I am Yours, and You are mine =]

Hillsong United is truly my love. Okay, not really. But they have some GOOD lyrics. VERY VERY GOOD LYRICS!
There was a song writing session yesterday between me, Elijah, Dr. Bundi, Justin, and Ryan. It was mostly Aundi. I was NOT feeling well yesterday. First day of a monthly cycle (hint hint everybody)...is NEVER good for me. I felt like I was gonna puke, I had a migraine, and I really wanted to sleep.
So anyway. I didn't input much. It was a song about serving...and considering I'm on three teams in Pulse (greeters, drama, band), I find myself to be serving...very much so. But again, I've only written two songs. (If you'd like to hear about that, go back and read my old blog. I forget which one it is.) And none of them have been worship songs.
Yet, I feel like God has given me a voice to sing. And I CAN sing, but I just haven't had my hand at writing yet. I need to mature a bit. So we were trying to come up with lines for this song, so Aundi was just like "Okay. Write down whatever you have to say about serving."
And Aundi is Ghandi without the GH and diaper. I'm TOTALLY serious. She pretty much wrote down lyrics in of themselves, and it was CRAZY. But she did end up using one of my lines.
One of my FAVORITE lines from her/our new song is...
"Set these hands on fire,
the fire to do your works"
Mostly because I can't remember most of the song, but I was pretty much dead last night. I have an excuse.
So. I just got back from the orthodontist, six spacers later. Can I just say that if hell was on Earth, it would be spacers. The SECOND they put them in, they hurt. You HEAR your teeth moving. And I can't bite down all the way. So I'm very snappy right now. Ha ha just ask my mom. It's NOT A pretty sight when I'm cranky. I'd like to pull them out right now. Random note.

And now it's time for story...time? I just used time twice in one sentence. It's repetition day!
So. Kyra has asked about the Matt Shanor story. And considering I've told most of it, you can connect with the other blogs I've already written.
Boy do I feel like a dork when I blog.
Anyway. I started self defense in January, right? Thinking it would be easy and all...
another random note. I will start putting random notes in italics. Anyway. If you are planning on taking self defense because it looks/sounds easy...DON'T DO IT!! That's what I did. It's gross and smelly and you sit on top of people.
So I stood next to Matt in attendance, right? Sh and Th. Most of the class was in the Es or Ms or something. On block days I'd run behind him, and we'd chat for like 30 seconds on days that Ryan wasn't there. Such as....the end of March. Ryan didn't come for like two weeks, and I'm not quite sure why. Anyway. So I'd always kind of had an interest in Matt, ya know? All the people in our class were...weird. Like the anime-loving, basement-residing, dorky-nerd people. If you were in my class, you'd be like "AMEN SISTER THEY WERE WEIRD!"
And there's this one kid (I think his name was Nicholas. I just found this out.) and we always called him Beef-Taco kid. Because he smelled like beef tacos and B.O.
Kelsey called him Chunky-Monkey-Beef-Taco-Boy, but that's just her.
Matt also always said "He smells like beef tacos and ass"
but I prefer not to use that word =]
So Matt and I were talking about Prom, since it was already the end of March and he had no date. So I was joking and told him to take Beef-Taco kid. Which I thought was HILARIOUS, since it would be SOOOO funny to see them dancing together or something. If you know both of them, you'd be peeing your pants laughing right now.
But he kept hinting that he wanted to ask me.
BUT OF COURSE, I can't take a hint. We learned that with Nick and Tommy also.
So he keeps saying that he wants to take somebody from SD.
SD stands for Self Defense, duh.
So that night, he finds me on facebook (I really didn't know that he knew my last name.) And not only does he find me on facebook, but we end up talking, since I commented on his status about prom or something, and that he should find Beef-Taco kid and give him a dozen roses.
While writing this, I'm pretty much laughing my butt off because visualizing all of this is SOOO FUNNY.
So he starts chatting with me, and I'm laying on the BT kid humor, because AGAIN, it's HILARIOUS. He ends up coming right out and saying it, that he wants to take me to prom. But before he said it, I was like HOLD UP. BE RIGHT BACK I HAVE TO PEE!
And when I'm nervous or like something is happening that I don't want to, I go with the
"I have to pee"
Nobody questions a full bladder, guys. So I run upstairs and call Aundi, since I'm panicking anyway. And of course, like my conscience, she says "Do you really wanna go with him?" And this was a little over a month after making my decision not to date...so I say "Well yeah...but no"
And I end up saying no. But not just that, he says he's liked me since we started the class. Keep in mind that when I started the class, I had a boyfriend. A boyfriend that called me babe and used the L word. (also known as love... be smart, guys) But I ACTUALLY had talked to Nick about Matt. Because goodness Matt had a body. And he wasn't exactly ugly in the face, but he has what LeeAnn calls "Dumbo ears". They're not THAT bad.
So I was interested in him, while being "in love" with the Nick-meister. That's how doomed me and Matt's relationship was from the start.
So after saying no, because I did NOT want to ask my mom ("Hey mom! Can I go to prom with an 18 year old that you've never met???") I actually said "I don't know. Lemme ask my mom"
And at first she said yes, then she said no. So he went with Chelsea (dang I don't remember her last name. Whatever. It's the internet) and they dated. For three frickin days. I'm convinced he's afraid of commitment, but they were "better off as friends".
He eventually says he's in love with me, which was the point where I was like "woah buddy. WOAH."
And believe me, I DID want to date him. I really really really did. But with him being a firm believer in Athiesm... it wouldn't work. And I wasn't dating anyway. So he gave up and kinda moved on. But after that, I was like "Wait a minute. I REALLY like this guy."
But I think it was God telling him to move on, knowing that I would come back. Because I made that promise to my future husband and God, that I wouldn't date until I REALLY thought he was the one.
Long story short, he graduates. I never did sign his yearbook. I think that's for the best, too. So the NIGHT after he graduates, so starts the bizarre-love-crazed-leah-thomas-dreams-bout-matt-shanor-marathon. It lasted a week. Right before graduation, he started dating a girl (rachael). And it's really like "Oh Matt, you're in love with me yet you date two girls?"
I thought it was ridiculous. So I texted him...last week sometime. Since he was in Alaska until last Tuesday. And he pretty much said what I've said in my last blogs, that I shouldn't talk to him if I had nothing to say and he didn't feel like talking to me...little did I know that he was actually at Sonic with his girlfriend, who was anxious to see him. VERY VERY anxious. And he was leaving Sunday (yes, two days ago) to move to Wyoming. For good. So Friday night, I pretty much let loose on the bitterness I had towards him. I ended up crying my eyes out, and much to my surprise, I TOTALLY let the sun go down on my anger. I had to wake up early the next morning, and it was NOT pretty. So that night, I told him how sorry I was about making the comment about him not being a virgin and blah blah blah...it's in the last blog. He dumped his girlfriend the next day, I think because of our conversation...and he realized it wouldn't go anywhere, and he didn't WANT it to go anywhere. But overall, we left on a good note...and I'm happy to say that.
I really do love Matt, in a Godly kind of way. He's taught me a lot, and self defense wouldn't have been the same without him.
Okay wait, I forgot part of the story. When Coach and Ryan would be doing demonstrations, we always sat on opposite sides of the circle. That's just how it always ended up. And he would STARE at me to no end. And since I don't wear glasses in self defense, I couldn't tell. Kelsey would always say "Leah. You have a fan." and I'd do something REALLY stupid or silly just to make him smile. Even while he was dating other girls, he would stare at me. And I understand that I'm thinking like a total chick right now, but it was a lovely stare. Like, Gosh you're beautiful. And he'd text me every morning with "Good morning, beautiful =]" which would make me melt. He SHOWERED me with compliments. And I had to keep reminding him that he's only making it harder on me to not date him. And while he REALLY wanted to date me, he knew he needed to respect me. Which I LOVED. I loved that he respected me.
I don't think I ever heard him call me my name, though. Obviously, Tommy makes up for that.
Anyway.
I know I was a topic of conversation between Ryan and Matt in the locker room (which is CREEPY to think about. Boys getting undressed while talking about me. *shudder*).
Matt told me he also asked Ryan what my name was on the first day. And of course, him being blonde at the moment, was pointed to my name, displayed on the front of my gi. Just like everybody else.
Sorry I'm kinda jumping around in the story, but things remind me of different parts
One time we were watching Kung Fu Panda while Coach Cullen was serving Jury Duty (haha in his face)...Kelsey was texting Matt (since he didn't know her number) and we were just trying to confuse him by being like "Hey Matt! How ya been? We haven't talked in a while"
and he was trying to guess who we were.
So I threw in a "Matthew...you don't remember that one night? ;)"
and he said "...Abby?"
and I was like "Oh crap. Matt is not the guy I thought he was"
So I found out that he WASN'T a virgin. He had actually gotten a girl pregnant,
but she "took care of the problem"
he was really mature when he told me, and I knew that he didn't want that abortion. But it's her body, it's her choice, right?
And it really makes me want to cry, abortion and all. I sound mushy when I say that, but that's the baby that never got a chance to grow up.
But that REALLY freaked me out. He admitted it was a mistake, he was looking for fulfillment in a place that he shouldn't have. But like I said in my last blogs, he kinda took that back.

So that's the story on Matt. The whole truth. He may see it differently, but I'm pretty sure that's as unbiased as I get. He left, and we've moved on. I've got growing up to do, and he's gotta find himself. But he's not GOING to find himself where he's looking. You find yourself in God, the One who created every single hair on your head.
And I hope he finds the Creator before it's too late.

If you read this ENTIRE post, I gotta say I love you. If you wanted to know this story, there ya have it.