Bowing down in spirit and truth

Well, my faithful friends,
The one with everything to say is at a loss for words. This has only happened a few times.
I think I should say something about my frequent dreams concerning Tommy.
If you're Aundi, you know about 75% percent my total life. And about 1% of that is Tommy dreams, even though I think in the last...mmm....month, I've had way too many dreams to be healthy.
I haven't talked to him in like two weeks...or actually since I got back...a week and a half ago. Three days off, sue me.
But it's not just like random occurrences with Tommy.
I always have something I'm supposed to do or go to, and when I get there, HE'S THERE. And no matter how hard that I try to leave, I can't. For some reason or another, I can't leave. I get stuck in a bathroom, he won't let me, my parents think it's "rude"
yes, even in my dreams, my parents critique my behavior. But I guess that's their job. BUT IN MY DREAMS? Isn't that my escape?
But I'm usually stuck in the bathroom, like I said.. Either changing, taking a shower, brushing my teeth, putting on makeup, actually GOING to the bathroom, WHATEVER. I'm stuck.
And if you know my issues with Tommy, he's a bit of a creeper to me. Like I won't let him come to my house. Or take me to a movie. Or go to elitches with me. This is not in my dreams...this is reality. Because in a "situation" like that, I could TRY to be in control, but there's a point where you PUT yourself under the control of somebody else.
It's like going to elitches and expecting to not ride any rides.
It's like buying a painting and not hanging it up.
It's like dating a guy and expecting him to never come near you.
It's like going to a highschool party and not being handed a red plastic cup at LEAST three times.
It's like being alone with a boy and not expecting him to act on his "boy thoughts"
I guess he can have his "boy thoughts", but I CANNOT know. I'd say I'm sorry, but I'm not. I'm not sorry at all.
Because I choose not to date, to stay pure, he can at least respect my decision.

I'm also a person that gets anxious easily. So my dreams (according to the people that live their lives with psychology) show that. I can't find all my clothes, I can't find where I'm going, I can't stop somebody from pursuing me, I can't remember where I'm going, I forgot to do something...the list is endless. I feel like I need to be in control.
In my Tommy dreams, it usually ends up in being that
a) I can't find my clothes (usually not too bad...like I can't find my pants, i'm wearing a...cami? I dream pretty modestly. Maybe wearing a towel, that's the worst I've had)
b) He won't stop following me
c) He has something I need to use to accomplish a task (i.e. a key to open a door)
d) all of the above
And sometimes in these dreams, I can't control my actions. I think "leave. just walk out. this is the ONE time you can walk out on him, do it"
and I don't. I can think all I want, but do nothing about it.
and something always happens that I don't wanna happen. My dreams are rated pretty PG...no porno, thank you. Maybe at the most PG-13. Just keep that in mind.
But still.
BUT STILL.
If I could sigh in a blog, I'd be doing it right now.
*sigh*. There you have it.
So since...maybe before my trip, I've kinda been using my blog as like
"hey. this just happened."
"hey. this is what God taught me from this."
and I'm guessing...this is teaching me to rely on God. Completely and totally. Not just like "Oh, here's 10% of my income, God. Here's my Sunday mornings and evenings."
I thought I've been doing that, but I guess my subconscience doesn't really want to.
It's just creepy that it happens to be about Tommy.
Can I just say that it kinda makes me shudder to type his name?
Anyway. Not the point that I'm having a little shudder-fest over here *shudder*.
So here's some food for thought. A penny for your thoughts. Brain food.

"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the Earth"
-Psalm 46:10
"'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'"
-Jeremiah 29:11
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."
-Philippians 4:6
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”
-Joshua 1:9

Can I just say that all four of those are in the top 30 well-known bible scriptures?
Yet it's the thing I struggle with most. How does that work?
I think it's that I don't comprehend, understand, and take something out of what I read. I read, and move on.
Something I learned in Praise Habit by David Crowder...that when the NIV said LORD, it's the "Yahweh" God. The all-knowing, all-powerful, all-considering, everlasting God.
As I like to think,
"Father"
compared to "Daddy" (Which is Abba, I think? Correct me if I'm misinterpreting)
So in Jeremiah 29:11, the all-knowing, all-powerful God is TELLING you how it's gonna be. No doubt. I will NOT be harmed, because he said that. He KNOWS how it's gonna be.
That scripture didn't really fit all the others...but that's another thing I'm anxious about. My future.
But that's for another blog =]

-LL

(p.s.- in internship, me, Elijah, and Nate usually come up with something crazy. I guess it's whoever Nate's with comes up with something crazy...anywhere.
Last week, it was my special Mario Hat-Michael Jackson-Legend of Zelda theme-xylophone playing masta ability. This week...Nate sleeping on the bar of the Pulse cafe with a nightcap and tiny baby blanket...after a Java "Mean Bean" monster crash.)