You will realize more specifically the things you are really good at... and how our LORD wants to use those talents.
----Goodness me, how I've learned. I think I wrote about it a few blogs back (actually QUITE a few blogs back) about how I was asking "God, you've told me what I was and what I am, tell me what I will be. PLEASE." And he has. He hasn't given me every detail to what I have to do, but I know enough to rest in His plan for my future. I should rest in His plan even if I didn't get that word. Well I'm resting in it, regardless! But my talents ARE God's.
6-You will find satisfaction and perfect peace as you unite with Jesus...more than ever before!
----I told Aundi about a dream I had a couple days ago...long story short, I was told that to save multiple others, me and Elijah had to die. I cried--I cried for all the people we were leaving behind. I didn't cry because I was GOING TO DIE, but because these people would miss me. But I felt like God (even in my dream, funnily enough) was telling me "Lovely, they'll miss you. But they'll see you soon." But I had peace. I KNEW for a fact that I was going to spend eternity worshiping the King of Kings, Lord of Lords, Ancient of Days, The One who was, who is, and is to come! And dying would all be worth it. But I couldn't get over the fact that I was going to leave these people behind. Like I had so much more to accomplish with them--so many more lives to save!
I didn't think about how I'd never have children, never get married, never even graduate high school! I had a peace that is...indescribable. And I woke up and thought, "God. Wow. I have no doubt in you, and I've put my life COMPLETELY in your hands."
Although it may be a scary thought, it was a RELIEF. Yeah, I know. I'm saying it was a relief KNOWING I WAS GOING TO DIE. But like I already said, I want to worship the Lord for eternity!
So after waking up, like I said, I thought "wow."
I also realized how valuable my life is, and how quickly the end could come. God knows when the last word of the book also known as my life as been reached. When that ending, blank page is reached.
I have to make the most of every word up until that point. I don't know how many pages I have left, but I'm going to fill up those pages with the glory of God, worshiping in my fleshly body, spreading salvation to the lost! I want to get to know my Heavenly Father as best as I can while I'm still here.
And if I were to die tomorrow, I think I'd be alright. I'd freak out for about thirty seconds, running over everything I've never done, the children I never had, the husband I never met...then I'd realize that God had this written for my life before I was even a little fetus! He knows the EXACT moment I'll die.
That could sound creepy, or that could be comforting.
I find it comforting.
Death? ....Comforting? Of all things, comforting? It sounds crazy.
And even to me, it STILL sounds crazy. To my mind, it sounds crazy. To my spirit, heart, and soul, it sounds perfectly reasonable.
So. Back to number 6. Peace. I've been working at it. Having peace is also being patience, not being anxious...there's a number of things that coincide with peace.
Can I give you a random proverb that I just found? I was looking for the one I know on peace, but whatever. This is more important! It actually...applies to everything I JUST said.

"When calamity comes, the wicked are brought down,
but even in death the righteous have a refuge."
-Proverbs 14:32

With that dream...I took REFUGE in knowing death was right around the corner. In everything that was happening in my dream (calamity), I found peace in knowing that I was going to die.
And in being all calm about dying right now, I'm STILL listening to "No Reason".
I want to just go CRAZY for God, you know? You have no idea how badly I want you to understand!
That's my mission as a little point singer/ sometimes leader / mostly back choir mic singer....
to tell the other worshipers "Jesus IS here. There is TRUE joy found in Him! True peace. True LOVE. GO CRAZY!"
When I think of "Go CRAZY", it reminds me of some little kid monkey themed birthday party. No no, that's not crazy. Crazy is King David dancing so hard is robes fell off. THAT'S the crazy I want.
Without the loss of articles of clothing, preferably

Well, I'm not used to staying up too late.
Goodnight world and ALMOST happy birthday, Bundi!

-LL

I am a conquerer and co-heir with Christ...

Okay. So I just wrote about three paragraphs and deleted them...because I was a little miffed at somebody, because she made a big deal out of nothing, and then I realized I was making an even bigger deal out of the nothing she made a big deal of.
It's like 1/4 divided by 2 is 1/8. It makes it smaller.
*update on this dumb situation* well, I spent practically five hours with her and she didn't even look at me, so obviously she's a little on the miffed side. Oh well.
Something that's come to my attention:
that was my citing Aundi...since she does that. Woop de woop Aundi!
You know how the US law (and whatnot) says "Innocent until proven guilty"?
How often do we REALLY follow that?
I used to say that in biology when we were grading others' tests. I really felt for the people that TOTALLY bombed these pop-quizzes/tests...yet they treated me like a number. They KNEW MY NAME...yet graded like they didn't.
I'm not asking them to grade and be easy on me...but to follow the "innocent until proven guilty".
I guess whether you believe in "Innocent until proven guilty" or "Guilty until proven innocent" depends on how you were raised...and if you're out to prove to the world that since it happened to you at one point or another, it'll happen to them.
Which SUCKS when you don't deserve the hard grading or unfair treatment.
And yet I feel like I'm on the "guilty until proven innocent" trail--meaning that people judge me unrighteously (which spellcheck is telling me isn't a word. Oops. Deal.) because of their own issues.
So I've made a solution. For myself, at least.
No matter what happens, no matter what kinda bad mood or crap has occurred that day, no matter the circumstance or previous notions, against all judgement...
I will treat people the way the DESERVE to be treated.
No, no. Not the way they deserve. The way they were MEANT to be treated.
Let me quote a verse! woo! Okay a couple verses...but deal.

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths,
but only what is helpful for bilding others up according to their needs,
that it may benefit those who listen.
And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God,
with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander,
along with every form of malice.
Be kind and compassionate to one another,
forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."
-Ephesians 4:29-31

Like the chica I mentioned earlier...I was asking her to forgive ME for calling her out on her mistake...if she thought I wasn't doing it out of love. But I don't think she did. You can give a person a bajillion opportunities to forgive you, but only God can convict them to TRULY forgive you.
I find myself falling quite easily into bitterness. If you read my blog from a month or two ago (about Nick...) I was bitter for a LONG time. Because I thought he was saying
"Leah, you're not good enough"...
when he was really saying
"Leah, you're not my good. You're another guy's good. You're not just his good--you're his everything."
And I hated him for it. Okay I didn't hate him...I felt a very strong dislike for him. When all he was trying to do was help. He was trying to HELP me, and I didn't want him to.
I had to forgive him for putting me through crap...
I had tried to forgive him quickly, ya know just an "I'm okay. It's all good!" But the bitterness didn't leave.
I still pulled up the crap he put me through and the dumb things he did to me. But I would say "No, I'm okay. I'm over it."
And forgiving can be easy, and sometimes it can be...unforgiving. Sometimes it takes a lot to say "Ya know what, whatever happened, it's the past. We made mistakes. You're sorry. I understand" and REALLY mean it.
Nick and I are actually pretty close friends now. Of all things, we talk about his girl issues. Which I find pretty funny, because he'll say something like "when we dated..." and we remain unphased.
But BECAUSE I forgave him completely, and said "ya know Nick, I'm sorry for being bitter towards you. It's not you. You're somebody's perfect, just not mine. And I didn't understand that. I'd like to put the past behind us" we really HAVE moved on.
While I WAS bitter towards him, he acted weird towards me. If I was in a room, and if he could help it, he'd leave.
It's totally gone, and that's taught me that dating's SO not worth it.
Another thing that's come to my attention.
This middle school boyfriend I had (Miles) that was my first little seventh grade boyfriend...and a kid I met in freshman english (Tommy, which is the dreaded name of anybody that knows LL)...they gossip to me like little school girls ABOUT EACH OTHER.
They used to be best friends, believe it or not.
It's always...Miles is a pot head, Tommy can't keep it in his pants, Miles is a pansy, Tommy's a [not-very-nice-word]...and I don't know why they can't keep it to themselves!
This may sound a little snooty/skank-worthy, but Tommy's jealous that Miles DID date me. And Miles is just...himself. He's not too smart.
And I'm not so sure about the pot-smoking part, but like I told Tommy:
"Innocent until proven guilty"

I'll write more and add to this blog tomorrow morning.
Elijah wants to get on.

Night world.

-LL

Break my heart for what breaks Yours

I was gonna write a blog about watching Saving Private Ryan. I actually STARTED writing a blog about it.
But I thought I'd share a little bit of my feelings with you all =]

I can't help but feel that people are keeping things from me. I understand not feeling the need to tell me that their toenail is falling off, their mom is unfair because they weren't allowed to watch Rugrats when they were little, or their long-time pet goldfish is now pushing up daisies--but important details. Like my one friend.
I don't understand why people replace the subjects' of their latest blogs' names if nobody knows them.
Her name's Jessica.
Or at least, it could be Jessica. I could be lying right now, you'd never know!
She likes to say "Hey! We haven't hung out in like a YEAR! Wanna come over tomorrow?"
and I respond with something like "Dude! Sure! Plan, por favor?"
Then she excitedly replies "SURE! I'll call you tonight, Lelah."
The call never comes. She doesn't text back. She doesn't answer the phone.
Can any of you guys explain to me WHY she does this? Because I'm VERY tempted to feel like crap. Like I'm not worth anyone's time, let alone hers. I have some friends like that. They talk to me when it's good FOR THEM. When they have the time, when they're in the right mood, when they need a good slap in the face or a warm feeling. Yet I bend over backwards (practically) to be there for them, to be available...that they would KNOW that God loves them more than they could imagine (oh ho, there it is again!).
And I ask "God, why do You let people walk all-over me? Why did you make me so...sympathetic? Why do I care, God?"
Again...I feel stupid and doubtful. "Why am I asking YOU all these questions?"
"Why did You make me the way I am?" Sheesh Leah. Get a hold of yourself, woman. God's millions upon jillions of thoughts for you are not
"Oh dear. I should have thought about that before she was born with that weird birth mark on her arm."
"Oops. I should've made her a little skinnier. Oh well"
"Well, her smile is alright. She can deal until she turns 16 and people think she's 14."
Again. Sheesh Leah. Don't make me pull out Psalm 139:13-18....
And I guess I need to remember that I'm in the wilderness. In being alone, I am NEVER alone. I'm growing in God more rapidly than I could ever imagine--BECAUSE I'm alone. I get away from the influences and mentors...
It's just me and God. God and me. The Lover of my soul and his lovely. The shepherd and his pure, white lamb. I don't wanna be alone forever, really. I guess He's called me to say
"God, I'd prefer to not be in the desert...but if it's where you put me, that's where I'll be"
Lately, every Hillsong United song from "Across The Earth / / Tear Down the Walls" has deeply affected me at a different point since I first got the CD.
Right now, it's "Desert Song"
I've always liked this song...but it's just SUCH an awesome song.
My favorite verse/line/lines, really....

And this is my prayer in the fire / in weakness or trial or pain
there is a faith proved of more worth than gold
so refine me Lord through the flames

Don't get me wrong, I love pretttyyy much every word of this song. But knowing that through the flames I'll come out a sparkling piece of pottery (a piece of pottery. te he)...is one of my comforts.
Along with that being a comfort, there's also plain bagels with cream cheese. Different story though.
Well, that's all for tonight. Thank you for going through an emotional cycle with Leah.

-LL

So I look to You, no one else will do

Ah goodness gracious!
I figure I'd switch it up from the usual 'dear goodness' or 'goodness me'
or the ONE TIME I said 'good golly miss Molly'
Do you ever have those days where you just smile for no reason?
Elijah seems to do this a lot. It makes me laugh, actually. EVERY SINGLE TIME HE DOES IT!
So this train of thought leads me to:

I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on the rock and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear and put their trust in the LORD.
-Psalm 40:1-3

Ah! I love thinking back on what God's done for me--with how far I've come. In the past month, even! I grow everyday.
And I would relate this to love but, well...you know me. God loves me. God loves you. God loves everybody. CASE CLOSED!
I will randomly comment on something I've seen. With all I've been writing about love, Aundi wrote a blog about hate. And being completely opposite (love and hate, that is) I thought that was TOTALLY WICKED (Incredibles reference, thank you!)
I would write Psalm 100....but I think everybody knows what I'm talking about. OH WELL! I will write it down anyways...so you can...think it over.

Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.
Worship the LORD with gladness;
come before him with joyful songs.
Know that the LORD is God.
It is he who made us, and we are His;
we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.
-Psalm 100:1-3

Although I may find it a little offensive to be called a sheep, I really don't mind it too much. I mean, a sheep in the wilderness is a tad bit scary of a thought, but with a shepherd, it's...comforting.
I know that what I'm about to say might not be comforting...
but you know how Jesus (as a shepherd) is sometimes seen with a sheep on his shoulders?
such as the picture I so kindly provided for you RIGHT HERE!
<---Yes. Right here. Like I was saying...Jesus is seen with sheep on his shoulders sometimes. I learned this a few years ago, but...
a shepherd will break the legs of a young lamb and carry it on his shoulders to let the lamb "get to know him" I guess you'd say...to become familiar...so that the lamb trusts in the shepherd, and knows that the shepherd IS the its comforting place that it'll ALWAYS return to in times of trouble or when its' lost.

It may just be me, but I find that EXTREMELY comforting. Not the broken legs (ouch). But through the trials and tests we face, God is bringing us close to Him and teaching us to rely in him. In that--without a doubt, we won't even QUESTION where to go when we're lost. We won't be afraid when we see obstacles in the distance, because our Shepherd knows which rivers we can cross and which rivers are just a little too deep for us.
AH goodness how comforting that is!
And as a "daddy" aspect of God (which is my ULTIMATE comfort), I found this picture.
The one word I can use to describe this picture: innocent
It's the perfect depiction of innocence.
This little girl, with all her innocence and simplicity... sooner or later WILL spill something on that beautiful, perfectly white dress. It just...happens. It could be a minuscule drop of pink lemonade, or it could be a whole bowl of fruit punch.
Yet her Father is waiting there with a tide stain stick or a washing machine fully loaded with bleach! No matter how big the stain, he has JUST the thing for it!
and all she has to say is "Uhh....daaaadddd...I kinda spilled on my dress. Can you help me please?"

Oh goodness. Me an analogies are like...I don't know. Peanut butter and jelly. Bagels and cream cheese. Paintings and art museums. Spiderman and Mary Jane, even. I wish somebody shared my love for analogies!
...Well, my sister is bothering me to get on club penguin. Keep in mind she's 13. Elijah also wants to watch LOST on the laptop, too. Bummer bummer.

Those are my deep thoughts of the day. God's gift to me through pictures and strange stories about broken farm animals' legs.

I love you all, my dear lovelies! Off to water-world in the morning with the GPs (the ULTIMATE test of patience)
-LL

Bowing down in spirit and truth

Well, my faithful friends,
The one with everything to say is at a loss for words. This has only happened a few times.
I think I should say something about my frequent dreams concerning Tommy.
If you're Aundi, you know about 75% percent my total life. And about 1% of that is Tommy dreams, even though I think in the last...mmm....month, I've had way too many dreams to be healthy.
I haven't talked to him in like two weeks...or actually since I got back...a week and a half ago. Three days off, sue me.
But it's not just like random occurrences with Tommy.
I always have something I'm supposed to do or go to, and when I get there, HE'S THERE. And no matter how hard that I try to leave, I can't. For some reason or another, I can't leave. I get stuck in a bathroom, he won't let me, my parents think it's "rude"
yes, even in my dreams, my parents critique my behavior. But I guess that's their job. BUT IN MY DREAMS? Isn't that my escape?
But I'm usually stuck in the bathroom, like I said.. Either changing, taking a shower, brushing my teeth, putting on makeup, actually GOING to the bathroom, WHATEVER. I'm stuck.
And if you know my issues with Tommy, he's a bit of a creeper to me. Like I won't let him come to my house. Or take me to a movie. Or go to elitches with me. This is not in my dreams...this is reality. Because in a "situation" like that, I could TRY to be in control, but there's a point where you PUT yourself under the control of somebody else.
It's like going to elitches and expecting to not ride any rides.
It's like buying a painting and not hanging it up.
It's like dating a guy and expecting him to never come near you.
It's like going to a highschool party and not being handed a red plastic cup at LEAST three times.
It's like being alone with a boy and not expecting him to act on his "boy thoughts"
I guess he can have his "boy thoughts", but I CANNOT know. I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not. I'm not sorry at all.
Because I choose not to date, to stay pure, he can at least respect my decision.

I'm also a person that gets anxious easily. So my dreams (according to the people that live their lives with psychology) show that. I can't find all my clothes, I can't find where I'm going, I can't stop somebody from pursuing me, I can't remember where I'm going, I forgot to do something...the list is endless. I feel like I need to be in control.
In my Tommy dreams, it usually ends up in being that
a) I can't find my clothes (usually not too bad...like I can't find my pants, i'm wearing a...cami? I dream pretty modestly. Maybe wearing a towel, that's the worst I've had)
b) He won't stop following me
c) He has something I need to use to accomplish a task (i.e. a key to open a door)
d) all of the above
And sometimes in these dreams, I can't control my actions. I think "leave. just walk out. this is the ONE time you can walk out on him, do it"
and I don't. I can think all I want, but do nothing about it.
and something always happens that I don't wanna happen. My dreams are rated pretty PG...no porno, thank you. Maybe at the most PG-13. Just keep that in mind.
But still.
BUT STILL.
If I could sigh in a blog, I'd be doing it right now.
*sigh*. There you have it.
So since...maybe before my trip, I've kinda been using my blog as like
"hey. this just happened."
"hey. this is what God taught me from this."
and I'm guessing...this is teaching me to rely on God. Completely and totally. Not just like "Oh, here's 10% of my income, God. Here's my Sunday mornings and evenings."
I thought I've been doing that, but I guess my subconscience doesn't really want to.
It's just creepy that it happens to be about Tommy.
Can I just say that it kinda makes me shudder to type his name?
Anyway. Not the point that I'm having a little shudder-fest over here *shudder*.
So here's some food for thought. A penny for your thoughts. Brain food.

"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the Earth"
-Psalm 46:10
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"
-Jeremiah 29:11
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."
-Philippians 4:6
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”
-Joshua 1:9

Can I just say that all four of those are in the top 30 well-known bible scriptures?
Yet it's the thing I struggle with most. How does that work?
I think it's that I don't comprehend, understand, and take something out of what I read. I read, and move on.
Something I learned in Praise Habit by David Crowder...that when the NIV said LORD, it's the "Yahweh" God. The all-knowing, all-powerful, all-considering, everlasting God.
As I like to think,
"Father"
compared to "Daddy" (Which is Abba, I think? Correct me if I'm misinterpreting)
So in Jeremiah 29:11, the all-knowing, all-powerful God is TELLING you how it's gonna be. No doubt. I will NOT be harmed, because he said that. He KNOWS how it's gonna be.
That scripture didn't really fit all the others...but that's another thing I'm anxious about. My future.
But that's for another blog =]

-LL

(p.s.- in internship, me, Elijah, and Nate usually come up with something crazy. I guess it's whoever Nate's with comes up with something crazy...anywhere.
Last week, it was my special Mario Hat-Michael Jackson-Legend of Zelda theme-xylophone playing masta ability. This week...Nate sleeping on the bar of the Pulse cafe with a nightcap and tiny baby blanket...after a Java "Mean Bean" monster crash.)

And my soul will be satisfied, soon and very soon.

Holy, holy holy
is the Lord God Almighty,
who was, and is, and is to come.
-Revelation 4:8

I am actually reading Revelation for the first time. People expect me to have read every book in the bible at least twice now...yeah, I haven't.
I've only recently fallen in love with reading the word....and like Aundi has said about her own passion for the Word "It's like a craving!". And I feel the same way!
The thought of Revelation always kinda scared me. I read the children's Left Behind book series when I was..mmm....11 or 12? I watched the movie. It scared me half to death. I didn't know if I would be 'left behind' or be sitting in the Feast of the Lamb, wearing white robes and worshiping the Lord. And boy, did I wanna be at that feast!
After reading Revelation at the age of 16, I'm proud to say that I'm not afraid. I KNOW that when the day comes (if it comes during our lifetime) I will not be stuck here. I want to wear the white robes, never hunger, never thirst, and worship Him for all of eternity.

And he said, "These are they who have come out of the great tribulation; they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb. Therefore,
"they are before the throne of God and serve
him day and night in his temple;
and he who sits on the throne will spread his tent over them.
Never again will they hunger;
never again will they thirst.
The sun will not beat upon them,
nor any scorching heart.
For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd;
he will lead them to springs of living water.
And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes."
-Revelation 7:14-17

Doesn't that just sound...AWESOME? I really want to be there. If you listen to "Soon" by Hillsong United, I think you'll feel the same way.
What gets me is the "...And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes."
For me, that's a WHOLE lotta tears. And like I mentioned in a post maybe....mmmm....4 or 5 blogs ago, it's a Father and his daughter. Wiping away her tears, and making sure that she will never hurt or hunger or thirst EVER AGAIN!
But seriously. Reading Revelation is....creepy? I don't know. Okay the word is demonic, I think. Just for reading about the beasts and the three woes...it makes me wanna spread salvation, ya know? Because you read that and think "I don't want anyone I know to have to experience this"
And what I've been thinking lately while reading the Bible is...God loves his people SO much. I've actually been reading Jeremiah, where the people are worshiping false gods and offering sacrifices to them...and God is threatening to punish them, yet they STILL do it.

From Jeremiah is one of my favorite verses, which Aundi gave me when I was first getting to know her:

'But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,'

declares the LORD,
'because you are called an outcast,
Zion for whom no one cares.'

-Jeremiah 30:17

This scripture seems to come to me when I'm REALLY upset. In...turmoil, I guess you'd say. It's calming. Completely and totally.
Because I AM an outcast...and even if the whole world has left me, the Lord will STILL heal my wounds. I find comfort in that!

So what I've been trying to say is...I've been realizing that God's love is in EVERY WORD of the Bible! The Bible IS one big love story--between God and his people. Sometimes it may not seem like it, but it is. Through the plagues and the woes and the whatever else that happens, He loves his people.
I LOVE that God loves me so much. And I STILL don't understand how much that is.

-LL

p.s.- This is the first time I've ever listened to "Soon" and cried. And I even put on makeup today, dang it.

I am Yours, and You are mine!

You know what I've been doing lately?
Writing whole blogs and deleting them. Sometimes I do that when I'm super upset or just...emotional, and I realize that I just get it after I vent a little. And most of the time they're stupid, so I delete them.
But I was writing a blog yesterday, and I can't remember what it was even about. But I read it and I was like "Leah, this is so stupid. Why are you writing this? There's nothing profound about it, it's not interesting, and nobody can learn from it. Why would anybody read this?"
I really hope SOMEBODY learns SOMETHING from one of my posts. I know that I learn a lot just by writing them.
I kinda just sit down and reflect on the day...then write about it. And many of the people that follow my blog are the people that influence my thoughts! So the next post could be about you!
But anyway. New to the blogging world is Aundi! And I hope she doesn't mind that I put a link to her blog. Oops. Just did.
Aundi influences a lot of my blogs. She kinda lets me know that I ALREADY know something, but am not realizing it. Does that make any sense? And she just...gets me.
Anyway.
I say anyway at LEAST four times a blog post, I think. But get used to it!
I haven't done bullets in like a month, and I don't think I'll start again. But thank-you to the faithful followers of las balas! Sonia, Sydney, Morgan...the list goes on. I'd like to also thank the academy.
Sorry, I've always wanted to say that.
Anyway. I think that's three anyways. Go back and count and prove me wrong if you want.
Hmm....I'm not exactly sure what to write this blog about.
I'm doing the five-minute challenge for internship Wednesday, and I've never exactly done that before! I'm a memorized-line kinda girl. Not a hey let's get up and talk!
But...I did get an A in public speaking, even though during one of my speeches I started to cry. Oops.
I guess if it's something God wants people to hear, He'll let me say it...since I feel like I've written half of my blogs on true love...that's what I'll be talking about! Not enough people understand.
And I KNOW I don't completely understand true love. But I think I have the gist of what love isn't. Because I would feel comfortable saying I've LOOKED for love in the wrong places. Nobody's ever found love in the wrong places, have you noticed? They find lust, disappointment, and emptiness.
I've been pretty good about staying away from lust, I've been disappointed, and I've been empty. Not completely empty, but the "low fuel" light has come on and been on for a while.
Like I was just telling Miss Molly, I've been alone before. Not completely alone, but I didn't understand that at the time. And God TOTALLY found me. He practically read me my own heart, and called me out for doubting His presence. Whenever I get a word, that's what seems to happen. This is why I cry! Because I'm like "God, why do You do this? Why do I feel like I keep fighting and losing? Why do I have to feel so alone?"
And he calls me out! Not just like "Hey Leah, I'm here". But TOTALLY calls me out. To a point where I realize that I didn't think God knew my heart.
It's like having somebody follow you around for your entire life. You shower, they're there. You eat dinner, they're there. You go to a movie, they're sitting right behind you. You sleep, they watch you. Until one day you're like "WOAH what are you doing here?".
Yet they've been there your ENTIRE LIFE! And you can't say "You haven't been there. I didn't see you, so you couldn't have been there"
Do you get what I'm saying? God knows everything about me. He understands the depths of my heart, my deepest desires, my thoughts, my feelings...everything. And I forget he KNOWS. With those "words" he gave me, he's said "My daughter...remember. I'm with you always. I know the desires of your heart, and you don't know how much I want to give them to you. But you need to trust in Me and my timing. You need to give me everything that matters to you, and I'll become all that matters to you. I hate to see you in pain, Lovely. But you'll grow to be strong and mature in Me through the struggles. You'll learn to praise me in the losses and triumphs. No matter what happens, just know that I love you. More than you'll ever understand."

That's what gets me everytime. He KNOWS me. And I want to know Him!
Yet I was trying to go deeper.
Like digging in the ground. First I'm digging with one of those little gardening shovels in the loose dirt. A hand shovel for the deep dirt. And I need to pull out the full-size shovel when I hit clay.
I was totally relying on the sunday message, an inspirational bible verse now and again, and singing Hillsong United in the shower.
I was looking to go deeper without really trying. Like saying "Draw near to me, God" while tip-toeing away from him. Instead I want to run towards him with open arms, saying "Take me God, take all of me. I want nothing else!"

I don't ever want to lose this passion that I have for his love!

And I / I can't shake / this fire deep inside my heart

I don't wanna fall away. I don't wanna change my mind. It's so worth it...if only you knew!

-LL

And as my heart grows faint lead me to Your rock, be my Shelter....

If you have eyes, you've noticed that my blog has changed!
Well, if you haven't...you might wanna get your eyes checked. Or get a seeing eye dog. Maybe both.
But ANYWAY! I changed the title! Because I thought "Hmmm....'stranger in paradise' doesn't describe me at all. I'm no stranger, and I don't think this is paradise! Not yet, anyway.
So I was looking through my itunes to find a song to name my blog after. I'd find good ones, yet to my dismay, they didn't fit just right.
My mom forgot to delete her John Bevere CD series off my computer, and "A Daughter's Healing" jumped out at me. And so I thought..."Dude. That's ME. That is my life. My journey. What's happening RIGHT NOW."
Like I said a blog or two ago...with my word picture, I'm a daughter.
Story time everybody!
sorry I haven't done bullets in a while. I think God's screwing my head on straight. I can think in straight lines WAHOO!
Anyway.
In February, I was dumped. Pretty horribly, I'd say...at the time. Now I look back and think "Dear goodness Leah, this boy was not your life."
But I cried. Hard. VERY VERY VERY HARD. Because being dumped makes you think "Well, something's wrong with me. He didn't like something about me. Or everything about me! OR didn't like anything about me!" Or I guess that's just me. I take things very personal. Okay okay, I'm not declaring that over my life. I USED to take things very personal.
So I was dumped. "to be friends". "i see you more as a sister". "you're a wonderful girl, just not for me".
You know the gist. And everytime I used to look at those words, I'd scoff and think "what a jerk! Why can't you just tell me that I'm not good enough???"
When truth is, he was saying I WAS good enough. We just...weren't the same kinda good, you know? He was looking for something different and so was I!
He had an octagon shaped hole and I was a hexagon. Close, "but no cigar"
Can I just say that I had NEVER heard that saying until being in Georgia doing puzzles with my Aunt? Now I hear it ALL the time.
Anyway. We were close, but it wasn't right. And you can't take away part of that shape, because that's just what it is. That's what it was made as. A hexagon. It wasn't meant to be an octagon, otherwise we wouldn't have this problem, now would we?
Back to the story. My mom and I prayed for a couple hours, she painted my nails to make me feel better...whatnot. We asked God for a word picture,
and he gave me one...for what my heart looked like.
When I think heart, I think love-cartoon heart.
When my mom thinks heart, she thinks aortic-pump organ heart.
So i'm talkin love-cartoon-valentines heart.
But it was pale, and it had been battered. It was bruised...like an apple! Yeah! Just like an apple. It was limp and lifeless...like it was beaten with a baseball bat and left to die. It had been cast away, like yesterday's newspaper.
This may sound a little crazy, or it may hit close to home. Just bear with me por favor =]
But the next part was just...amazing. Completely. Jesus had taken it in his hands (scars, dirt, and all) and brushed it off. Like a toy dropped in the dirt. Just kinda blew it off, and it came back to life. Sure, there were scars, but they weren't open wounds anymore. They didn't hurt. They were still there, and they would always be.
I will always remember every person that has hurt me or made me feel bad about being who I was...completely and totally. God has used them as lessons for me, and I'll never forget!
The whole "forgive and forget" thing never worked for me anyway. Since if you forget, you have to learn the lessons multiple times until...I don't know! Until you're dead.
And dying stupid isn't too much fun, I'd imagine.
So I still think of this word picture. The flawed yet beautiful, red, lively heart...doing what it always did.
You know when you get some kinda nasty wound that scars up pretty badly?
Hair or freckles or birthmarks or WHATEVER can never grow on a scar.
As I learned with Nick, I gave little pieces of my heart away, thinking it was worth it...he would use these pieces, and return them in working conditions when he was finished.
Oh ho ho, little Leah. Nieve little Leah....
they're not returned. They're packed away in his heart. I don't know why or how...but I feel like God has told me that. I invested way too much of my heart in him, and that's love that can never be used again.
If I have to cite When Dreams Come True one more time, I think I might lose a follower. Oh well.
If you read this book (like Amelia and I did) you'll realize that I'd say....mmmm....75% of the world doesn't know what love is. They know human love, and they use it to the best of their ability.
But the ONE true love is the love of Jesus Christ!
It's never ending, unfailing, and unconditional. Like I've said prior to this blog, relationships need to be built spiritually, emotionally, THEN physically...from Authentic Beauty.
and like Sonia has kinda-but-not-really suggested, I put some of my favorite books in a little thingy on the side of my blog. They vary in....genre....anyway. Back to the building relationships.
You can't build it on buddha, or muhammad, or...i don't know, madonna (kabala? does anybody know what happened to that religion anyway?)!
You're not gonna find nirvana. You're not gonna find TRUE love...without Jesus Christ.
If you read Song of Songs at first you think "Oh WOW! This guy really loved that person. She must have meant so much to him!"
I read this book of the Bible for the first time and TOTALLY fell in love with it. I kept asking Sarah H. all these questions about it.
Solomon wrote it obviously, since it's also known as "Song of Solomon"...
but it's a love letter from the Lord to his people. The church.
Which is what I thought it was in the first place, but my bible is pretty bare-bones so I wasn't too sure.
I suggest you read it thought =] I have to say it's my favorite...with psalms as a close second. I know, I know. There's a couple lines like "with hair like a flock of goats" and "a neck like the tower of David"
but once you get past the old lingo it's....beautiful. It's the most lovely, beautiful, flawless thing I've ever seen. Love in its purest form.

I've always kinda been a sucker for the love of God. Some people are amazed by His power, some by his peace, by His awesomeness?
But the thing that makes me break down and cry EVERY SINGLE TIME is how much He's in love with me. He's CRAZY about me. He loves me to the very ends of the universe and back again...a million times. His thoughts for me outnumber the grains of sand on the ENTIRE earth. That's a whole lotta sand.
I'm healed by his love. His love was the needle and thread that sewed up the wounds in my heart. His hands were the ones to put on the bandaids. Not Nick's. Not my Mom's. Not my own. But God's hands...because I'm His daughter, and He hates to see me heart broken.
His heart breaks to see me so...distraught in my emotions. He wants for me to think of him as my Dad. A daughter in her Father's arms....
when I fall off my bike, He brushes me off and says "Now are you gonna do the same thing again? I won't let go"
when my best friends decide to leave me over barbies, He'll cry with me and say "They weren't the right friends for you anyway."
and even when everyone has left me and I'm completely alone, He'll comfort me and say "Now we can be alone. I love you, Leah. You have no idea how much I love you. You'll never know. I know you'll understand the best you can, but I died just for you."

And this is how I'm finding my healing: Through the love of Jesus Christ.

Your love it broke my fall, it's more than enough than I needed

Well, I'll attempt to write a blog of some kind of depth. It's been a...busy day, I guess. Pulse stuff, mostly. Y'all know, since I saw half of you there today!
Anyway. Goodness, I have no idea where to start.
I'm about three minutes from an emotional breakdown...just because...I'm emotional like that. I need to release. I'm an extrovert like that. I internalize things until I just can't hold it any longer, and let them out in one short, but VERY emotional burst.
Let me start out with a rant, then convince myself I'm feeling this way for no reason.
As I've mentioned before (if you actually read my blogs, i love you) I used to feel COMPLETELY alone. And sometimes it sneaks up on me again. Which SUCKS. Like the kind where you think "well, I'll text somebody and maybe i'll snap out of it."
until you text like half your phonebook and everybody decides to ignore you.
Okay well, I'm exaggerating. Again, emotional Leah speaking. But it's like the devil will let me slip, then just keep shoving me down until I'm wallowing in my misery, drowning in discontent feelings, and looking for things in the wrong places.
If you know me, I've never gone too far with anything. With boys, with substance, with...I don't even know. You can pretty much put virgin behind any word (meaning i haven't done anything) and it would describe me. I'm quite proud of that.
Anyway. I kinda just had my breakdown...since "Hosanna" by Hillsong United came on. In Hebrew, Hosanna means praying save us!
So this song is like...save me God, save me. Please.
And this may sound stupid, but I feel like saying please to God is redundant. Yet I still do it! I mean, he knows the desires of my heart. He also knows everything that's gonna happen to me, but I still pray, right? Like yesterday. This is pretty funny, I gotta say.
So I was kinda worried about my grade in Bio last semester (don't laugh at me Amelia.)...so I finally got to the point (yesterday, obviously) where I could check it. I was praying like none other that I would NOT get a d. There was a slim chance at a b, a 50/50 at a c, and i don't know how much at a d.
Turns out I got a C. You have NO idea how happy I was. Yeah, I know I'm an underachiever. But still. Two c's in my entire life, and I'm pretty dang proud of that.
I seem to ramble, don't I? Well....that's what comes with loving me.
Well shoot. I'm in a better mood after a few heartfelt Hillsong songs and a text conversation with Aundi consisting of two texts.
And I guess after remembering my painting from the lovely Marianne..."Surely I am with you always, to the very ends of the age" -Matthew 28:20.
I think everybody has THEIR scripture, and this is mine. I find it funny that God lets me wallow in my emotions, then pulls me out of them. Kind of to say "I hate it when you do this, but you have to. You have to grow in Me, and even though you go through the fire, you're in the Potter's hands...being molded through the heat, modeled in my image, until you'll come out beautiful and complete in Me. But lovely, you're not there yet!"
And yet I think "God, let me be done. Hurry up. It's too hot. I can't feel you! Are you holding me? Don't drop me in the fire!"
So I've been writing this blog in continuation from Wednesday night to Thursday morning. And I just read Jeremiah 18:3-6...which I know means a lot to Morgan (at least 18:6)...since her sister told me that.
Anyway. Here it is.
"So I went down to the potter's house, and I saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him. Then the word of the LORD came to me: 'O house of Israel, can I not do with you as this potter does?' declares the LORD. 'Like clay in the hand of the potter, so are you in my hand, O house of Israel.'"
So I realized one of my new favorite (really actually old) hillsong songs is All For Love by Hillsong. Not United, just normal Hillsong. I LOVE it.
Which brings my favorite Hillsong United/Hillsong songs to:
"Came To My Rescue"
"Hosanna"
"From The Inside Out"
"Soon"
"King Of All Days"
"You Hold Me Now"
"Desert Song"
"All For Love"
"Shout To The Lord" (classic, obviously)
and a few others!
I love them all, but whenever I hear these certain ones, my heart just BREAKS.
From "Hosanna"....'break my heart for what breaks Yours"
and I just had to listen to "Shout To The Lord" like three times in a row. I LOVE that song. I remember listening to it in my car seat coming home from church with my parents and older brother. I was probably....four. Sitting in my carseat with my mary-janes, white tights, and headband with a bow. Elijah and I would attempt to sing the words, but with me not knowing words very well, I used phonetics!
Ah well. Long rant. Sorry all.
I love you all!
Danielle-Amelia-Kyra-Shelly-Sonia-Morgan-Sydney

Love,
The Always Lovely Leah
psalm 139:14 (and matthew 28:20, obviously =])