Ah goodness. I don't really know what to write right now...since nobody gets on blogger anymore. But I think I blog for myself. And everybody who wants to read does...but if nobody read anymore, I'd still keep doing it. It's a release. I've learned SO much.
So here we are. I wrote a few paragraphs and deleted them...but I'm just diving right in.
Something I was told a few months ago: "I've gotten hard-core Christian chicks before"
What are we telling people? "If you push me hard enough, I'll put out. But only if you try REALLY hard and make me feel special and loved. I'll find God again on Sunday and He'll be cool with it."
What's that? Really, guys? I don't know about you, but I don't wanna be put under a "Christian Chick" standard. I want to BE that standard. I want my own standard even!
What ever happened to Feminine Mystique? I know Authentic Beauty touched on this...
A lotta guys will give up on you, because you're a challenge. They'll pursue for a while, but in the end, they want something easy. Something that they don't have to work for, and when they're finished, they can leave used and broken.
This guy I know has a certain HUUUGGGEEEEE interest in another girl I know. She's leading him on while behind his back she's saying that she's "saving all her love for her future husband."
Yet she didn't tell him this. It's like when all else fails, play the big G card (God). A lot of people are afraid of "religion" and will run the complete opposite direction. A guy (that thought I was all that and a bag of chips) saw that I was completely and totally surrendered to God...and doesn't talk to me anymore.
And I felt bad. Because he got to know me outside of "religion". No no no. I want to be a walking billboard for Jesus. I want somebody to meet me and recognize my uncontainable joy, my kindness, my honesty...they shouldn't have to learn that.
I was looking through a few pictures of me from last year...dang.
I remember this one time in English...sitting next to the ever-present Tommy. It was homecoming week. It was sports day. I was wearing this cute little white and pink broncos jersey with my white skirt...and because I was decked out in white and light pink, I looked pretty dang tan. Not to mention I had 75% of my leg showing, but whatever. And he gave me this look that pretty much gives me the shivers just thinking about it. But at the time, I didn't know what I was doing. I was all bark and no bite. I was pretty much just asking for attention...and not the good kind. Yeah, I was a little pre-skank. But that look is what pretty much keeps me from putting anything strappy, low cut, or short every morning.
It's like I think "Would Tommy stare at me if I was wearing this?"
and he stares at me anyway, but "...am I giving him a reason to stare?"
and if there's any chance that the answer is yes, I change. Immediately. IMMEDIATELY.
You don't understand how quickly I change. They didn't call me "Lightning changer" in self defense for nothing.
I have another story. A couple weeks ago, I was trying on dresses to go out with a few of my friends for dinner. So I try on this homecoming dress.
And I say "Does it look okay? I feel like such a skank. Dear goodness"
So my friend Lisa replies "Dude. You look sexy."
And I scream "I DON'T WANNA BE SEXY!!!!!!! AHHH NO!"
They all stop and look at me, while Lisa says "...why not?"
I stop and look at her the same way. Like in kindergarten, when you realize that not everybody knows that Mr. Tooth Fairy isn't a reality. It's like "What? How do you not understand this concept?"
I'm 16. There should be nothing sexy about me.
I'm actually arguing with a guy right now about purity...
after him saying "so how are YOU doing you beautiful piece of ass with a great personality?"
Totally just quoted that. I HATE that kind of language, by the way. I hate even reading it.
But he just...doesn't understand. I'm not a piece of meat. I'm not a body. I'm a creation of God.
I told him it's like while standing with my dad, who's holding the five year old me in his arms, giggling and full of innocence...
and telling him how much he could do to my body. Not good stuff, I mean.
Like did you REALLY just say that in front of my dad?
My dad would probably beat him to a pulp. Just sayin.
I know the mormons all have the "modest is hottest" thing, and I think they're right about that.
But seriously! I dress pretty modestly, I'd say. You don't see me wearing strappy tank-tops and booty shorts. And I STILL get harassed. How does that work?
Somehow I attract creepers and 12 year olds. The kinds that will pretty much go for anything, anything older than 12 and female. So that's what I rest on when some guy asks for my number or some 12 year old Christmas caroler says I'm hott.
I can say "Hit puberty and come back in a few years" and/or "you're a creeper, I don't have to talk to you"
Again with my friends that were going out to dinner. They look for guys, assess their age, their "hottness", and their attainability. When walking around Parker, none of them fit the bill.
But it's like "Girls, why are you wasting your time?"
I guess they just need to learn it on their own. And I hope and pray that it won't be too late when they finally do get it through their skulls.
-LL
11. Convince somebody I'm half of another ethnicity (Asian, Jamaican, etc.)
Keep it up leah! and I like that.. a walking billboard for jesus =)
ReplyDeleteThat is so true!! I get disgusted when girl are like that. They don't need a reason for some guy to be into them.
ReplyDeleteThis is directed towarads you're number 11.
I think you know this, Gabby convinced her freshman English class I belive, that she was adopted by black people. They actually believed her and she said her grandfather was Jackie Robinson hahaha!!! Oh Gabbs!