7.18.2009

I am a conquerer and co-heir with Christ...

Okay. So I just wrote about three paragraphs and deleted them...because I was a little miffed at somebody, because she made a big deal out of nothing, and then I realized I was making an even bigger deal out of the nothing she made a big deal of.
It's like 1/4 divided by 2 is 1/8. It makes it smaller.
*update on this dumb situation* well, I spent practically five hours with her and she didn't even look at me, so obviously she's a little on the miffed side. Oh well.
Something that's come to my attention:
that was my citing Aundi...since she does that. Woop de woop Aundi!
You know how the US law (and whatnot) says "Innocent until proven guilty"?
How often do we REALLY follow that?
I used to say that in biology when we were grading others' tests. I really felt for the people that TOTALLY bombed these pop-quizzes/tests...yet they treated me like a number. They KNEW MY NAME...yet graded like they didn't.
I'm not asking them to grade and be easy on me...but to follow the "innocent until proven guilty".
I guess whether you believe in "Innocent until proven guilty" or "Guilty until proven innocent" depends on how you were raised...and if you're out to prove to the world that since it happened to you at one point or another, it'll happen to them.
Which SUCKS when you don't deserve the hard grading or unfair treatment.
And yet I feel like I'm on the "guilty until proven innocent" trail--meaning that people judge me unrighteously (which spellcheck is telling me isn't a word. Oops. Deal.) because of their own issues.
So I've made a solution. For myself, at least.
No matter what happens, no matter what kinda bad mood or crap has occurred that day, no matter the circumstance or previous notions, against all judgement...
I will treat people the way the DESERVE to be treated.
No, no. Not the way they deserve. The way they were MEANT to be treated.
Let me quote a verse! woo! Okay a couple verses...but deal.
"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths,
but only what is helpful for bilding others up according to their needs,
that it may benefit those who listen.
And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God,
with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.
Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander,
along with every form of malice.
Be kind and compassionate to one another,
forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you."
-Ephesians 4:29-31
Like the chica I mentioned earlier...I was asking her to forgive ME for calling her out on her mistake...if she thought I wasn't doing it out of love. But I don't think she did. You can give a person a bajillion opportunities to forgive you, but only God can convict them to TRULY forgive you.
I find myself falling quite easily into bitterness. If you read my blog from a month or two ago (about Nick...) I was bitter for a LONG time. Because I thought he was saying
"Leah, you're not good enough"...
when he was really saying
"Leah, you're not my good. You're another guy's good. You're not just his good--you're his everything."
And I hated him for it. Okay I didn't hate him...I felt a very strong dislike for him. When all he was trying to do was help. He was trying to HELP me, and I didn't want him to.
I had to forgive him for putting me through crap...
I had tried to forgive him quickly, ya know just an "I'm okay. It's all good!" But the bitterness didn't leave.
I still pulled up the crap he put me through and the dumb things he did to me. But I would say "No, I'm okay. I'm over it."
And forgiving can be easy, and sometimes it can be...unforgiving. Sometimes it takes a lot to say "Ya know what, whatever happened, it's the past. We made mistakes. You're sorry. I understand" and REALLY mean it.
Nick and I are actually pretty close friends now. Of all things, we talk about his girl issues. Which I find pretty funny, because he'll say something like "when we dated..." and we remain unphased.
But BECAUSE I forgave him completely, and said "ya know Nick, I'm sorry for being bitter towards you. It's not you. You're somebody's perfect, just not mine. And I didn't understand that. I'd like to put the past behind us" we really HAVE moved on.
While I WAS bitter towards him, he acted weird towards me. If I was in a room, and if he could help it, he'd leave.
It's totally gone, and that's taught me that dating's SO not worth it.
Another thing that's come to my attention.
This middle school boyfriend I had (Miles) that was my first little seventh grade boyfriend...and a kid I met in freshman english (Tommy, which is the dreaded name of anybody that knows LL)...they gossip to me like little school girls ABOUT EACH OTHER.
They used to be best friends, believe it or not.
It's always...Miles is a pot head, Tommy can't keep it in his pants, Miles is a pansy, Tommy's a [not-very-nice-word]...and I don't know why they can't keep it to themselves!
This may sound a little snooty/skank-worthy, but Tommy's jealous that Miles DID date me. And Miles is just...himself. He's not too smart.
And I'm not so sure about the pot-smoking part, but like I told Tommy:
"Innocent until proven guilty"

I'll write more and add to this blog tomorrow morning.
Elijah wants to get on.

Night world.

-LL

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