7.22.2009

So is my lover among the young men...

Ah. As in my last blog (which could be hidden from sight from Aundi, or after saying this she'll realize it's there)...I'm talking to my oldest cousin.
Which brings me to a very touchy (which is ironically punny), often discussed, but misunderstood subject:

innocence.

I woke up with a song stuck in my head this morning. Wanna know what it is? "Innocence" by Avril Lavigne. I haven't listened to this song since 8th grade.
Yeah, I had a little Avril Lavigne stage. Who hasn't?
Anyway.
It was just SUPER random.
And after dealing with my cousin's ex-gf/brother issue...it's a killer.
Not just physical innocence...or knowing the terms of slang for things that I really wish I didn't know....
but emotional innocence. I guess with innocence I'm talking about purity.
Long story short, my 13 year old girl cousin has a softball tourney in Il., and Josh has the decision to go or not. He didn't think about leaving his younger brother alone in their house with the ex-gf coming and going as the brother pleases.
As I told him..."It's not like they're gonna sit in your empty house playing super smash bro's."
And as both Josh and I know, Charlie (or Drama, as we call him...it fits, okay?) is not exaaacctttllyyy shy. I mean as Josh said, "
yeah we werent at the concert for 30 seconds before she was sitting in his lap"
You understand. But...the corruption of the mind ruins everything, you know? It breaks trust. It alters thoughts.
I mean, it's stupid that a GIRL is getting between these two brothers. And that one is HEARTLESS enough to date his older brother's ex-girlfriend, that he's still crazy about. I hate thinking about people related to me in that kinda way.
but anyway...back to innocence. Because of Charlie's corrupted innocence, his own BROTHER can't trust him with a girl.
And I wish I could tell Charlie that he's making a mistake. But as a puberty-stricken 17 year old boy that can't keep it in his pants, chances are slim to none that he'll listen to me.
I've never seen Josh so...distraught. I mean, guys are supposed to be not as emotional, right?
But he's been hurt...emotionally, I mean. And it really makes me wanna cry, actually.
Because everyone in middle school used to use the quote
"There's nothing worse than seeing the one you love love someone else"
when we didn't know what the heck love even is. But it's different now. Josh may not be in love with this girl, but he loves his brother...and hopes his brother loves him enough to save him the heartache. But he's not sparing Josh at all.

And I'm expanding this blog.
My little sister, whom we all know and love...has some little pre-skanks as friends.
Ya know, the kind that take pictures in the mirror with their swimsuits on saying "pc4pc?"
meaning they want affirmation. They're approval addicts, and they'll stop at nothing...including the point where innocence is lost. If some "young man" propositioned them into doing something that they KNEW wasn't right, they would probably do it, because they don't have the ability to say no.
First it starts at the raunchy texts. The "what would you do if I...[fill in the blank]"
and they're all bark and no bite. Until they realize that nobody will take them seriously for just barking their heads off. So they start out pretty small. SAYING they've "been so far", or texting guys like they mean business...
and with what Chad Eastham said either last year or the year before at revolve...
"When there's no risk, things get risque"
So the little things turn into big things, making them able to brag about being on top of the world, being everywhere-and-in-between with a guy...

but in the end they wonder why they feel empty.
why when they were supposed to be on top of the world, they feel the lowest of lows.

Luckily I really never hit that point! And glory to God, I didn't come too close, either.
There's a point where that innocence is lost. It's mutilated into the world's standard of happiness, success, and mostly love.
I know when I raise a little family (God willing, I guess) that I will try my hardest to keep that innocence. Not to the point of believing in Santa Claus, The Tooth Fairy, or even the Easter Bunny...but that my little children know that they can do all things through Christ who strengthens them...
and when the time comes, that the world is a very...I don't know, REAL place. Bad things happen.
But they are called to be set apart, to lead their peers in all they do, to be a light in a dark place.
A lily in a sea of thorns, an apple tree among the average trees of the forest.
I pray that they will remain pure for as long as possible. Not just physically, but emotionally...mentally. And they will NOT be wearing bikinis at the tender age of 13.

-LL

off of L's bucket list:
#2 Go on a road-trip with somebody outside of my family. PLEASE.

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